Chapter 1.3

When she opened her eyes, she was lying in bed, covered with a blanket. 

The housekeeper sat by her bedside, looking at her with concern, saying she had a slight fever. When she raised her hand to touch her forehead, she realized it was true. 

“Do you know how shocked I was earlier? You fainted, Young Madam.” 

“You must have struggled to lay me down.”

“Goodness, you’re so light it startled me.”

The housekeeper joked lightly, then left briefly before returning with warm porridge and emergency cold medicine. Knowing that she had trouble swallowing pills, she brought individually packaged stick medicine. 

“I know you don’t usually eat breakfast, but you shouldn’t take medicine on an empty stomach.” 

She rarely ate breakfast. When her mother was alive, she had always prepared it for her, but after her mother passed away, she lost the desire to eat alone. 

At some point, an empty stomach became more comfortable. After getting married, she understood why her husband didn’t eat breakfast either. 

Even when their schedules aligned and the housekeeper prepared breakfast, she never asked her husband to join her. At first, it felt awkward. Then, as she grew accustomed to eating alone, it became embarrassing to even bring it up. 

“Oh my, you’re eating well today. Just one bite isn’t enough, is it?”

Although she didn’t want to eat, she opened her mouth at the housekeeper’s gentle encouragement, treating her like a child. The housekeeper was an exceptional cook. 

Judging by the breakfast she prepared every day, even though she knew Go Ah-jin wouldn’t eat much, it was clear how much care she put into her cooking. Even with a simple bowl of porridge, she poured her heart into it. 

‘Why did I suddenly faint? My body isn’t usually this weak.’

Although porridge didn’t require chewing, she chewed it thoroughly as she thought. Was her husband’s reaction that shocking? 

If she were going to faint, it would have been better to do so in front of him. Then she could have seen his reaction. That was the only regret she had. 

No, that’s not right. If it were her husband, he would have simply called the housekeeper and left for work anyway. 

“You don’t have a fever.” 

She recalled how he had treated her like a patient that morning. 

‘Now I’ve become a real patient.’

She laughed bitterly and looked at the closed window. Outside, she could faintly hear the sound of rain. 

Drip. Drip-drip. 

The sound of rain tapping against the window somehow caught her attention. 

“Are you feeling stifled? I’ll open the window for you.”

The housekeeper, perceptive as ever, opened the window slightly. 

Thin, thread-like rain was falling. “It’s so pretty,” the housekeeper murmured, and Go Ah-jin’s lips trembled slightly. 

It was similar. The atmosphere was just like the day her mother left. 

Her mother used to say the rain was so pretty when it fell like this. Go Ah-jin would complain, saying rain was just rain—what was so pretty about it? She’d grumble about how annoying it was to carry an umbrella. 

“But rain like this doesn’t last long.” 

Her mother had said that with a bright smile. 

Go Ah-jin had pretended not to notice, but she knew that rainy days were when her father would visit her mother. Her mother’s smile was because of that. 

The anticipation that her father might come. Or the anxiety that he might not. Those emotions lingered faintly at the edges of her mother’s smile. 

“It’s silly. If he comes, he comes. If he doesn’t, he doesn’t.”

She had said those words loudly, as if for her mother to hear. 

Ever since she’d grown up, her father’s visits weren’t so welcome anymore.

When her father came in, leaving his rain-soaked umbrella open in the corner of the living room and heading to her mother’s room, she was left to sit alone in the living room.

Her father wasn’t the type to carry an umbrella. She was sure his wife back at his main house had prepared it for him. She would quickly fold it up and move it to the entrance so no one would see it left in the corner.

For some reason, it felt like the right thing to do. 

Whenever she did that, she felt like an unworthy presence in the world. Yet, she couldn’t stop. It felt like something she had to do. 

“Rain like this doesn’t last long. I’m glad I didn’t bring an umbrella—it would’ve been too heavy.” 

The housekeeper spoke as she looked out the window, then scooped another spoonful of porridge and brought it to Go Ah-jin’s lips. When Go Ah-jin said she was too full to eat, the housekeeper joked that she’d make her eat another bowl, leaving Go Ah-jin no choice but to open her mouth. Though she wasn’t hungry, the porridge was delicious. 

“I’ll take the medicine now.” 

“Go ahead. You finished half today.”

The housekeeper handed her the medicine stick. Curious about how she remembered Go Ah-jin couldn’t swallow pills, Go Ah-jin asked. The housekeeper laughed as if it were nothing. 

