I had completely forgotten, to a surprising degree.

Memories of the “me” I had forgotten gushed forth like a cornucopia, making the time seem meaningless. Just breathing the air of the bustling city streets filled my head with hidden memories like fog.

Though confused by the overwhelming vitality and life force, an impulse arose. I even imagined that I could blend in seamlessly among them just by taking a step.

Because these weren’t new things—just things I had temporarily turned my back on.

But the impulse didn’t become reality.

Because she had never forgotten why she had rejected everything.

She had merely realized how she had been torturing herself.

[I]

‘…Can I really come out like this? Visit bakeries, tour the city in a carriage, look at books in a bookstore?’

Her hand couldn’t transcribe the words rooted in her mind. The writing simply wouldn’t continue.

She feared confirming reality through words. The fear of completing the sentence she most wanted to ignore by putting a period at the end surrounded her.

I alone…

…Can I really feel alive like this?

“……”

Agate’s shoulders, which had been rigid as if time had stopped, began to tremble slightly.

Thud

As if unable to bear the indescribable pressure, Agate dropped the pen and collapsed.

“Uh… uh……hic, uh……”

People wouldn’t know. Those caring for her by her side would have thought that Agate thought only of one person, sinking in sadness every day with no intention of escaping, thinking only of him.

But with each passing day, she had tried to erase him.

Because she was a weak coward for merely longing for him.

Agate was afraid. Afraid that if she fully acknowledged and poured out the unbearable emotions as her own, she would be permanently broken. She lacked confidence in her ability to overcome the emotional turmoil and return to her former self.

She realized that to erase him, it was best not to think about anything at all. Regardless of her will, whenever she saw, heard, or felt something, memories tied to him would inevitably pop up.

Having realized this early on, she did nothing, felt nothing, and thought nothing.

Some days were unbearably difficult, while on others, she felt fine as if she had lost her memory.

But her body, not under the control of her consciousness, was different. Her feet always led her to the desk by the window, and her eyes never left the desolate iron gate. She repeated this meaningless act every day without any promise, forgetting its essence even herself, waiting for someone with the sole reason that her body needed to be uncomfortable for her mind to be at ease.

And as soon as she pulled out her locked memories, all her quiet efforts vanished in vain.

“Uh……uh… uh……”

The emotions she had postponed by deceiving herself engulfed her mercilessly like waves.

Just one day, no, merely half a day.

The smell of grass in the garden, the feeling of crunching gravel under her feet, the appetizing bakery display full of freshly baked bread, the lively commotion outside, the discomfort of the rattling carriage.

Only then did she realize she had discarded more things than she could count. But she didn’t regret abandoning all those things at all. Rather, she wondered if even that wasn’t enough.

Because before finishing this utterly ordinary day, he had finally surfaced. The person who had been closest, most precious, and most natural in my daily life.

She had tried to push away the eons-like sense of loss, but in the meantime, time had resolved nothing. The knot of emotions hadn’t diminished at all, and today she had to accept, for the first time, a world without him.

“Uuuuh…… uh, uuuuh……”

From her throat, unused to making sounds for a long time, came cries like those of a beast. Unable to support her body, Agate lay collapsed on the floor, emptying her tear ducts completely.

“Miss! Are you alright?!”

Suddenly, an urgent voice broke through the sorrowful cries.

It was Adollo, not Sion, who lifted Agate from the sparse wooden floor. He must have belatedly realized their carriage wasn’t following and rushed over in a hurry.

The timing was appropriate. Sion distanced himself considerably from Adollo, who had pushed him aside, and Agate. He knew well that this was an emotional outpouring he couldn’t accommodate anyway.

He knew why she was suddenly shedding tears. She had been carrying the reason inside her all along, never letting it go.

All he could offer for that grief—which he couldn’t empathize with and didn’t want to—was hollow comfort.

Instead, Sion observed another person from the corner of his eye. Police Officer Müller, who was undoubtedly thinking the same as him. He too stood a step away, watching the considerably embarrassing scene impassively.

It was a trait that freshly confirmed him as a distasteful officer. Indeed, being cold-blooded was common to both of them.

“Uh…… uuuh…… uuuuh…… huuuuh……”

What experience could make someone sob so painfully?

For Sion, who had grown up in back alleys, the sight of people writhing in anger was familiar, but he had no memory of seeing someone cry so painfully.

Agate’s face, always dry, was now drenched in tears and flushed red as if it had never been otherwise. She was accepting and ruminating on her sorrow with her entire body.

Looking at Agate like this, Sion could only guess at the depth of the affection she had held and the loss she was experiencing.

Just by her unreserved display of emotion, he felt a disconnect, as if he, not she, was abnormal. This was a realm difficult to enter for someone who had never cherished anyone but himself throughout his life.

“Miss, you’ll collapse at this rate. Let’s return to the villa for today. Daniel, help me support her.”

“……”

Watching that woman crying desperately and Adollo, who didn’t find her appearance strange at all, Sion couldn’t help but feel an emotion he didn’t want to acknowledge.

A sense of alienation. The deficiency that someone like him, flawed from birth, could never fill—the alienation stemming from it couldn’t be resolved no matter how much wealth and achievement he accumulated.

“…iel?”

He could imitate the nouveau riche and nobility, but he couldn’t pretend to be a lover in love or a member of a harmonious family. Sion found this difficult to admit and therefore devalued it. Everything that couldn’t be priced in this world was worthless.

“Daniel! What are you doing?!”

When Adollo barked at him, Sion finally jerked his head up. He had fallen into his chronic quagmire at the worst possible time.

“I apologize.”

Sion quickly escaped the swamp of deficiency and returned to being a skilled butler. Though Agate swayed like a sheet of paper, supporting her was not difficult at all as she couldn’t balance herself. Even as she was practically dragged out of the bookstore by him and Adollo, she couldn’t stop crying.

“Huic…… kuh, kuhp……”

“Miss, I’m worried you might become dehydrated at this rate. Daniel, go find water from a nearby store immediately.”

Adollo, who had barely managed to get Agate into the carriage, made a welcome suggestion. It was becoming difficult to continue watching the lady’s unseemly state.

No, he couldn’t bear himself “admiring” that unsightly appearance.

Could he ever, even once, cry genuinely because of someone? Someone who would worry about others, feel their pain, and miss them—such a version of himself didn’t exist before, doesn’t exist now, and never will in the future.

He found it difficult to imagine himself laughing, crying, or being swayed by others.

“…I’ll get it right away.”

Sion escaped from the scene as he answered.

Though his life was riddled with lies, he prided himself on having experienced and enjoyed everything to the fullest. How could he accept that his ultimate ideal was that unsightly appearance?

Sion already implicitly knew well that the moment he acknowledged and faced that admiration, it would be no different from admitting that he was merely a shell of a human being.

Having easily found water, he looked at the transparent glass bottle. His face was faintly reflected in the bottle catching the light, but it was difficult to distinguish his features.

That was fortunate. He didn’t want to see his face right now.

* * *

They hurriedly returned to the villa without even stopping by the bakery where they had splurged for once. Since they had paid in advance, the numerous desserts would be put to good use as snacks for the bakery staff.

“Even when she heard the news of her fiancé’s disappearance, she never cried. This is the first time I’ve seen the young lady cry so sorrowfully over that matter.”

As soon as they laid down Agate, who had fallen asleep from exhaustion after crying, Adollo muttered as if lamenting.

“She never cried, not even once?”

“The young lady was crying?”

Sion, who didn’t know about the past, and Kanna, who didn’t know about the recent situation, were each surprised by different aspects.