015

Silence and depression numbed her emotions, becoming the perfect anesthetic. Because of this, she had wasted three years as if throwing them in the trash, postponing her guilt in exchange. Deferring that sense of debt was more important to her than anything else.

But even that anesthesia couldn’t last forever. The clearest evidence was her newfound recognition of her sanctuary as a cage. Agate didn’t know how to handle her deep wounds.

Should she fill the wounds with new flesh or live with the scars? Should she fully savor happiness and satisfaction as before, or gradually empty and lighten herself? Her thoughts only spun in circles like a broken compass.

Agate Irone’s life had been composed solely of flawless perfection, and the one most satisfied with her life was none other than herself. She was an imperfect being unable to accept “imperfection.”

How should I live after overcoming this wound? Perhaps the word “overcome” was merely a hollow pretense to reassure herself.

She wavered again. And she would continue to waver countless times.

Unlike her turmoil, the lake created gentle ripples in Agate’s eyes.

The water was deep and quiet. It perfectly concealed the terrifying pull that would s*ck one in endlessly beneath its serene surface. Agate already knew this abyss’s fear all too well.

Suddenly, these brilliant waves within reach became repulsive.

‘Sir Daniel… Sir Daniel has gone missing, Miss.’

‘Of all things, the merchant ship he boarded hit a reef…’

‘It’s too early to jump to conclusions. His name hasn’t appeared on the list of casualties. They’re still identifying survivors rescued in foreign waters.’

‘Sir Daniel must be alive. If we wait, news will come soon.’

‘He’ll be fine.’

They had clearly said he would be fine. That there was no need to worry, so she rightfully didn’t worry, grieve, burst into tears, or do anything at all.

He would return, just as they said. She willingly accepted everyone’s comfort and reassurance, believing them wholeheartedly.

‘…Three months have passed. Even accounting for delayed news from abroad…’

They told me not to worry.

‘Agate…’

I believed as you all wanted me to. So why, why are you the first to waver?

‘He’ll come back. He just hasn’t been found yet.’

Before she knew it, her faith had nothing left to lean on but evil. Agate had endured three winters in Ponten with that faith. The one who should have come to find her after her long wait still hadn’t arrived.

The only support she had to hold onto was her crude faith. She decided not to think. The more she thought, the more precariously her support shook.

Even now, wasn’t she thinking of him while looking at the lake? What connection did these waters have with him, yet why did she keep trying to peer into their depths?

This faith she couldn’t abandon was as futile as a castle built on sand.

The truth whispered by her feeble reason was forgotten as soon as she turned away. Unless she constantly, repeatedly reminded herself, her body foolishly focused on developing the habit of waiting for something.

‘No, he’s not here.’

She knew. Despite knowing everything, she felt like she was going mad. She wanted to rush in right now. She wanted to confirm to anyone that these harmless waters had absolutely nothing to do with him.

Why had she foolishly believed that would strengthen her crumbling faith? It was mere stubbornness.

Her body, fixed in the same position for a long time, had stiffened and ached with pins and needles. Agate straightened her tingling legs and stood upright. Though she knew she wasn’t in her right mind, knew it was madness, she couldn’t bear it.

Everything in the world seemed to push at her back. See with your own eyes, feel with your own skin, they urged. And that urging was also her own will.

There was no hesitation. Her foot, lifted into the air, soon created ripples in the quiet surroundings.

* * *

“Kyaaaaaaah!”

“My goodness, Miss!”

The lake, which had appeared perfectly transparent from outside, was murky and dark once submerged. Her vision was pitch black, as if surrounded by hazy clouds.

Cold and suffocating.

She couldn’t breathe. It felt like water would rush in if she tried to breathe, making everything uncontrollable. Though she seemed to hear commotion from outside the water, to Agate’s ears it was merely a buzzing vibration.

A stifling pain constricting her lungs squeezed her. She couldn’t bear it any longer. Yet even as she unconsciously stood at the boundary between life and death, her mind foolishly occupied itself with other thoughts.

‘Of all things, the merchant ship he boarded hit a reef…’

‘They’re still identifying survivors rescued in foreign waters.’

‘Daniel…’

The sea must be incomparably rougher and deeper than this lake. The vast ocean was endless, an unstoppable force beyond human control.

In the end, she had merely confirmed it directly. Even as her consciousness grew hazy, her reason strangely cooled.

He had disappeared at sea. His name hadn’t been found on either the survivor or casualty lists.

She continued sinking deeper. She didn’t even struggle to survive. Despite her breath reaching her chin, she couldn’t muster any strength in her body. Even the instinct for survival broke before her misguided will.

Agate received the confirmation she wanted.

Though it wasn’t the answer she had hoped for, the unreachable depths forced all the answers she had been avoiding deep into her body.

‘…Daniel?’

The first and last thing she saw in that murky vision was Daniel. Despite being unable to make out his face, she was certain it was him. Strangely, even pathetically, when he extended his hand, she mustered strength to grasp it.

Her proud hand, which had refused even the struggle to survive, was drawn without a moment’s hesitation to another hand reaching out to save her. The water was colder than she had imagined, and she ultimately couldn’t reject that warmth trying to save her.

She doesn’t remember clearly what happened after taking his hand. Her burning lungs filled with warm breath, and all that remained vivid was how tightly she had gripped the hand she held, determined not to let go.

* * *

Just before Agate’s feet left the ground, Sion and the servants saw her. None of them, not knowing what was happening, could predict her next action.

Except Sion.

Seeing Agate standing by the lakeside, Sion instinctively felt a chill. It seemed as if there must be some reason for her to stand up. He started running even though nothing had happened yet.

And soon the forest was filled with the servants’ sharp screams.

“Miss, my goodness! What should we do!”

“If we had been even a little later, what would have happened!”

“Oh my, why isn’t there a single fence around this lake?! If it weren’t for the butler, there would have been a terrible disaster!”

Molly barely managed to calm Lorraine, who had thrown down her picnic basket and was jumping up and down.

“This isn’t a tourist spot but private property—how could there be a fence unless the landowner builds one…”

“And who exactly is that landowner?!”

Lorraine, who had been indignant, suddenly realized and clamped her mouth shut. This place belonged to the Irone family.

“Cough, cough, cough!”

“Miss, Miss. Are you alright? Your clothes are wet, we need to go inside quickly. If you stay like this, you’ll surely catch a terrible cold.”

Kanna wrapped a blanket around Agate, who looked like a drowned rat, and embraced her shoulders. Already drained of energy, Agate hadn’t even regained her senses and leaned against Kanna’s chest, occasionally coughing up water with dry heaves.

The servants prepared to return, ignoring the sandwiches and juice they had worked so hard to bring to the lake.

“It’s difficult to put the young lady back on the bicycle now…”

“Should some of us go to the mansion and call for the men? Tell them to bring a rickshaw or something?”

“If we wait for that, the young lady will have a fever by tomorrow morning!”

Unable to reach a consensus, the servants quickly filled the lakeside with disorderly commotion.

Sion too was equally unable to collect his thoughts after the sudden plunge. Catching his breath beside Agate, he belatedly turned his head to check on her safety.

And the moment he met her half-closed eyes, his blood rushed backward.

“You…!”

He nearly spewed some rather violent curses. Sion made no attempt to hide his anger, but the servants were too absorbed in their own arguments to notice. Only Kanna, who had given her embrace to Agate, lost her words with rounded eyes.