Persephone

It was still too bright.

Even with large curtains blocking the windows and entrances, light still seeped in like a snake, disrupting the darkness in the room. If only there were proper wooden windows and bronze doors instead of those flimsy rags! 

But my mother would never allow it. She would scold me for how shameless and shocking my request was and take away even the curtains. In the end, I could only find a layer of darkness by pulling the blanket over my head.

I had been confined to my quarters for four days now, unable to take even a single step outside.

Getting lost in the Acherusia Cave was merely the final blow. My mother had been waiting for an opportunity to tie me down and interrogate me. 

Yes, I know what the nymphs whisper to my mother. They must have told her I was strange, that I had completely lost my mind! It’s not even funny.

‘What’s wrong with wanting to be alone? I’m a grown young man! I’m no longer at an age to play tag among the nymphs. I don’t care what the nymphs say. Whether they praise me or curse me, it has no effect on me. It’s worth less than the chirping of birds. They’re just my mother’s eyes, bars of a cage! Yet when I’m indifferent to their compliments, they open their eyes wide, feeling betrayed! Looking at me like I’ve stabbed them with a knife!’

The more I thought about it, the more irritated I became. My chest felt so tight I could barely breathe. But if I removed the blanket, Demeter’s light would come in to spy on me again. She might even send insects as spies. 

She fears I might do dirty things that boys do, and that I might never want to wear women’s clothes again. Good heavens! If she’s so obsessively monitoring me in case I grab my g*nitals, she should have just cut it off! 

Wouldn’t that have made her feel much more at ease? She would have felt less guilt when calling me her daughter.

No, my mother is someone who has never felt guilt. That’s probably why she didn’t cut off my thing. But if she ever thinks she should, she would appear with a sickle in hand. 

I roll over and bury my face in the pillow.

‘She might do it tomorrow for all I know. It’s suspicious that she hasn’t questioned me about chasing away Anthousai. She knows perfectly well that I’ve never had personal quarrels with nymphs, so why is she pretending not to know? There couldn’t be anything more suspicious than me being alone with a nymph in a dark place and then banishing her.’

Yes, I was under house arrest because I entered the Acherusia Cave without permission. But what worried me wasn’t the exploration of Acherusia but the fact that I had kicked out a hyacinth nymph, sending her somewhere she would never be seen by me or my mother again.

Ah, putting it this way makes everything confusing. Even for me, the person involved. It’s difficult to organize my thoughts. 

Let’s start with the premise that I’m a poor handsome man who has lost his memory. That way, even if my personality suddenly changed, it wouldn’t be my fault.

My mother said I was sick, but I didn’t believe it for a moment. Yes, had I mentioned this before? I think I had. 

Anyway, I had forgotten more than a month of time completely. According to my mother, I was just lying in bed, delirious with fever, so even if those memories were deleted from my mind, it shouldn’t have much impact. 

Isn’t that right? But why am I like this?

First of all, I found places flooded with brilliant sunlight, full of flowers, butterflies, and happy laughter, irritatingly unbearable. I disliked them without any logical reason. Like being forced to wear ill-fitting clothes. 

Oh right, I’ve lived like that my whole life, haven’t I? So you can imagine how difficult it would be to make me feel uncomfortable. A son raised as a daughter naturally submits to the absurdities of the world.

Moreover, the beautiful daffodil fields with the sun directly overhead were where I had played all my life. I was curious about what lay beyond and sometimes found it unbearably tedious. 

But I had never been so disgusted with it to the point of feeling like a stranger to myself. Because I had never left the daffodil fields, never experienced the unknown beyond, I lacked the courage to hate it. 

But now, just thinking about having to spend time in the endless daffodils, chatting with nymphs, making flower crowns, and wasting time with meaningless jumping made my stomach turn.

Even I didn’t know why. If I had run along the white pebbled beaches of Athens, or explored all kinds of goods in the Theban marketplace and had boisterous fun, it might make sense, but I had just laid down and gotten up! 

Why was I craving places I didn’t know and hating the land where I grew up?

Sometimes I dreamed. Dreams that were surprisingly vivid. Completely different from the fanciful content I occasionally dreamed of as a child. 

That place was too desolate and gloomy to be created by my imagination. Not a grain of light entered, and the sky was always dark, blue, and clear like a moonless night. And below it stood an enormously large palace. 

The garden was decorated with eerie bones, red spider lilies, and unknown flowers that looked like daffodils but were pale as snow, and nowhere could warm flames be found. All the torches were blue. They looked cold to touch.

I walked through black corridors and wandered through empty rooms. Despite the palace being so vast and grand, I never encountered anyone. 

I should have found it strange, but perhaps because it was a dream, I didn’t care. I just walked, ran, constantly crossed porticos, knocked on locked doors, and called out a name. That name—

I can’t remember.

‘But that doesn’t make sense. That place is too eerie to make me dislike my mother’s temple or the Enna Valley. No sunlight, no birdsong, an atmosphere where ghosts might jump out at any moment, and no one there but me. Who would want to live in such a place? Me? Absolutely not. Even setting aside the fact that it’s a place in a dream.’

Yes. The dream palace was called a palace, but it was more like a ghost court where the dead gathered. Though Demeter’s temple and the daffodil fields were tedious, they were more vibrant and warm than that place. 

