“It’s not fussing. I mean it.”

“We saw each other this morning.”

“Seeing someone in the morning doesn’t mean you don’t want to see them again by evening.”

After marriage, Silvia had had almost no contact with her parents. For some reason, whenever she visited they were unavailable, often away. The distance between them grew gradually, and five years after Silvia’s marriage, she received word that both of them had gone missing at sea. Silvia had been very sharp and raw at the time. It was after learning that the parents she could lean on no longer existed in this world that she began to lean on Luke. She thought that was also when she had opened her heart to him.

“Why? Do you want to buy a new dress again? Or is there a hat you like?”

“Mother, really. At this age there’s never enough of those things. Even if I bought a new dress today, I wouldn’t have enough to wear right away.”

“Ha, so in the end you want me to buy you something. All right, since my daughter actually came into her mother’s arms for the first time in ages, I’ll buy it for you.”

Ella pulled Silvia into a hug and laughed with pleasure. Silvia quietly wiped away the tears that had gathered in her eyes with her glove and smiled beautifully. It was truly wonderful to be eighteen again. In that moment, Silvia felt grateful to the faceless man.

He had made it possible for her to reunite with people she had loved, people she had missed……even if this turned out to be nothing but a dream, she had no complaints.

* * *

The ballroom was everything a royal ball should be, magnificent beyond measure. Dome-shaped, with octagonally carved stone pillars standing grandly throughout. The thick, close air that hit you the moment you stepped inside, and the ballroom floor so packed with people there was barely room to pass……looking at that, it was unmistakably a royal ball. From the entrance, Silvia swallowed.

This feeling, this air. She truly felt the reality of having returned thirty years into the past. Popular young ladies moved about with little notebooks, writing down the names of gentlemen for upcoming dances, while the so-called ‘wallflowers,’ the less sought-after ladies, stood at a distance from the dance floor waiting for a gentleman to ask them. Being the main character once again in this space filled with that subtle tension and excitement was, for Silvia, both bewildering and not entirely unwelcome.

Silvia could feel the courtship of the many men watching her and the admiration or envy of the many young ladies crossing over her skin. The more she felt all those gazes, the more she wanted to see Luke. Silvia looked back at Ella.

“Don’t worry about me. Go and enjoy yourself with your friends.”

Ella spoke gently, reading her daughter’s heart before Silvia even had to ask. Silvia smiled softly in response. She stepped forward and began searching for Luke.

He was a man who stood out anywhere. Dark gray hair and cool gray eyes. The man whose entire being seemed to glow in shades of gray was tall and well-built. As far as Silvia knew, Luke had trained harder than anyone else.

His body stirred something in Silvia close to awe. At the same time, being held by him was simply wonderful. Silvia pressed her own flushed cheeks between her palms at the mere thought and moved her gaze quickly around the room.

Since this was a ball to find a bride for the prince, far more young ladies than gentlemen were visible. The parents of these ladies had paid enormous sums behind the scenes to secure attendance. Invitations had even been sold on the black market, a peculiar situation that had actually come to pass.

As a result, the ballroom was full of young women who had just come up from the countryside and had little real understanding of what high society was. It was a clear display of parental ambition……parents who had heard their daughters called pretty back home and were determined to make them the prince’s bride.

“Silvia, you’re late.”

The woman who approached with a bright smile was Jane Dobson, the same age as Silvia. Jane had an unremarkable face and an ordinary figure. But Silvia knew Jane’s strengths better than anyone. She didn’t stand out at first glance, but the more you knew her, the more charm she had.

She was considerate of others and carried conversations with anyone with a maturity beyond her years. Above all, Silvia knew who Jane would marry. She would marry Prince Andrew Ketus and become queen. She had not been able to produce an heir, but Silvia remembered her as having carried out the heavy responsibilities of queenship quite admirably.

“Jane!”

Silvia had not been able to sincerely celebrate when Jane married the prince. When Jane came to find her to explain the situation before the wedding, Silvia had turned her away at the door, and when they met at balls she exchanged nothing beyond greetings.

After nearly thirty years of estrangement, a message came from Jane one day. She said she was so saddened to hear Silvia was ill and wanted to send good medicine. She even offered to send a physician, and Jane had done exactly that.

Perhaps the lingering regret was not having made peace with Jane face to face. Silvia had not had the strength left to write a letter, so she had asked Luke to write one on her behalf.

Without quite realizing it, Silvia pulled Jane into a sudden embrace. Jane seemed startled by the abruptness of it, but like Ella, she smiled warmly and hugged Silvia back.

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“What do you mean why, I just missed you. I’m sorry, and sorry again, and sorry. I’m truly, truly sorry.”

Jane smiled brightly at Silvia’s apology. She did not add any question about what there was to be sorry for. That was the kind of woman Jane was. When someone apologized to her, she never asked why. The same went for when someone was short with her. She simply quietly assumed there must be something she herself had done wrong. Even if Silvia had done something awful behind Jane’s back, Jane had always said, as if by habit, that if she didn’t know about it, it was better to simply not know.

“I understand, it’s too crowded here, let’s move over there. I saved a seat for you.”

Jane linked arms with Silvia and they walked together. Silvia slipped the shawl from her shoulders and handed it to a passing attendant carrying a tray of champagne. Jane looked Silvia up and down from head to toe.

“Silvia, you look even prettier today. It was a good thing you didn’t take off your shawl in front of the Countess. If she had seen your chest half-exposed, she would have scolded you terribly.”

“That’s exactly why I kept the shawl pulled tight in the carriage.”

Silvia smiled prettily. It had been a long time since she wore something she actually liked. Her chest was half-bared and the sleeves were short. The exposed areas had been covered with sheer lace at her husband’s influence, but either way, it was undeniably more alluring and made her figure look more full.

Her translucent skin and smooth complexion were more than enough to stir the impulse to take a bite. Her hair had been swept up high, with small curling tendrils left to frame her hairline. Several ribbons were tied into her hair, adding brightness, and her neck looked far longer than usual, giving her an almost elegant air. Both the image of a temptress and that of a composed woman existed in Silvia at once.

“By the way, what about Duke Ambrose? Has he arrived?”

“Duke Ambrose? Why are you looking for the Duke?”

“Ah, well. I was wondering if he would attend even on a night like this. It seemed like he didn’t come to the last one either.”

In truth, Silvia knew that Luke didn’t skip balls because he disliked them……he simply didn’t have the time to attend. His shipping business was doing so well that he was needed everywhere. But most people, unaware of this, had collectively concluded that Luke simply hated balls.

After marriage, his dislike of them became accepted fact. He had said he hated men asking Silvia to dance. He also said he hated that time spent at balls meant less time making love. There had been one occasion when Luke, mid-ball, had grown thoroughly heated while dancing with Silvia, and without a word to anyone about leaving, had taken only Silvia and walked into the first room he found.

At first, Silvia had wondered what had gotten into him. Not knowing what went on in conversations between men, she had only guessed that something might have angered him. He locked the door and made love to Silvia as though it were a secret rendezvous. He turned her around without warning, made her brace against the back of the sofa, lifted her skirts, and buried himself inside her. The sudden entry was painful and disorienting enough that she looked at him wondering if he had lost his mind……and he had. Completely. Over her.

There were a few moments that made her wonder whether that could truly be called love, but he had always been so gentle otherwise, and seeing him come at her like a man possessed with desperation was rather unexpected. Perhaps that was why. She had felt it several times more intensely than usual. That strange, overwhelming sensation of being filled completely. Luke finished twice in that locked room, and what finally ended things was the sound of knocking from outside. In truth, Silvia had barely registered the knocking at that point.