In the study of Duke Larson, Kian sat at a large mahogany desk. Despite having someone standing before him, he found himself at a loss for words.

Since the day Vivianne jumped from the cliff, he seemed half-dazed. His usually meticulously neat appearance was somewhat disheveled. His shirt buttons remained unfastened to his collarbone, and he wore no cuffs on his wrists.

This was the first time anyone had seen the master so unkempt since he moved into the main house. Matilda stood with her hands clasped, respectfully greeting her master.

“Thank you for everything over the years. And for showing mercy regarding Theo… I’m truly grateful.”

By rights, a knight who broke his oath of loyalty deserved immediate execution. However, Theodore had been Kian’s closest confidant, someone who grew up with him like a brother since childhood.

He couldn’t bring himself to kill him. Above all, he felt Vivianne wouldn’t have wanted that. He no longer wished to destroy anything Vivianne cherished.

Even so, considering the discipline of the knighthood, it was difficult to overlook the crime of fleeing with the master’s woman. Therefore, Kian ordered a fire to be set in the basement of the annex. He had Allen smuggle Theodore out beforehand and arranged for a fake corpse to be placed there, bringing the matter to a close.

Today was Matilda’s departure day. Though Matilda herself was innocent, she was the mother of a criminal. It would be difficult for her to continue overseeing the mansion’s affairs as head maid. 

Thus, Matilda herself had expressed her intention to resign. She had worked at Larson for thirty years. This place had been her entire life, her home. Sending away such a loyal person didn’t feel right.

“Go to the temporary outpost in the northern forest. Allen will be waiting there with Theo.”

He had prepared a carriage and provided ample travel money. It was quite a substantial sum to bestow upon an employee, certainly enough to help them settle elsewhere without difficulty. Matilda bowed her head silently with her hands clasped. An awkward silence filled the room.

“…Matilda.”

Kian was the first to break the silence. He hesitated briefly, seeming to struggle with his words.

“Do you resent me?”

A kind smile spread across her previously tense face.

“Honestly, it would be a lie to say I don’t. Yes, I resent you.”

Matilda admitted frankly. Her son was battered, and Vivianne, whom she had cared for like a daughter, was now missing. Since he had damaged and broken what she had grown attached to and loved, she naturally felt hatred and resentment toward Kian.

“However, my lord, when Seria entrusted you to me, I made a promise. My commitment to that promise remains unchanged.”

She had promised to raise Kian as her own son, just like Theodore. After he entered the main house and became Kian von Larson, she served him as her master, but her heart remained steadfast in that commitment.

She wished she had shown more affection and care while he was in her arms. If only she had believed in him unconditionally and embraced him more. Perhaps things would have been different now. Fearing the boys might go astray, she had been strict, constantly pushing and demanding uprightness.

“I have one last request.”

Matilda raised her head and met Kian’s eyes. His black pupils dilated slightly.

“May I… embrace you one last time?”

She hadn’t hugged him since he grew up. When Theodore and Kian were young, holding them both in her arms made her feel like she had the whole world, with two strong sons. Now she would never see him again. Seeing Kian looking so lonely, she simply couldn’t resist embracing him.

Kian rose from his desk and stood before Matilda.

“Come here.”

Matilda extended her arms with the gaze of a mother. Kian silently fell into her embrace. Her eyes grew moist with emotion. When had he grown so tall? Even trying to hug him, she could barely wrap her arms around his broad back.

“Have you eaten?”

When she asked about his meals, Kian shook his head slightly.

“Even if you have no appetite… you must eat something. The living must live on. Please don’t skip your meals.”

His strong shoulders trembled faintly. He seemed to have lost considerable weight since Vivianne’s disappearance. Matilda gently stroked the back of his head to calm him.

She had heard he’d scoured the entire sea, determined to find even her corpse. Even after returning to the mansion, he apparently neither slept properly nor ate properly. She understood the grief of those left behind better than anyone.

When she lost Sophie to the waves, she denied reality because they never found the body. For a while, she slept with the door open, hoping Sophie would return, so she understood his feelings all too well. Even if Vivianne was a mermaid, even if Theodore had seen it clearly with his own eyes… realistically, it would be right to think she was dead.

“…Matilda.”

His voice was choked. She could feel a slight tremor in it.

“I’m sorry…”

From childhood, he had been introverted, stubborn yet tender-hearted. He must have hesitated dozens of times before saying these words. Matilda pulled him closer and patted his back, wanting to do something for him one last time.

