No, that must be right. I’m not a woman who suits him.
Once I recognized my position, embarrassment washed over me. The thought that I had misunderstood and asked a question that made him uncomfortable based on my own assumptions was utterly mortifying.
“Oh, it’s nothing.”
“Hmm?”
When I denied it, the Duke’s gaze narrowed. Puzzlement seeped through his narrowly folded eyes.
But that look didn’t last long.
After lowering my gaze in embarrassment, I raised my head to check his reaction and our eyes met.
“……!”
I flinched in surprise, my shoulders trembling.
His deep crimson eyes held me steadily without a trace of wavering. Even when I turned my gaze aside in surprise, his gaze followed as if unwilling to let me go.
Meeting that intensely persistent gaze again, I felt breathless.
I thought it was just my imagination. He was probably setting the mood only to break it and tease me. Since he had a playful personality, that was entirely possible.
That’s what I tried to believe until the Duke turned back from his departure and approached me, coming right up to my face.
A distance close enough for our breaths to touch. He curved his lips at me as I shrank back.
It was a smile anyone could make, but his was different. My body trembled involuntarily at his smile, deeply tinged with sensuality.
“D-Duke.”
I called him with a trembling voice. I didn’t want to understand why I was trembling. Because understanding meant acknowledging it.
That I had expected something from the man before me.
I told myself it was just my throat cracking from talking for so long. But that was the limit.
It was the boundary of how far I could blind myself.
“Levedi.”
He uttered my name in a low, husky voice.
Levedi.
It felt strange. Though it was a name I heard every day, coming from his lips, it felt awkward as if it weren’t my name at all.
The unfamiliar cadence made me exhale a short breath without realizing it.
“Haa.”
His persistent gaze directed at me as I exhaled that breath.
I flinched. Just as I wondered if I should have held my breath, his features with slowly lowered eyelids came into view.
Large, deep eyes, the sharp bridge of his nose extending below them, his full yet cold lips beneath, his sharp jawline…
I knew the Duke was handsome, but up close, his face appeared even more detailed—absolute perfection.
To the point where I suspected God might have breathed life into a personally crafted statue and sent it down to earth.
Before his excessive beauty, my sense of inadequacy deepened. But I didn’t allow even that inadequacy. Hadn’t I declared I would no longer be subordinate to men?
And yet…
“You’ve finally noticed.”
A quiet voice penetrated my ear. No, it pierced my heart directly.
Between my legs tingled. As my calves, supporting my body, began to tremble slightly, he added in a whisper:
“I thought I would die trying to bring you this far.”
“W-what do you mean?”
It was when I barely managed to ask the question with courage.
With a fluid motion, he raised his hand, then extended his index finger to press against my lips. The trivial sensation of my lips being squished felt strangely er*tic. Suddenly, I felt like crying.
I needed to get away from him. Going further would be dangerous. My instincts whispered. I nodded.
But before I could make a gesture to escape from him, the Duke’s polite yet audacious voice cut through the space.
No, it split my reason.
“May I kiss you?”
At that moment, his gaze looking at me was affectionate. Unlike his playful words, his eyes were pained. As if revealing emotions hidden for a long time.
My heart raced at that look. Beating wildly without a set rhythm, my heart felt like it would burst at any moment.
But the thread of reason that remained told me I should push him away. That I should leave this place.
But a thread was just a thread.
I closed my eyes.
It was just one kiss after all. Mixing lips once wouldn’t change anything. Whatever his feelings might be, my decision to remain single was unchanged.
As my thoughts reached this point, I felt a strong force pulling my waist toward him. His firm chest pressed against my soft one.
Then, with a hot breath, a sensation both soft and rough poured down onto my lips.
I was kissing Duke Esteban.
❀❀❀
Along with the unfamiliar sensation, an incredible thrill wrapped around my entire body.
It was strange that such an electrifying feeling could come from merely having lips touch lips. Before I could even think about how strange it was, my mind turned white as his tongue entwined with mine again.
It was madness.
I knew that.
But I couldn’t refuse. As if that small stimulus pressing against my lips had become a catalyst activating all the nerve cells in my body, my response was inevitable.
“Mmm…”
A muffled sound flowed from between my lips without my realizing it. But there was no time to feel embarrassed.
He embraced me again. The mucous sensation sticking to my lips felt good. His tongue entwining hotly was ecstatic.
With a feeling like I might cry, I unconsciously wrapped my arms around his waist. The waist my arms touched was firm. He was said to be a knight, and indeed that wasn’t an exaggeration.
My heart raced at the fact that such a solid man was desiring me. The fact that I was a woman was freshly reminded.
But as the gap between our touching lips widened, and his rapid breathing filled my ears at that moment, my body cooled. Along with it, my severed reason returned. Looking ahead, the Duke with his sticky gaze was staring at me.
