VI. May My Death Be a Blessing to You

My final love, Caesar.

By the time you receive this letter, you will have heard the news about me.

You will surely doubt the truth of this news, but sadly, it is the truth without any falsehood. Not someone’s threat, not a hidden plot….. Yes, I took my own life by my own will.

I’m sorry I couldn’t keep my promise to you.

I’m sorry for causing you this pain once again.

But I know no apology can lessen your despair even slightly.

I won’t make excuses. You loved such a cowardly woman.

Once, I thought death was trivial. Because even when this life ended, another life began for me. But that process has ended, and I’m living my final life.

Since I won’t regress anymore, perhaps if I, the source of all problems, had ended my life then, everything would have been fine.

But… I felt so wronged. Just when I had glimpsed hope. Just when love had returned like a premonition.

You know, Caesar. I’ve actually always been afraid of death. In the past, I even begged pathetically on my knees to be spared.

Who wouldn’t fear death? I struggled desperately to move forward because I wanted to live. The shadow of death always tried to grab my ankles, but I chose to breathe and live, dreaming that peace might come to me someday…..

Yes, shamefully, I definitely wanted to live. Enough to betray you and marry Lexion.

It’s me who didn’t want to see the Empire devastated by war, and me who didn’t want to receive the resentment of countless massacred people. It was also me who wanted to continue living even if I wasn’t happy.

I’m not a person with a strong sense of responsibility or self-sacrifice. It’s true that I chose Lexion to protect the people I care about, but thinking about it now, I wanted to protect my own life.

I thought that with time, my love for you would dull and everything would be fine. I believed it would be worth sacrificing my happiness.

But only after losing Jeff did I finally realize. I just wanted to turn away from the cruel truth, and that truth awakened me to how insignificant I am.

You were the brightest person in my desperate life, and I would have forever longed for your scent and gentle touch, closing my eyes in pain until the day I died.

Yet I don’t regret the choice I made. If I had repeated the past with you, that guilt would have eventually eaten away at us and ruined everything.

Simply, there was nothing I could do. Like someone lost in a maze. No one could tell me the direction. There was no exit to begin with…..

I think this: perhaps my death was predetermined. Perhaps I’ve been running all this time for something of no value.

Caesar, you were the only gift God allowed me out of pity, and also my punishment.

I want to escape this endless pain, accept my fate, and be free. I’ve chosen to break my shackles myself and escape through death.

Yes, I’m a weak coward and truly a worthless woman. You were foolishly blinded by such a woman.

Wake up from the illusion, Caesar. Don’t suffer anymore because of a worthless woman.

Live proudly as if you never met me, never loved me.

My death will, in the end, be a blessing to you.

—With uncomfortable truths, Estelle.

* * *

On the day when the sky was surrounded by a black veil and the sun hid within it. Though the sun was recovered, the Empire fell into chaos.

Guardians becoming ordinary humans….. The once peaceful streets filled with anxiety, and people trembled with fear at the inexplicable phenomenon.

“What’s happening? Why has the goddess’s power disappeared?”

People gathered in front of the temple, praying for the goddess’s protection to return. Some confessed their sins, fearing they might have incurred the goddess’s wrath.

But not everyone felt this way. When the monstrous abilities of the Guardians disappeared, many factions rejoiced. They took this opportunity to publicly challenge the privileges and ducal positions that Guardian families had enjoyed.

And the land that benefited most from this incident was Luard. The Black Forest, once teeming with monsters, had transformed into a clear, verdant forest as if it had never been otherwise.

While people were still reeling from too many changes, the imperial palace, which should have organized this social atmosphere, remained quiet for over two weeks without stating any position.

However, that was only on the surface; internally, they were caught in a whirlwind of chaos. Behind the quiet palace corridors, endless meetings continued, and each room was filled with urgent voices and hands exchanging documents.

The matter was that serious. The imperial family couldn’t hastily present an external position due to various issues.

Above all, the imperial palace lacked decision-makers who could quell this confusion. It was the emperor who had seized power through the elixir that stabilized the Guardians’ abilities. He had lost all his usual dignity and composure, and with everything becoming precarious, he was on the verge of losing his mind.

Then what about Lexion?

“Your Highness the crown prince.”

The aide opened his mouth toward Lexion, who had been confined to his bedroom all day with a dark expression. Though he knew Lexion would thoroughly ignore him, in such a serious situation, delaying further would be like asking everyone to die together, so he decided to take the lead.

“Everyone is waiting for you.”

“……”

Lexion’s gaze was fixed on Estelle, who lay on the bed as if dead.

Her pale face, devoid of any blood, was deeply shadowed by death. With no trace of movement, she looked almost like a lifeless wax doll. Bandages were wrapped tightly around her slender neck, which was barely a handful, and though they had tried to clean it, her silver hair, deeply stained with blood, was scattered messily on the pillow like the Empire’s future.

Lexion held her limp, snow-white hand. It was cold as ice.

Estelle’s shallow, irregular breathing was so faint, hinting at her approaching fate, that he simply couldn’t leave her side.

“Your Highness, this is no time to be like this! This morning, Luard declared war!”

“Speak quietly, she needs to rest.”

“…They’ve presented conditions. They say they will withdraw their mobilization order if we quietly hand over Her Highness. They insist on confirming her body, even if it’s a corpse……”

At this, Lexion’s eyes turned cold. His red pupils shone with cruelty, just like when he personally executed the maids who had failed to stop Estelle that day.

“She is not dead yet.”

