Chapter 12.8

After confirming Etienne was heading back to the mansion, Liam turned to Yvonne. Thanks to the lantern Etienne left behind, they could easily see each other’s expressions.

Yvonne looked at him coldly, as if she hadn’t been flustered. Liam couldn’t suppress his anger.

Feeling better, he had stepped outside for a moment, only to witness this scene.

“When did you get so close to Etienne?”

“What do you mean?”

“I didn’t know you were close enough to take a walk together at night.”

“Don’t be sarcastic. I didn’t expect your brother to act like that either. I would’ve avoided him if I had known.”

“Avoid him? Don’t lie.”

Liam clenched his fist. As a marriage partner, Etienne was much better than Liam. Even if Etienne was slightly less handsome, he was still quite a good-looking man.

He was gentle, considerate, and unlike him, had a clean past. He wasn’t interested in women.

Moreover, unlike Liam, Etienne hadn’t wronged Yvonne. If he were Yvonne, he would’ve chosen Etienne, and this sense of defeat made him anxious.

“Be honest. If I hadn’t shown up, you would’ve accepted his proposal, right?”

“Don’t make baseless accusations. I accepted the invitation to refuse him. Why should your brother sacrifice for someone like me?”

“What? Someone like you?”

“A commoner girl who dared to deceive a noble and bore an illegitimate child.”

“No…….”

“A second son of the Conrad Family is too much for someone like me. I have some pride, so how could I? Don’t worry. I know my place better than anyone.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about.”

“Did I look like I was curious about that?”

Liam’s mouth closed for a moment. While he hesitated, Yvonne picked up the lantern from the ground and spoke.

“And about our marriage you mentioned to your brother earlier, I won’t do it. I won’t return to Arthus.”

“What? What do you mean…….”

“Just to clarify, don’t think that because I rejected you, I’ll accept your brother. I won’t be indebted to the Conrad Family.”

“What do you plan to do without relying on anyone?”

“I plan to return to Valence once Claude’s treatment is over. I’ve bought a house there, and thanks to the rings you gave me, I have plenty of money.”

“How long will that last?”

“Didn’t I tell you before? It’s more than enough for me.”

“I also told you, that’s not enough to raise Claude properly. Are you going to raise him lacking?”

“It’s not about lacking. It’s about choosing the path where my child and I can be somewhat peaceful.”

Yvonne smiled bitterly, hugging her shoulders. It was a conclusion she reached after much thought.

Whether it was right to sacrifice her own comfort for Claude’s future. Or if it was right to ensure a prosperous future for her child at her own expense.

There was no correct answer anyway. No matter which path she chose, there would be regrets. So Yvonne wanted to choose the path where she could find peace.

Some might call her selfish. But she couldn’t stay by this man’s side any longer.

Liam couldn’t accept Yvonne’s decision. He didn’t hide his anxiety.

“Why do you think you can’t be happy? If you try…….”

“Is this something that can be solved with effort?”

“Of course, it might be hard. But think about it. How do you plan to live alone? Do you think there won’t be another noble like the one who tried to abduct you or someone like Etienne?”

“There might be.”

“Knowing that……!”

“Don’t you understand? I want to leave your side enough to endure all those risks and absurdities.”

Liam hesitated. Seeing her trembling green eyes, Yvonne revealed the feelings she had been struggling with alone.

“Just seeing you is painful for me.”

It wasn’t just because of the wrongs Liam had done to Yvonne. Her pain largely came from within herself.

Consciously, she tried to reject and push Liam away, but it wasn’t always terrible.

Yvonne felt a duality in Liam, like a double-edged sword. He was both the beast who had forcefully subdued her and the tender husband.

Looking at Liam reminded her of the man who playfully smiled and shared bread with her.

The man who proposed under the big plane tree, the man who warmly embraced her and kissed her by the fireplace on a cold, snowy winter day.

But behind those happy memories lurked the man who forcefully took her and acted violently……. The man who was the reason Emma fell ill and died, and why she lost her first child without even naming it…….

She loved him yet couldn’t love him. She couldn’t fully hate and loathe him either.

All of this was a disaster for Yvonne. Because of the warmth and kindness Liam showed in fleeting moments, she sometimes wanted to forgive him and love him as she did before, knowing nothing.

