Chapter 114

“My feelings are nothing compared to your life. If you can live, then what happens to my heart doesn’t matter.”

“You said you love me.”

“Lirie, it’s because I love you that I’m making this choice.”

“Because you love me… you’ll let me go? If you do that, I won’t be by your side.”

Edward nodded, as if ready to bear it all.

I stared at him blankly.

“I told you—I want you to live. My heart is useless. If you can live, nothing else matters.”

“You’ll be in pain for the rest of your life. You might regret this choice.”

“It doesn’t matter. If I were going to regret it, I wouldn’t have chosen to let you go.”

There was no trace of hesitation in his eyes or words.

He seemed calm, as though he had already accepted this ending.

“If you can be happy without me, then I’ll be fine. It will hurt, but it won’t be worse than what you’ve gone through until now.”

“…”

Edward said this with a faint smile.

Even seeing that smile brought me no relief.

I clenched the blanket tightly in my fists, then released it.

“…Please leave.”

“Rest well, Lirie.”

With nothing left to say to Edward, I lay down and turned my back to him.

He treated me with courtesy until the moment he left.

Once the door closed behind him, I picked up the document he had given me and read it again.

The neat, orderly handwriting—Edward’s handwriting I knew well—spelled out his promise to grant my request.

“Yes… everything is going the way I wanted. Just a little longer, and I can go somewhere no one will bother me.”

I murmured to myself, as if to ease the tightness in my chest.

Yes, everything really was fine.

Even so, my muddled head refused to settle.

I quietly closed my eyes, wishing that when I woke, I would feel nothing at all.

***

“My lord, her ladyship is asleep.”

“…Well done. Stay with her at all times—no one knows when she might wake.”

“Understood.”

In the dead of night, Edward’s study was brightly lit.

Piles of documents towered on his desk as Betty stood before him.

Since Lirie’s health was still far from fully recovered, Betty remained in her bedroom even while she slept, ready to respond in case of an emergency.

“My lord, aren’t you going to see her tonight?”

“If I go, I’ll only disturb her rest.”

“But you’re worried about her…”

Ever since Lirie had awakened, Edward had checked on her every time she slept.

And because Betty never once left her side, she knew it well.

In Edward’s eyes, whenever he looked at Lirie asleep, there was both relief and sorrow.

“It’s better for her if you’re there instead of me. You must make sure she doesn’t suffer again.”

“Wouldn’t it be better for you to see her with your own eyes?”

“…Make sure she takes all the medicine the physician prescribed.”

Betty’s suggestion made Edward falter for a moment, but he continued speaking as if nothing had happened.

Betty found it frustrating, the way he worried so deeply about Lirie while pretending otherwise.

“Did you have a good talk with her?”

“What’s there to talk about? No matter what’s said, I’ll only do what she wants.”

Edward answered as though it were obvious.

To Betty, who had hoped the two would grow closer, it was a disappointing response.

‘Well, after everything they’ve been through, it’s not like one conversation would fix it…’

Betty sighed quietly, just enough that Edward wouldn’t hear.

“Nothing else matters. Lirie’s recovery comes first.”

“…I understand, Your Grace”

Though Edward’s eyes stayed fixed on his documents, his lips still spoke Lirie’s name.

Betty left the study, thinking about the two equally frustrating people.

“Ha…”

Once Betty was gone, Edward pressed his fingers to his forehead and let out a long breath.

Even now, he wanted to go to Lirie’s room to see her sleeping face.

He had to hold back.

The desire to go was strong, but his feet wouldn’t move.

Whenever he saw her sleeping, the guilt weighed on him so heavily he could hardly bear it.

Even without going, that guilt clung to him constantly, so he could only throw himself into his work as if possessed.

He slept less than two hours a day.

The butler and aide, seeing the exhaustion written all over him, could not hide their concern.

“At this rate, you’ll collapse, my lord!”

“Indeed. You must get at least some rest.”

Edward gave a hollow smile to the butler and aide, who repeated their worries so often it was almost drilled into his ears.

“If my falling ill could somehow help Lirie recover, that would be worth it. Don’t you think?”

“Overworking yourself won’t make her ladyship heal any faster. On the contrary—if you collapse, the House of Winderton will be in danger.”

“…If only I could be the one who’s ill instead.”

The looks on the butler and aide’s faces when he said that—staring at him as though he were speaking nonsense—still lingered vividly in his mind.

“She’s lived as a noble all her life… it’ll be difficult for her to live alone.”

Edward muttered to himself as he looked over a sheet of paper.

It wasn’t a document about the House of Winderton or his business that he was reading—it was a map, marked with every nation in the empire and beyond.

Once Lirie recovered, Edward intended to divorce her.

The emperor and the Duke of Scarlett might try to interfere, but it didn’t matter.

He had promised her.

This time, no matter what, he would keep his word.

Once the divorce was finalized by mutual consent, Edward planned to give her an enormous sum in alimony.

‘Because all the wrongs were mine…’

It was true that the divorce would be by mutual agreement, but the fault lay with him.

Even if she, by her nature, refused it, Edward still intended to give her the money.

‘It’ll be hard enough for her to live alone… at the very least, she shouldn’t have to worry about money.’

He was sending her away so she could live without hardship and be happy—he couldn’t stand the thought of her struggling over something as petty as finances.

As he considered how much to give her, his fingers drummed lightly on the desk.

“I’m going insane from not wanting to let her go.”

No matter how he steeled himself, that thought never changed.

He wanted her to stay by his side.

He knew it was a greedy, shameless wish, but he couldn’t rid himself of it.

In moments like this, he felt like a selfish, despicable monster.

Even after she told him how much she was suffering, he still harbored such thoughts.

“Truly the worst…”

He carefully opened a desk drawer and took out a set of divorce papers, making sure not to crease them.

He had drawn them up when he first married Lirie, already contemplating divorce back then.

At the time, he had never imagined he would come to love her.

He had resolved that, after biding his time for a while following the wedding, he would absolutely divorce her.

Now, staring at the papers written in his own hand, he recalled those days.

Most of the fields were already filled in—only Lirie’s name and signature were missing.

Once she wrote her name and signed, their marriage would be over.

And with that, she could finally break free from every place and person who had tormented her.

“If only I could turn back time…”

He wished he could return to a time before he had hurt her.

***

While Edward was staring at the papers, I lay in bed, eyes wide open, not asleep at all.

I knew perfectly well that Betty was standing outside the room.

Holding my breath, I lay still so she wouldn’t come in.

“I can’t sleep…”

Though it was late, my eyes still shone bright, like someone who had just woken from a good rest.

“Is Lirie sleeping well?”

“Yes, my lord.”

Then, from beyond the door, I heard Edward’s voice—followed by Betty’s. I focused, straining to catch every word.

“Are you going in?”

“No, I only came to check that she’s sleeping well.”

To my relief, Edward didn’t come inside—he stayed in the hallway.

“My lord, if you’re so worried, why do you avoid her? You always used to watch her while she slept.”

Betty’s voice carried a note of curiosity.

I waited, without realizing it, for his reply.

“If I see her sleeping… I don’t think I’ll be able to let her go.”