“How could I not know? When you run a household, you see everything clearly. …Though the Senior Madam doesn’t like me saying such things.”  

That was right. The housekeeper had been sent by her mother-in-law, Madam Shin. Having managed the household in such a large house, it was no wonder her intuition was so sharp. 

She had grown accustomed to the housekeeper’s warm care and kind smiles, forgetting for a moment who she truly was. 

How could she have forgotten? The housekeeper was Madam Shin’s person. 

“I’m only like this in front of you, Young Madam. In front of the Senior Madam, I wouldn’t dare.”

Come to think of it, the first time the two of them had opened up to each other was when they talked about Madam Shin. 

The housekeeper had mentioned how, during her time at the other house, even eating a single meal required careful discretion. She had lived almost entirely on digestive medicine but said she hadn’t needed it since coming to this house. 

Back then, Go Ah-jin had instinctively held the housekeeper’s hands tightly. 

“I like how honest you are, Ma’am.” 

Honesty was a tremendous virtue. There were far more people in the world who couldn’t afford to be honest than those who could. In this household, perhaps both she and her husband belonged to the former group. 

Especially Go Ah-jin herself—she believed her very existence could never be honest. Pretending to be the legitimate child of her father’s legal wife and marrying her husband was her way of trying to appear less inferior. 

Now that she thought about it, she should’ve brought up that story alongside the divorce. If she had, her husband might have agreed to it. After all, deceiving him was no different from betrayal. 

When she mentioned divorce, she had expected her husband to agree. On the other hand, she had also hoped he would flare up in anger and tell her not to say such absurd things. It was a contradictory and selfish desire. 

As for her husband, she had no way of knowing what he had been thinking when he said those words. 

From the moment they met for their arranged marriage, she hadn’t been able to grasp his true thoughts. She had waited, believing that one day he would reveal his heart to her, but all her efforts had been in vain. 

Would it have been better if she had refused the marriage back then? 

Her father’s words, telling her she wasn’t capable of handling a man like her husband, echoed in her mind. She had wanted to prove him wrong, but things had turned out this way. 

Still, she didn’t want to give up on the rest of her life. 

After taking the medicine, she felt noticeably better. Perhaps it was because her empty stomach had been filled, but she began to think about leaving this house. 

It was fortunate that the rain was about to stop. When the weather was dark and gloomy, it only made her feel even more weighed down. 

“Don’t stay until the afternoon. Go home early.” 

She advised the housekeeper.

“Are you heading out somewhere?” 

“Yes. I’m planning to leave this house.” 

Her cryptic tone left the housekeeper puzzled, unsure of the meaning behind her words, but she pretended not to notice. Even Go Ah-jin herself hadn’t fully thought through what she had said—it had come out impulsively. 

‘Where should I go once I leave here?’

She considered meeting her father to talk about her decision to divorce but quickly dismissed the idea. If she went to him now, he would surely ignore her. Worse, he might treat her like a madwoman. 

It wasn’t the time for threats of dying anymore. 

More than anything, she didn’t want to die. 

With the firm goal of successfully divorcing her husband, she wasn’t ready to give up so easily. She wanted to experience life without her husband first—only then would she decide whether or not to turn her back on the world. 

A short while later, she finished preparing to go out and stood wearing her husband’s coat. The difference in their physiques was obvious, making it oversized on her, but its thick material seemed warm. She had seen it featured in a magazine as a limited-edition coat from a luxury brand. 

Since her husband had thrown it at her and told her to wear it, it would’ve been a waste not to. 

Last night, he had torn apart the blanket she had quite liked, so she planned to ruin this coat as much as possible. She couldn’t tear it with her strength, but she intended to wear it carelessly and recklessly. 

“But Young Madam! Where are you going?” 

“Wherever my feet take me.” 

“What? What does that even mean?” 

She rarely went out, and when she did, she would usually handle everything she needed to do in one outing. She always told people where she was going, but today, she didn’t feel like disclosing her plans. 

She planned to return later than her husband. 

“Oh, and throw away the torn blanket under the bed.” 

Whenever their physical encounters ended, she would leave the torn blankets under the bed and later clean them up herself. But this time, she asked the housekeeper to throw it away. It didn’t matter anymore—it had lost all meaning. 

Looking out the window, she saw that the rain had indeed stopped. Raising the collar of her coat, she left the room.