Only then did I realize the mistake I had made.
“Ah.”
A sigh escaped between my lips. My heart sank.
Looking back at the flow of my thoughts just now, self-loathing washed over me. I couldn’t help but laugh bitterly.
The fact that I was a woman had brought me no meaning for the past two years. It was also a name that brought only wounds rather than benefits.
I found myself ridiculous for feeling momentary security in being subordinate to a man again. After suffering so much, yet again, like this…!
…I needed to regain my composure.
I looked up at him as he stroked my hair, as if heralding another beginning.
His touch paused, seemingly surprised by my gaze, different from before. A frozen gaze turned toward me.
I took a deep breath to steady my breathing. After my racing heart had calmed down and regained its rhythm as if nothing had happened.
At this moment when my hazy mind had become clear, I opened my mouth.
“Stop.”
It wasn’t just a message for him but also for myself.
I recalled the emotions I felt during the kiss earlier.
They were emotions utterly useless to me, someone determined to become the head of the family.
“Levedi…”
Wounded eyes turned toward me.
But I knew that if I dwelled on his hurt, I would be the one to get hurt.
“What just happened was a mistake for both of us.”
Even my husband, whom I had trusted, treated me as less than human the moment I defied him.
Even Father, whom I believed loved me without doubt, ultimately tried to place Josh in the position of family head without a single word of consultation with me.
Because it was so natural, I couldn’t even feel betrayed, and even if I did feel betrayed, there was no way to escape.
Nothing but acquiescence.
I knew, cruelly, that even if I knew about Josh’s trashy nature, nothing would have changed if the Duke hadn’t stepped in.
I also knew that even though he was less capable and had a dirty background, Father considered him better than me, a woman, as the only male in the family.
That’s why he tried to hand over even a small business to Josh. Despite knowing it was my entire life.
“Let’s forget it, both of us.”
There’s no guarantee that the man before me wouldn’t be the same as them.
After straightening my disheveled collar, I extended my hand to him. I was offering a handshake.
It was also drawing a line.
Saying our relationship was that of business partners, nothing more, nothing less.
I stared at the hand that had just been caressing me, hoping he would take it.
That’s when it happened.
A voice, seemingly calm yet wet with emotion, was heard:
“…It was not a mistake.”
His breath was rough as he uttered those words. Like someone who was angry.
Duke Esteban, always respectful, was angry. Seeing this unfamiliar side of him, I was dazed for a while, and only after some time passed could I barely open my mouth.
“For me, it was a mistake.”
At my words, the Duke’s eyes wavered. Seeing his reddened eyes at that moment, I felt guilty, but quickly shook it off.
Hadn’t I decided to live a life solely for myself? But if I admitted at this moment that it wasn’t a mistake, everything would be over.
“…Do you truly mean that?”
After staring at me silently for a long time with reddened eyes, Duke Esteban asked.
I could feel it was a question asked after much deliberation. Because his voice was soaked with indignation yet excessively calm.
At that moment, I had an ominous feeling. The anxiety that I might regret this moment.
But it must surely be a momentary emotion. Just like how I had kissed him, swayed by a moment and convinced in a moment, this premonition was also like that.
Repeating this to myself, I opened my mouth.
“Yes, I mean it.”
At that moment, the Duke lowered his head. Rough breathing could be heard from him as he looked down at the floor.
“I see…”
A distant despair was felt in his voice as he uttered those words.
I couldn’t understand.
We hadn’t known each other for long. I never thought my rejection would bring him despair.
Perhaps that’s why it was easier. Rejecting him. And saying that kiss was nothing.
In other words, he was too immersed in his emotions.
In reality, we had barely faced each other properly for even a month.
It’s too early to discuss love, and getting angry over being rejected makes even less sense.
That’s why I couldn’t understand him.
“I don’t understand you, Duke.”
At my words, he raised his head after staring at the floor for a while. His gaze now directed at me was filled with questions.
“What don’t you understand?”
“Your anger.”
“I’m not angry.”
“Weren’t you angry when I said everything was a mistake?”
“That’s…”
The Duke couldn’t respond further and trailed off. His appearance seemed cute, and at the same time, I realized something. That I was right.
His attitude was too hasty.
Of course, even if that wasn’t the case, I had no intention of accepting him. It’s unclear whether he’s sincere toward me, and I have no intention of meeting another man.
“We haven’t even known each other for a month.”
I opened my mouth to make him realize this point.
I was worried he might be embarrassed, but that was all. I wanted to quickly resolve this uncomfortable relationship and face him properly.
I sighed and waited for his answer. Without anticipating the response he was about to give.
“…That seems to be your thought, Levedi.”
“My thought alone? Are you saying we’ve met before?”