“It will be alright. Someday…”

Yet like all parents who desperately pray to God when their children are in pain, she couldn’t suffer in his place. All she could offer was uncertain hope. There was nothing more she could do.

* * *

Black waves rippled. Even now, when he closed his eyes, he could vividly see the spray that had fiercely surrounded Vivianne.

On a moonless night, Kian sat on the coral beach, staring blankly at the sea. His head spun from the cigars he had been smoking continuously. He couldn’t even remember how many he’d gone through. Since Vivianne’s plunge into the sea, every moment had been as hazy as this smoke.

“Vivi is a mermaid, so she must be alive somewhere.”

The words Theodore had spoken during their last meeting kept circling in his mind—from the mention of her being a mermaid to the assertion that she was alive somewhere. Even if they all seemed like lies, people ultimately believe what they want to believe. Kian chose to believe that Vivianne was a mermaid and that she was alive somewhere.

Yet there was nothing he could actually do. If she was a mermaid… was she in the ocean now? She had jumped off the cliff without hesitation despite being pregnant. If she found this place so horrible, she would never return to land.

He remembered the first time he saw her, right here. She had been hiding behind a rock, peeking out with just her head showing. What if he had realized sooner that she was watching him? If he had met her in her mermaid form, would he have been so madly drawn to her?

He asked himself. The answer was simple. He would have fallen for her regardless.

It was right here that he had found the n*ked, collapsed woman. He had snapped uncharacteristically at his subordinates who were gawking, and wrapped her in his cloak, carrying her away for fear someone might take her from him. From that moment, his body had responded to her, and he had wanted her all to himself.

If only he had accepted that from the beginning. If he hadn’t tormented her with his cruelty, trying to tame her as his possession. Would Vivianne have been a little happier?

It was right here that they had waltzed together under the moonlight. She had boasted confidently about her dancing skills, but perhaps due to nervousness, her technique proved rather clumsy. It was endearing how she blamed the sand or insisted on dancing barefoot, claiming it was because of her shoes.

Looking back, she had used words like “mating” and said she wanted to have his “offspring.” He hadn’t felt any dissonance because such transparency suited her crystalline clarity.

Theodore had said it all happened because he failed to believe her. Honestly, he couldn’t refute Theodore’s words.

If he had believed in his irresistible attraction to Vivianne.

If he had believed her confession that he was her only male.

No, at the very least, if he had believed her desperate cry that she was a mermaid.

Would Vivianne be… by his side now?

Why had he repeatedly driven her away by his failure to believe? Why had he made her cry so often? He had found her beautiful when her soft cheeks were stained with tear tracks. He had liked it when she begged for forgiveness, when she waited only for his footsteps and clung to him.

For such trivial, meaningless reasons, he had inflicted countless wounds. Until the very end, he couldn’t say that one word—sorry. Instead, he had made the petty excuse of returning for the sake of their baby. Perhaps that had been his last chance. Why had he acted that way?

He should have fallen to his knees. He should have begged like a dog, crawling if necessary. Why couldn’t he abandon that unsightly pride until the very end? The thought drove him mad.

Vivianne… I miss you so much.

I want to see you. I want to hold you.

When I think of you, my heart feels like it’s melting.

You should have stabbed me then. If you had, I wouldn’t be suffering like this now… having lost you.

“You can’t live without me.”

What he had repeatedly said like a mantra was actually precisely the opposite.

“I… can’t live without you.”

Yes, this was the truth. Foolishly, he only realized it after she was gone. Despicable as it might seem, this was his sincere feeling.

“You both hate me and love me at the same time, don’t you?”

Looking back, he had been arrogant without knowing his place. Instead of uttering such insolent words, or rather, long before that, he should have said this:

“…I love you.”

Though he hadn’t realized it, he had loved her for much longer. Even if he made this belated confession here, she wouldn’t hear it. Even if she had no intention of listening, even if it was now a pitiful and ugly act, shameless as it might be, he desperately wanted to tell her.

Kian rose to his feet and staggered toward the sea.

“Vivi…”

The waves surged in, soaking his feet, his knees, his waist. Still not enough. A little closer.

So you can hear me.

“I love you.”

The seawater rose to just below his chin. Finally, his breath began to choke. He had to endure. If he endured and kept walking like this, he felt he could reach her.

I love you. I love you.

…I love you.

Envisioning Vivianne’s bright smile, he walked endlessly forward, and forward again.