There was no way I could be irritated with reality because of that palace. Generally, it should be called a nightmare. A dream of endlessly wandering through an empty palace without even a mouse. 

But in the dream, I felt neither fear nor dread. I just ran and ran until I was breathless, calling someone with a voice that felt like it would tear my throat. Vowing never to rest until I found her.

That was it. Perhaps it was a silly dream I should have forgotten while drinking herbal tea. But every night, I became completely absorbed in the black palace I wandered through and the stranger whose name and face I didn’t know. 

I’m not sure if I became fixated on the dream because I was tired of my mother, the nymphs, and the daffodils, or if the dream influenced me to become tired of them. What does it matter?

Following my lifelong routine, after breakfast, I was led by nymphs to spend time in the daffodil fields until evening. But I no longer did anything with the nymphs. 

I would climb an oak tree as thick as the pillars of my mother’s temple, sit on a high branch, and remain motionless, lost in daydreams.

Time passed surprisingly quickly just imagining the black palace and the name I couldn’t remember. Those imaginings evoked strange excitement and occasional pain. 

Like someone was digging into some part of my chest with a small knife. Nevertheless, I was constantly drawn to it. And eventually, I lost interest in everything else.

The nymphs suggested all kinds of games to capture my interest. They made new toys that we had played with enjoyably before, and tried to place all kinds of wreaths on me. They pretended to quarrel to create a commotion, and endlessly praised my beauty, urging me to reward the nymph who composed the most excellent poem. 

But I had no intention of accommodating them.

Even I thought it was a bit strange. I knew well that I was beautiful and was proud of it. I never tired of songs praising my beauty. But not anymore. 

My golden hair being as fragrant as woven with daffodils and buttercups, my large eyes being a blue color that even Oceanus would covet, and so on. So what? Would my being a handsome beauty help me escape this insufferable place? 

Would it be a weapon to stand against my mother? Everything felt futile. I felt that even if everyone in the world admired my beauty, I would feel nothing.

That day too, I was at the edge of the daffodil field, at the entrance to the dense forest that led to the Enna Valley. Glancing behind me, I was contemplating taking just one more step in, wishing I could at least be far enough from the flower field not to hear the nymphs’ laughter. 

I hesitated several times. Because I wanted to immediately plunge into the dark valley entangled with deep green and rough brown. Having spent my entire life near here, yet never having entered even a span into the valley forest. 

Could there be anything more ridiculous?

I swallowed dryly. Even in broad daylight, the cool forest scent tickled my nose and brushed my cheeks. It was a smell completely different from the sweet fragrance of flowers, one that evoked adventure and excitement. I glared at the forest. 

The forest interior was as dark as night due to the thick tree shade. Suddenly, the black palace from my dreams came to mind. What scent was there? 

I frowned and thought hard, but couldn’t remember.

In the end, I sat down on the trunk of a nearby fig tree. It was obvious that if I strayed from the flower field and entered the forest on my own, my mother would alternately scold and lament like a thunderbolt. 

About how harsh this world is, how terrifying the prophecy of the Moirai is, how all this is for my own good but I don’t appreciate it, how much it tears her heart apart, and so on. 

I sighed. The sound of bees buzzing around the newly formed fig fruits was like they were having a meeting.

“Lady Persephone, what are you thinking about?”

It was a cheerful and sweet voice. I looked up. A slender nymph in a light blue chiton appeared.

“Why are you here, Anthousai? I told you to leave me alone.”

I said curtly. My patience was at its limit because the urge to run into the dark forest was so strong. 

However, Anthousai approached without minding my irritated response and sat down next to me without permission.

“You’ve seemed depressed lately, Lady Persephone. I was worried you might be sadder alone.”

“I seem depressed?”

“Yes. You sit alone every day and don’t talk with us. You don’t smile either.”

“That’s different. I’m not depressed. I just have a lot to think about.”

I turned my gaze away from Anthousai. And continued to glare at the dark valley.

“Your concern isn’t necessary. So you can go back now.”

“Do you want to go into the forest?”

“What?”

I was startled. Anthousai giggled, having clearly anticipated my reaction.

“I’ve heard too. That you’re always looking for shaded places these days? At the temple as well. I heard you put up curtains in your bedroom so that no light could enter. Is that true?”

“Who on earth told you such things?”

I knew it was the nymphs’ duty to report my daily activities to my mother like tattletales, but this crossed the line. And what was this talk about my bedroom? 

Surely one of the nymphs who was in my room when I opened my eyes must have gossiped lightly. 

Irritation surged like a tide. I also wondered why I was sitting alone with a hyacinth spirit having this conversation.

Then Anthousai quickly said:

“If you pass through the Enna Valley, there’s a cave. An enormously large and dark cave.”

“A cave?”

“Yes. It’s called Acherusia. They say it’s just like Chaos. The very essence of silent darkness. There’s a rumor that it connects to the underworld, so neither humans nor animals ever go near it.”

I didn’t know how to respond. I couldn’t grasp what intention Anthousai had in bringing up the cave. Anthousai was one of the spies my mother Demeter had assigned to me, and her duty was to keep me safe and bored. 

But the Acherusia Cave? Just hearing about it filled my previously numb chest with interest to the point of explosion. It was clear that place would be neither safe nor boring.

“Why are you telling me this? I can’t leave this d*mn field anyway.”