At my words, the Duke nodded. I tried to recall my memories. Then something suddenly came to mind.
“Ah, are you talking about when we met in front of the courthouse two years ago?”
If that was the case, I understood. But upon reflection, it made even less sense. Our meeting then was at most a few seconds. A brief moment not even a minute long.
Had the Duke been holding onto that moment, which could barely be called a point of contact?
How?
There was only one possibility that came to mind, and it was amusing even to myself. With a slight smile, I asked provocatively:
“Don’t tell me you fell for me at first sight back then?”
“…That wouldn’t be wrong.”
But the response was unexpected. Moreover, his tone and gaze were too serious. No, beyond serious, there was a hint of obsession.
It was a look and attitude I had never seen before. His red eyes were persistently intense, as if they would devour me.
If he seemed to be maintaining boundaries until now, now it seemed like there were none. How did it come to this? At this point, my mind was hazy.
The accumulated fatigue also hit me around this time. As in the past few days, today was particularly a day with many things to worry about.
I was tired. I wanted to rest soon.
Above all, it didn’t matter much how he thought of me. There were still unclear aspects, but that was his problem.
I was busy living my own life, and the answer I could give him was already determined.
There was no reason to drag this out any longer.
“I see. But for me, it was a mistake.”
I know these words will hurt him. But I also know that if I don’t shake this off somehow, I’ll be the one getting hurt.
Above all, I was afraid.
I want to become the head of the family. He said he would make me the head once our marriage contract expires. But what if I fall in love with him?
I didn’t have the confidence to divorce. I’m not ignorant of the fact that when you love someone, you want to be with them.
And once I give my heart to him, the future where I give him everything without limits was all too clear.
Of course, before imagining such a future, I couldn’t ignore the fact that I wasn’t even sure if his feelings were sincere.
“Isn’t it the same for you, Duke?”
“The same…? I don’t understand what you’re saying.”
He responded to my probing with confusion. Looking at his unsettled expression, I felt strange.
So maybe, just maybe, he might be sincere. But I soon laughed it off. That couldn’t be.
Why would the great Duke Esteban possibly…me, why?
Just as I could kiss without feelings, he must surely be the same.
The more meaning I attached to it, the more ridiculous I became.
“Let me be honest.”
“……”
“In that moment, I was attracted to you. I wanted to kiss you. Feel free to think of me as a loose woman. Sometimes in life, you might want to kiss someone of the opposite s*x who appeals to you.”
“……”
“And isn’t that why you kissed me too? When I asked if you liked me, you didn’t even respond.”
“……”
The Duke remained silent for a while. Seeing this, I finally understood.
‘He doesn’t like me. Much less love me.’
The reason he kissed me must have been the same as mine.
That’s what I concluded.
At least until he approached me closely and whispered to me with an expression like he might cry at any moment:
“You really don’t remember, do you?”
“……”
“About what happened at the beach.”
“…The beach?”
When was the last time I went to the beach? After pondering, I suddenly recalled two years ago.
Come to think of it, before divorcing Alex, Sherry had suggested going to the beach when I was ill with anger. We went on that trip, and I remember the trip being enjoyable.
But Duke Esteban didn’t exist anywhere in that trip.
Moreover, the previous time I went to the beach was when I was very young, so it made even less sense that the Duke fell for me at first sight then.
Then what on earth was the Duke talking about?
As questions flooded in, I couldn’t help but widen my eyes at the statement he made:
“Back then, two years ago, didn’t you save me when I was trying to die? Through that, we became friends, and you said…”
“……”
“…That you wished your husband was someone like me.”
At the Duke’s words, my vision blurred. I momentarily couldn’t breathe. I was so shocked that I forgot how to breathe for a moment.
His words were true.
When I went to the beach, I had saved a man who was trying to jump off a cliff.
❀❀❀
Two years ago, I visited the beach to alleviate the depression caused by my conflicts with Alex.
The area near the sea was filled with various palm trees and rare plants.
So during the day, I would play in the water, and at night, I would take walks along the beach.
That’s when I discovered the man.
Late afternoon, while taking a walk along the beach as usual.
While climbing a fairly high hill, I spotted a man. Seeing someone in a place with few people made me feel quite happy.
The man’s attire was splendid, and his standing posture embodied the archetype of nobility. The relaxed atmosphere of the resort gave me an inexplicable courage.
I did something I would never do normally. Before I knew it, I was approaching the man and speaking to him.
Translator
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bluemoon238
Well, if he came into her life more earlier then she likely would be leaning on him. Waiting until she was fed up with men and the system that restricts her to the extent she is and it is actually more strange for her to cave into temporary emotions. Even her financial situation and independence is uncertain so FL giving in just after having her life and future attacked isn’t it. Especially since she is portrayed as a strong-willed female.