1.

「I ask you, who are reading this right now in that place.

Do you know anything about greed?

Desire is so fickle yet tenaciously cruel. It is a great cause and effect that even gods cannot defy, a calamity that shakes human life to its very core.

And my story begins with the scheme of a certain goddess who could not overcome that desire, during the time when the night’s Nut devoured the day and the world was dyed in darkness for ten days.

How about it. Aren’t you a little curious?」

My Odil.

“Just how long must you toy with me before you’re satisfied?”

Your deep blue eyes are cold as ice and sharp as a wolf’s claws. The wolf’s claws that tore its own child to shreds, blinded by the scent of flowers. And I am the sinner who stood by and watched, the sacrifice.

It’s because I loved you far too much.

“Don’t tell me your heart has changed now. You already know full well there’s no turning back, so what more do you want me to do?”

Your face visible beyond the round table. I sensed the disillusionment and exhaustion hidden behind that indifferent expression.

But Odil, do you remember?

The high-backed chair you’re sitting in now is actually furniture we chose together, hand in hand. We purchased that chair directly from Azir’s workshop, famous for rosewood. It wasn’t particularly luxurious, but I liked that chair from the start. It seemed like it would match perfectly with this table you personally chose and gave me as a gift.

Do you remember Azir?

Located in the duchy’s south, Azir is a resort famous for its hot springs. It’s also the city where we first traveled incognito together when we had just turned twenty. It was full spring, and the flower fragrance wafting from everywhere was thick enough to make one’s head spin. Even you, who avoided crowds, hid your displeasure thoroughly that day alone.

It’s because you loved me so much.

“All the preparations are finished. There’s no turning back now. So don’t cause trouble by making a fuss at this point.”

But my Odil.

Your large hands that once supported me firmly are now separated from me, gripping the armrest with all their might. As though you never made that resolute vow to never let go. To love only me forever and live that way.

Ah, how fragile are human vows!

“Then.”

Your dark blue eyes passed over me toward the door, as indifferent as gazing at a still life. Your back as you left the room without looking back even once was cold like a painting rather than something real. Herot gently consoled me as I silently watched that scene.

“Please rest now, Your Grace. You only just woke up not long ago.”

My kind and faithful Herot. She is my old friend and nanny who moved here with me from the estate. She’s also my benefactor who has cared for me attentively since childhood when I still smelled of milk.

Of course, this is probably a story you already know. I am the daughter of Rialto Celestine Job, a collateral line of the small kingdom of Richentina and also very distant blood of the imperial family.

My mother, Rialto Celestine, was the cousin of Berche, the boy king of Richentina. That young king, said to be beautiful enough to be famous across the continent, was the very person who arranged the marriage talks between my mother and father. He passed away early due to a weak constitution, but fortunately, my mother was able to safely hold the ceremony with my father just before the small kingdom collapsed with the monarch’s death. And my father, Marquis Job, was an old friend of your father, the previous Grand Duke.

Thanks to that, I was betrothed to you before I could even fully learn to read. I had no complaints. It felt natural, as though it was meant to be that way.

Do you remember, Odil? From the age of ten, I held small tea parties every month and sent you invitations. Looking back now, it must have been quite an annoying pestering. But you never once showed such signs.

Growing up that way, finally on your coming-of-age ceremony day, we hid on the terrace and kissed for the first time.

Inside the moist and soft mouth was the subtle scent of wine. My hands were damp with sweat, and my ten toes curled inward. The faint sound of insects echoing, the scent of moisture-soaked leaves, and the faint moonlight melting between our overlapping lips.

I felt like I had finally become a woman.

We were always together from then on. Of course, it wasn’t always peaceful. Many nobles were dissatisfied with the union between blood of a fallen small kingdom and the heir who would inherit the duchy. However, the fickle duchy citizens who loved romance adored our love story. On our wedding day, the lily bouquets they offered covered the inside and outside of the castle entirely in white.

I loved the meaning of lilies. Unchanging love. I thought there could be no words more fitting for us. It was a thoughtless and careless delusion only possible at that age. Flowers eventually wither when their time comes.

“Your Grace?”

