Chapter 86

A violent pain struck.

He clutched his chest.

“Ugh…”

Bloodshot eyes appeared, and his breath started to fail.

Ashton’s body slowly collapsed. He curled up, clutching his chest, then began to lean forward. His body stretched out; he couldn’t keep his strength.

Sabina, pale and terrified, backed away.

Ashton looked at Sabina with bloodshot eyes and reached out.

“Medicine, me…”

The medicine was in her dress pocket. Sabina grabbed the sharply cut crystal bottle and looked down at Ashton.

If she gave it, the pain would stop.

“Please…”

His body, at its limit, trembled violently.

Sabina watched closely what it meant to suffer pain so great you couldn’t even scream.

He lay on the floor as if dead, then groaned and rolled. Then, crawling low, he inched toward Sabina on his elbows.

“Please…”

His voice was now cracked.

Sabina looked down at Ashton with a face frozen like plaster. She held the lid of the medicine bottle but didn’t open it easily.

Artificial hatred whispered that she wanted to watch his pain just a little longer. That feeling turned dark and ugly, like obsession.

“I wish you’d just die like this.”

“Please…”

Ashton trembled, making sounds as if his insides were turning over.

When the master and her lover didn’t come down for breakfast, a maid came up the stairs to see what was happening.

“My Lady!”

She was pale when she saw Ashton writhing in pain at Sabina’s feet.

Sabina and the maid locked eyes. Sabina’s gaze was cold and fierce. The maid thought Sabina must have done something terrible to her master and was terrified.

“Go downstairs!”

Sabina shouted irritably.

“My Lady…”

“I said don’t interfere, just go downstairs!”

Sabina looked like she might throw a vase if there was one nearby. When the maid hesitated, Sabina strode toward her with an annoyed face. The maid, startled, tumbled down the stairs.

Her blank expression now turned into a vicious, ghostly face. Sabina, panting, looked down the stairs where the maid had gone, then suddenly realized she couldn’t hear anything.

No groans of pain. No ragged breathing.

Her blood ran cold.

She quickly returned to Ashton. He was stretched out, pale as a sheet, not moving at all. Sabina’s breathing became rapid. She checked Ashton’s breathing.

It was too faint.

Goosebumps ran down her neck and back. Cold sweat began to bead on her forehead. Only then did Sabina pull the medicine bottle from her pocket. Her hands kept slipping. She shook the bottle hard as she opened it, but miraculously didn’t spill a drop.

Sabina parted his lips and dripped the medicine in, drop by drop.

As the medicine entered, Ashton jerked like a fish just pulled from water. He spat out the medicine.

“No, no…”

Sabina, startled, climbed on top of him and pressed down with her weight. She pinned his convulsing arms with her knees so he couldn’t move, then poured the rest of the medicine into his mouth.

The second convulsion was even stronger.

Sabina covered her mouth. Was he really going to die? Was the pain too much to endure? If he died, it would be her fault for giving the medicine late.

No, then she’d have to rewind time…

“Ugh…”

Ashton scratched the floor. Thankfully, there was a soft carpet—otherwise, his nails would have broken.

“Ash, Ash…”

Sabina hugged Ashton’s head. The desire to see him die had vanished as if washed away. Now she was terrified he might really die. She couldn’t believe how foolish she was.

Overwhelmed by emotion, Sabina burst into tears.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I knew you were in pain, but I didn’t know it was this bad. Sorry I didn’t give it sooner.”

Even as she apologized, hatred whispered for her to dig her nails into his neck. Sabina desperately resisted the command of her feelings. She pushed away the shadow trying to descend.

“Ah, please…”

Now she was the one begging.

Madness grows by feeding on fear.

“I don’t even know what I want anymore…”

Sabina leaned back and covered her face. Her nails dug into her pretty face. She wished she were the one dying, not Ashton. Living in such confusion—she’d rather die.

“I know what I want.”

A low voice whispered.

A dry hand pulled Sabina’s wrist. He kissed the marks left by her nails on her face. Sabina could only shed powerless tears.

“It’s okay. You saved me.”

Ashton whispered a useless comfort. Sabina tried to pull her wrist away, but he didn’t let go, afraid she’d hurt herself again.

After a brief struggle, Sabina finally relaxed.

“You really should go home.”

“No.”

“Then at least get rid of the hatred.”

“No.”

“Everything’s a no?”

“I don’t want to be apart from you, and hatred…”

Hatred is proof of love.