“……”

“And Estelle is my wife. The crown princess belongs in the imperial palace.”

“Your Highness — perhaps you should speak with His Grace, the Duke of Adrian first. Right now we’re overwhelmed dealing with the House of Biastes matter; we haven’t even properly explained her death.”

“I’ll handle it myself, so stop making a fuss and withdraw—”

Lexion stopped mid-sentence. He had heard Estelle’s faint m*an.

“Doctor, call the doctor immediately!”

Lexion jumped up from his chair and gently caressed Estelle’s face. His tender touch was also desperate, as if trying to share his warmth with her.

“Estelle, Estelle! Can you hear me?”

“……”

Her heavy eyelids, which had been closed all along, slowly opened. Her vision must have been blurry, as she slightly furrowed her brow with hazy eyes, then quickly seemed to tire and tried to close them again. Lexion desperately rubbed Estelle’s hand against his cheek and spoke to her.

“Please, open your eyes…!”

Lexion shouted toward the door.

“Is the doctor still far away?!”

A thin, weak breath made her chest rise and fall slowly.

“Lexion……”

His name flowed from her dry lips. It was so faint and fragile, like a whisper carried away by the wind, but Lexion didn’t miss her voice.

“Yes, Estelle. I’m here.”

“Let me… go……”

Her pitiful voice, on the verge of breaking, lingered in Lexion’s ear.

“…I wish… I could die. If this pain… can only end… with one of us dying… I wish it would happen……”

“……”

“Whether… it’s you… or me……”

His red pupils lost focus and trembled. At that moment, the door opened and the doctor rushed in, pushing aside the frozen Lexion and beginning to examine Estelle’s condition.

Estelle had lost consciousness again, and the doctor, with trembling hands, checked her pulse and created deep wrinkles around his eyes. He immediately took out herbs and preparation tools from his bag and mixed them.

The doctor gently poured medicine into her mouth while giving various instructions to his assistants who had come with him. After all measures were completed, the doctor carefully expressed his opinion.

“Your Highness, I regret to inform you… today is critical. You must… prepare for the worst.”

“Estelle… just spoke and moved. You clearly told me she wouldn’t even wake up.”

The doctor hesitated, then bowed his head deeply.

“Your Highness, Her Highness might recover miraculously, but…. It’s remarkable she has endured this long. And it’s common for patients to… show temporary improvement before their life force is exhausted.”

As Lexion’s face contorted with anger, the doctor tensed so much he was sweating on the floor.

“Leave.”

“Your Highness……”

“I said everyone leave!”

* * *

The fingertips of Lexion’s clenched fists had turned deathly pale. Estelle is dying…… Suddenly, he recalled a conversation he’d had with Asius.

[So, what’s the main point.]

He had asked in the meeting hall after everyone else had left.

[As expected, I can’t deceive you, brother.]

[It’s a topic that didn’t require my personal attendance. Wouldn’t it be strange if I hadn’t noticed?]

[Would you like a drink for old times’ sake?]

It was a suggestion made on the slim chance, but seeing his cold blue eyes, he knew the answer without hearing it.

[Lately, I’ve had an unresolved matter and wanted to ask your opinion.]

Asius sent him a meaningful look.

[You tend to choose cutting problems off rather than solving them. What answer are you hoping to hear?]

[You said you hate me. Yet, in the end, you always stand on my side, don’t you?]

[……]

Asius stared at him with quiet eyes.

[To be honest, for this situation, I had calculated everything expecting you to take action instead of remaining silent. Isn’t that pride you spoke of ultimately just love and hate?]

Though he didn’t state it directly, Asius knew what Lexion meant by “this situation.” Yes. He was pointing out that despite clearly knowing the inside story of Hector’s death, Asius had taken no action.

[Lexion, I’m not on your side.]

Asius calmly refuted. There was no emotion in his tone, which made it all the more irritating.

[If I had followed my own will, I would have judged you that day. The pride I spoke of wasn’t about that.]

[Then what on earth is it?]

[I made a choice for the Empire. Unfortunately, I believe your rule is legitimate. Hector would have been a good emperor. But he wouldn’t have been an ideal one. I have expectations for the Empire you will lead.]

[……]

[Yes, I hate you. I detest your cruel actions, but I have no disagreement that you’ll be an emperor who can rewrite history.]

A shiver ran through his body. Indeed, Asius was worthy of being the only person he acknowledged.

[You might… be even more cold-blooded than I am.]

[Perhaps.]

Asius rose from his seat as if to conclude the conversation.

[About Estelle.]

He threw his real concern at the expressionless Asius.

[You called it greed, but in the end, she remained by my side. I’m more than satisfied, but… I keep feeling like I’m missing something.]

[……]

[Do you know the reason?]

[It’s because you truly care for her.]

[I’m well aware of that. I love her sincerely, which is why I keep her by my side now.]

If not for that, he would have already eliminated Estelle, who had completed her role as saintess.

[If it’s sincere, let her go.]

[Haha, I can’t do that.]

It was terrible madness. Beyond simple affection, an obsession to possess her completely.

[She will be by my side until she dies. If that’s the solution, I’ve troubled you for nothing.]

[Lexion, I will be loyal to you as the future emperor, but on the day you die, I will spit on your grave.]

[……]

[Even if she’s by your side now, you will eventually lose her.]

Asius turned and added one more thing.

[Just like I did.]

“……”

Lexion stared at Estelle lying on the bed with pained eyes, then let his head drop helplessly.