Herot called me again as I was lost in thought. Her face clearly full of worry seemed strangely unfamiliar, and I momentarily lost my words.

“……Sorry. I was thinking of something else for a moment.”

“You still haven’t fully recovered after all. Come, please go inside. Quickly.”

Her skilled hands were as careful as handling an underdeveloped child. I understood that concern. Exactly one week ago from today, I lost consciousness after falling from a horse.

It was my mistake to handle a horse that wasn’t fully trained out of needless competitiveness. However, unlike the past when I only broke an ankle, the ‘me’ in ‘this place’ lost consciousness for six days. It must mean that it wasn’t easy for a soul that had already stopped breathing once to revive by turning back time.

But when I first woke up, I had no awareness of it. My body was perfectly fine even though my heart had clearly been pierced and I died, which was very strange. I couldn’t believe it, so I held onto Herot all day confirming the date. The doctor who rushed over upon hearing I had awakened diagnosed me with mild delirium upon seeing me like that. It was absurd. When was the last time my head was this clear?

“Yes, I will.”

But there was no way to explain it all, so I just closed my mouth. My body did feel sluggish, probably from properly collapsing onto the ground.

It was while I was passing by Herot without much comment. A thin silver line hidden by her collar caught my eye and I tilted my head. Why would someone who hates cumbersome things and doesn’t even wear rings be wearing jewelry?

Ah. But the answer came immediately. After Herot died, the person who came to me with the news of her death was her lover, I recalled simultaneously. So it started from this time. My own indifference felt newly embarrassing.

To make a slight excuse, the me at this time had all my attention focused on the princess who would soon enter the palace, lacking peace of mind. Each day was uncomfortable like sitting on a bed of nails due to rumors of the beautiful foreign princess who had set her heart on the young Grand Duke.

So how could I have been so relaxed?

“Herot. It seems there’s been good news lately.”

However, I didn’t want to be shameless enough to ignore it even while knowing. That wouldn’t do either. At my sudden words, both of Herot’s cheeks instantly turned rosy.

“Ah, that is……”

“Yes.”

“Actually, I didn’t mean to…… I was wondering when to tell you and ended up—”

Her appearance, unable to hide her excitement even while being embarrassed, was clearly a woman in love to anyone’s eyes. Without a single complaint of feeling hurt, how could she care for someone as heartless as me to the very end? That loyalty felt both touching and guilt-inducing.

“I’m not angry. I’m just…… happy.”

So this life, you won’t die. I smiled while conveying that secret resolution to her. Herot seemed quite moved by that.

“Thank you, Your Grace. I’m truly happy.”

Then please rest. Herot’s excited voice tickled my back.

Thud.

However, the smooth arc at my lips that looked drawn disappeared completely with the sound of the door closing. The woman’s face reflected in the window was frighteningly expressionless, giving me chills. I quickly closed the shutters, hating to see that pale face.

I realized I was out of breath only after the light disappeared. The bedroom, where I had all the curtains replaced with thick ones after waking up, was pitch black like a cave even during the day. All that was visible was darkness like night had been cut and pasted. But my heart was more peaceful than ever.

I am a servant of hatred who finally finds rest in darkness, a vengeful spirit craving misfortune. A long exhale burst out the moment I realized it. I had finally taken off my mask.

So let me make a confession.

Earlier, when I faced Herot’s face full of excitement. Actually at that moment, I felt a desire as sticky as a swamp and as gloomy as a night graveyard. The impulse to slash apart all that clearly revealed expectation and happiness with my soft tongue as a blade. That innocent expression, that harmless-looking face that still possessed everything I had lost! If only I could tear it to shreds and destroy it with my own hands, I felt it would be incredibly satisfying.

That pitch-black passion grew shamelessly with each moment, trying to swallow me whole. Actually, it wasn’t such an unfamiliar sensation. The madness I’ve suffered from all my life. I simply finally recognized and faced its true identity.

But my Odil. Please don’t misunderstand. The traces of that aimless passion are merely unpleasant, but my wish for Herot’s happiness is nothing but sincere. The target of my resentment and hatred is so clear and unwavering that you need not be anxious.

Then, see you tomorrow.

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