But Sabina couldn’t finish her sentence, feeling deeply that her hatred had just threatened Ashton. He really could have died, unable to overcome the pain.

Sabina gritted her teeth.

If he had died, she would have rewound time.

“Go back.”

In the end, this was the only conclusion she could reach.

“Return to your original timeline.”

Her voice was pleading. Ashton held her briefly, then staggered to his feet.

“Let’s go eat.”

Sabina couldn’t tolerate his evasive attitude anymore.

“Go back! I’ll send you back, so go!”

“Do you even know what going back means?”

“It means you survive!”

When Sabina shouted, Ashton shouted back, unable to hold back.

“It means proving my last sixteen years meant nothing!”

Ha, Sabina gave a bitter laugh.

Both were stubborn, clawing at each other.

Here it is with all extra spaces between paragraphs removed and formatting cleaned:

“Loving you was happiness. Amid all this pain, that was the only happiness. Do you know? Because it was a journey toward you, even the destined end was happy.”

Ashton murmured, leaning on the stair railing.

“So let me finish this…”

Big silver tears fell from her eyes. Sabina thought she truly hated Ashton. Truly. Aside from the artificial hatred within her.

“If I go back to that timeline, you won’t be there.”

But Ashton was desperate in his own way.

* * *

Certanon Academy, usually deathly quiet, bursts into noise in mid-December.

The last subject of the last exam is the trigger for students to get so noisy.

There’s no separate closing ceremony; as soon as the last exam ends, students pack up and leave.

Outside the school gate was crowded. Parents picking up students, carriages summoned by the academy to take students to the train station for the holidays.

Helio finished his last exam and stared blankly outside.

He wasn’t as nervous as during midterms. Honestly, he hadn’t studied as hard as he did then. …More honestly, he barely studied for finals. Since he’d worked hard for midterms, he just hoped to keep his grades.

He couldn’t even use the excuse of not having time. For the past two weeks, he had plenty of time to study. The three people who had frequently visited the academy to see him in autumn hadn’t come at all.

After meeting Sabina and exposing his twisted feelings at the end of autumn, Reyes only exchanged letters with Helio. The fact that Reyes hadn’t apologized annoyed Helio.

Sabina also… didn’t come. That was expected, though a bit disappointing.

The most surprising was Ashton’s absence. Helio thought Ashton would show up regularly to teach him. But for some reason, he didn’t.

It wasn’t kindness, telling him to focus on exams.

So Helio had to practice magic alone. Luckily, training with Ashton had opened the way enough. Following the path Ashton had paved was easier than at first. The seal was almost broken.

“See you in spring.”

“See you in spring.”

Kids packing their bags exchanged farewells.

Helio packed his large bag and waited for Sabina. He could go home alone, but he’d received a letter from home. They’d come to pick him up, so he should wait.

So the boy waited for Sabina in the snow-covered academy courtyard. The wait wasn’t long. It took less than an hour for Sabina to appear in front of him, wearing a black wool coat and a warm hat. Still, she looked apologetic.

“Sorry I’m late. I forgot how busy it gets on holiday days.”

Helio shook his head.

“It’s fine.”

His mood sank instantly.

He thought he’d stripped the ‘guardian’ mask from Sabina last time, but after two weeks, she was still just an adult.

Guardian and ward, again.

Helio turned his back and walked ahead. Sabina followed behind.

“Sorry I didn’t visit.”

She’d been so absorbed with Ashton that she hadn’t paid attention to Helio. Every time she saw her lover, the emotions were too intense. Actually, Helio had contributed to that—he’d cast the hatred spell.

“It’s fine.”

Helio spoke in a subdued voice. He disliked Sabina’s calm attitude. So he added a spiteful remark.

“I thought maybe you didn’t want to see me.”

The meaning was obvious, tinged with subtle expectation.

But despite what the boy had done, Sabina didn’t hate him. Maybe because the hatred spell turned out to be proof of her affection. She couldn’t understand why he’d acted so extremely.

All her feelings of hatred seemed to be directed at Ashton. Even during the days spent with Ashton, she didn’t even think of Reyes, whom she’d always been wary of. Like during the trip to Letona.

Helio could read that from Sabina’s expression and actions. The only feeling she showed Helio now was genuine regret for having been distracted. If she’d hated him, he might have felt a bit better.

The boy didn’t want to say anything more to Sabina. He got into the carriage, pulled down the blind, and pretended to sleep. Sabina had no intention of forcing conversation either.