5.2
When Ellen left, she had wished that Leon would remember her, chase after her. She had even imagined what reaction she might show if he came looking for her.
Would he cling to me, saying he still had lingering feelings? If so, should I accept him?
Shortly after arriving at the Novary household, Ellen had thought about sorting out her feelings for Leon, but secretly hoped for his apology—whether through a letter or in person—and had resolved to forgive him if he did.
But as the days turned into weeks, there was no word from him. Her initial hope gradually turned into disappointment.
Of course. What was I expecting?
Ellen felt foolish for holding onto lingering feelings for Leon while pretending to move on. She couldn’t help but feel resentful toward him for leaving only a letter and showing no response.
Whenever these thoughts surfaced, Ellen tried to focus on work, determined to erase Leon from her mind. Thankfully, her busy schedule helped her organize her feelings.
It seemed to be working.
However, Leon’s sudden reappearance disrupted Ellen’s progress.
If he was going to show up, he should have done so immediately—not so belatedly. As a result, Ellen found Leon’s presence increasingly uncomfortable.
She was finally starting to sort out her feelings after his rejection, but now he suddenly showed up, claiming he wanted to start over. Ellen couldn’t understand his behavior.
If he was going to do this, he should have come sooner!
To Ellen, Leon seemed like someone who toyed lightly with people’s hearts. His sudden probation and abundance of free time made it seem as though he was seeking her out simply out of boredom.
And when he loses interest again, he’ll leave.
A man who could show a bit of kindness only to later act cold. Ellen had been hurt by him several times before. She couldn’t believe his words now.
While it would be a lie to say she had no lingering feelings, Ellen didn’t want to be entangled with him anymore.
Their love had started with small acts of kindness, and the situation of an unwanted marriage had made her first love feel all the more poignant.
But now the engagement was broken, and unkind days far outnumbered the kind ones. Ellen had no reason to continue loving Leon.
Objectively speaking, that was true. But human emotions were complex. If only they could change as easily as one wished. Despite everything, Ellen still held lingering feelings for Leon.
But she didn’t want to be hurt again. She didn’t want to go through that pain.
While she didn’t regret the past days when she endured one-sided love, grateful even for that, she didn’t want to experience such times again.
Once closed, her heart was not easily reopened. Rather than starting over with Leon, Ellen wanted to remember him as a bittersweet first love—a good memory.
Though there had been much pain, she still wanted to leave it at that: as the woman who loved him.
“Date someone you truly love instead of me. If you’re thinking of going back to me with a light heart, I’ll have to refuse.”
And that was it. Ellen tried to steady her wavering heart by uttering harsh words to Leon.
Even after Ellen’s rejection, Leon showed no signs of leaving Alber Village. The next day, he appeared again, and the day after that, too.
He continued helping with village work. Somehow, he always arrived before Ellen did, as if he knew her schedule.
“What can I help with today?”
He naturally offered to lend a hand where manpower was lacking. His exceptional abilities were being wasted here.
“There’s no need for your help. You don’t need to waste your skills.”
Each time, Ellen curtly rejected his offer. She deliberately acted cold to provoke him, but Leon didn’t seem bothered. Instead, he smiled and said,
“Call me anytime if you need my help.”
“….”
The smile he now showed—one he hadn’t even shown while they were dating—was unwelcome. It felt insincere, and Ellen tried her best to ignore it.
“The sky is blue and the air is clear here in Alber Village, just as you said.”
“Yes.”
Occasionally, he would strike up a conversation, and she would respond with short answers. She couldn’t completely ignore him, so she gave him the bare minimum response.
Just as Leon had done when Ellen tried to talk to him during their dates.
She wondered if he was offended and glanced at his expression, but he showed no signs of displeasure or irritation.
He merely smiled as he gazed at the clear sky, seemingly genuinely appreciating the scenery of Alber Village.
“….”
She couldn’t tell whether he wasn’t affected at all or whether he simply didn’t show his emotions.
What is he planning?
Ellen remained cautious whenever she encountered Leon, unwilling to let her guard down. But seeing him every day gradually changed her feelings. His consistent kindness made his presence feel familiar.
No! He’s not someone I should give my heart to.
So each time, Ellen fought an internal battle to steady her wavering feelings.
It’s harder than I thought.
Leon watched Ellen’s retreating figure as she curtly answered and tried to distance herself from him. A bitter smile spread across his face.
He revealed a glimpse of his feelings to her, hoping she might understand even a little.
But Ellen didn’t try to understand his feelings. Instead, she became more guarded, building walls to keep him away.
So Leon decided to postpone confessing his true feelings. Instead, he planned to stay by her side and gradually break down her defenses.
He tried to engage her in casual conversation, but her responses were cold, as if she didn’t want to talk.
I used to act like that, too.
Now Leon truly understood how much pain Ellen must have felt from his coldness in the past. Seeing her attitude now hurt him deeply.
Her closed heart caused him pain, and he felt sorrow for the wounds she must have endured because of him.
The problem was that this was only a fraction of the pain he had caused Ellen. He had hurt her far more deeply in other ways.
Feeling immense guilt, Leon reflected on his complacent attitude of trying to win her back with mere apologies.
Do I even deserve forgiveness from her?
He hesitated, wondering if he should give up on Ellen and return to Melchia as she wished.
As long as her emotional scars remained, his presence would not be a welcome one.
But.
Even if giving up was better for Ellen, Leon couldn’t bring himself to let her go. Life without her was unbearably difficult and painful.
Her absence alone had left him unable to focus on his work, putting him at risk of being expelled from the Imperial Knights. He couldn’t focus on his present life, and he doubted he could live his future properly without her.
That’s why Leon couldn’t let go of Ellen.
Even if it was hard, even if it took time, he thought it would be better to wait for her anger to subside and for the resentment buried deep in her heart to be released. It would be better than living a life without her.
Just having Ellen before his eyes was enough for him. Despite the pain, her curt attitude was endearing to him.
He wanted to hold her, kiss her lips, and tell her he loved her countless times. But he could only suppress these feelings.
As long as he could stay by her side, he felt he could endure anything.
Except for one thing.
Leon’s gaze shifted to the man approaching Ellen. His eyes burned with an intensity close to murderous intent.
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Donna disappointed me. At least someone should have given this guy a good beating. It would have required a year of therapy to get him back to his knighthood.
Benim kız kardeşime veya kuzenime bunları yapacak ve ben böyle salacam onu. Yok öyle bir dünya. İsterse dük olsun kral olsun onun süründüğünden emin olmam gerek. Korkak piç, kendisinde ayrılık konuşması yapacak kadar göt yok bir de kötü davranıyor kıza, kızın onu ne kadar çok sevdiğini bilmesine rağmen . Bir kere şu iddaa olayı tam dayaklık. Sırf o mesele için bile dişlerinin kıracak bir yumruğu hakediyor. Ne dinsiz imansız bir puştsun sen be! İnsan en azından yarısında canı acır düzgün davranır kıza. Orospu çocuğu şerefsiz göt. Aşıkmış bir de amına koyduğumun angutu