How her life changed because of that man. How much Emma suffered and died because of him. Her first child, whom she couldn’t even name, had to be buried.

And yet, to forgive that man. To harbor love for him.

Surely, she must be crazy.

Yvonne hated this about herself. She despised it. Why couldn’t she completely push away those brief warm moments?

“I’m sorry for using you because of Claude.”

“…….”

“But it was a mistake to think we could get closer because of the child. You begging to the Marchioness or being sick means nothing to me.”

“Did Etienne tell you that too?”

“The Marchioness told me.”

Liam was silent for a moment. He seemed frustrated, clutching the half-open collar of his shirt, then ran his hand over his forehead and sighed deeply.

“To be honest, begging my mother or Rozier was indeed to maintain our relationship. But that wasn’t the only reason.”

“Then what?”

“I just……. wanted to save the child. Like you.”

“…….”

“Believe me. I love Claude too. I’ll try harder from now on. I really will try…….”

“No.”

“What?”

“No. Don’t try anything and just let me go. That’s what I want.”

“Yvonne.”

“If you feel even a little sorry for me……. No, you don’t have to be sorry. Just pity me and let me go.”

“I can’t.”

Liam gripped Yvonne’s arm tightly.

“I can’t let you go. Especially not to Etienne.”

“I told you. I have no intention of being indebted to your brother. And we can’t be together. We wouldn’t be happy even if we tried.”

“We can. I’ll make it happen.”

“How?”

“Somehow…….”

“Don’t evade this. Do you know I start to hate myself when I’m with you?”

“Why, why do you hate yourself? You can just hate me, blame me, so why…….”

“I can’t do that!”

Yvonne raised her voice. Liam hesitated at her rare outburst while she, taking shallow breaths, poured out her emotions.

“I want to just hate you. But what do you expect me to do when I can’t?”

Yvonne wept, held by Liam.

“If I had any shame, I wouldn’t, sob, do this…….”

“…….”

“I hate that I can’t just hate you. It’s driving me crazy. It’s unfair! Why should I hate myself because of you? Why should I struggle like this? Who are you……?”

Seeing her finally break down in tears, Liam silently looked at her, then pulled her into an embrace. At the same time, Yvonne struggled.

“Let go of me! I told you to……!”

“Just marry me. After that, I’ll let you go.”

The soft voice resonating in her ear made Yvonne’s resistance cease. Feeling this, Liam held her tighter and whispered.

“I’ll do whatever you want. If you marry me.”

“You say you’ll let me go but then ask to marry? How can you say that……!”

“I don’t want Claude……. the child, to be branded as illegitimate.”

Liam spoke with a trembling voice. His hands, embracing her, trembled as well, which Yvonne felt.

“I know it’s ridiculous. Telling you to get rid of him before and now this reversal must be shocking to you. But…….”

“…….”

“Let me make this right. Let me fulfill my minimum responsibility as his father.”

“…….”

“Once Claude’s treatment is over, let’s go back and have a proper wedding. If we recognize his birth at the church…….”

Liam took a deep breath. But he couldn’t speak immediately. He truly didn’t want to say this. It felt easier to rip out his heart.

He felt a strong urge to keep Yvonne by his side. He had the power to do so and could break her if he wanted, just as he did when he first took her.

But he couldn’t. Hearing her say that being by his side was the worst thing, seeing her cry every time she looked at him, was painful for him too. Much more than the satisfaction of keeping her by his side.

He wanted her to smile rather than cry. And he couldn’t give her that.

So he had to admit it. That keeping her by his side would only bring pain. He had to accept it. If he truly cared for Yvonne, he had to let her go.

After opening and closing his lips for a while, he finally squeezed out his voice. As much as he was in pain, he held her fragile body tighter.

“Then do as you wish.”

“…….”

“If you want, I’ll never appear before you again. So…….”

“…….”

“Marry me.”

His trembling proposal was truly pitiful. This wasn’t the proposal he had envisioned.

He had planned to hand her a large, beautiful bouquet and offer the wedding ring he always carried since getting it back from Gabriel. But he couldn’t even bring out the ring, let alone the bouquet.

What he was doing now was begging. It wasn’t a normal proposal promising happiness.

There was no response. Only silence resembling the tranquil moonlit night. But Liam understood Yvonne’s answer. She no longer pushed him away.

That was the decision Yvonne made.