What was most precious to me. I’d never thought about such a thing. I’d never deeply wished for or yearned for anything except following Mother’s will.

Then I looked at Mother, still sitting on the bed with unfocused eyes. I wanted to see a smile bloom on that face just once.

“If I read that book and understand the truth, can I become a powerful mage?”

[Of course.]

“Then will Mother smile at me?”

[She’ll smile more brightly than anyone, won’t she?]

Then there was nothing left to hesitate about. No matter what price I had to pay, I wanted to bring Mother what she desired. I wanted to become a moment of joy in Mother’s indelible sad memories.

“Then… I’ll give you what’s most precious to me.”

[Thank you. The despair you’re about to create looks quite delicious.]

In an instant, Chesi’s face twisted grotesquely. Its pupils split like a snake’s, and horns sprouted from its forehead. Sharp fangs grew densely—I could no longer call it a cat.

An unbearable stench hit my nose. At that moment, a black magic circle spread throughout the room. The book that had fallen on the floor fluttered and turned pages where no wind existed.

Then it stopped at a certain page. Words that hadn’t been there before were written there.

“Thus, despair is complete.”

“Despair is complete…?”

At that moment, Mother, who had been sitting blankly on the bed, jumped up. She looked at me with her head tilted crookedly. Unlike usual, the corners of her mouth were turned up brightly.

“You’ve finally awakened to the truth. Well done, Haliven.”

“M-Mother…?”

At that moment, the black magic circle spreading across the floor completed itself. Dark red smoke traveled around my body. It was an unpleasant sensation I’d never felt before.

I heard a crunching sound, like a swarm of insects with sharp teeth gnawing at every corner inside my body. Then Mother’s body in front of me began to blaze.

“Ahhh— Ahhhhhhh! Hahaha….”

The flames spread rapidly. A massive inferno swallowed Mother. Even within the blazing flames, Mother ran around the room, letting out bizarre laughter and screams.

“No, no! Mother…!”

I ran desperately, but no matter how much I ran, I couldn’t reach where Mother was. I wanted to call the servants outside, but like being submerged in water, no voice came out.

Strangely, Mother looked truly happy. Like she’d finally obtained what she desired. Like someone freed from this insufferable pain. Then she looked at me and smiled.

“Ah… ah, ah… no, please… it’s all my fault, this isn’t right. This shouldn’t be happening…!”

It was all a first. Mother calling my name. Mother smiling at me with such a bright face. Everything was both the first and last time.

The blazing flames soon spread to my heart as well. I was in such agony I couldn’t breathe. If someone carved up my heart with a knife, it would probably hurt like this. Tears flowed endlessly down my cheeks.

Chesi approached me. Watching me clutch my chest and sob convulsively, the creature raised the corners of its mouth gleefully.

[How does it feel to get what you wanted?]

Only then did I realize the identity of that familiar voice. That was the demon-like being that had conversed with Mother in the room. It whispered cunning words and manipulated people’s hearts.

“This isn’t what I wanted. Please give Mother back to me!”

I didn’t care what this being in front of me was. Demon or god, I wanted Mother back. I pleaded and pleaded again, hoping I could somehow undo the mistake I’d made.

[What you called Mother was an empty shell with its soul devoured. And once a soul departs, it can never return.]

I simply wanted to see Mother’s smiling face. Without Mother, becoming a powerful mage was nothing more than a meaningless dream.

“My chest hurts so much. I feel like I’m going to die, sob…. I really resent you…!”

[Poor Haliven. This time I’ll truly help you.]

“You think I’ll believe your words?”

[This is a deal with nothing bad about it. I’ll take your despair instead. If you do that, your heart won’t hurt.]

Could those words be true? 

It was a devilishly sweet whisper. Just moments ago, I’d been deceived by those words and ruined everything.

My heart hurt too much, like it was tearing apart, to refuse the offer. I didn’t have the confidence to live my whole life like this. Even knowing it was a foolish choice, I had no strength left to endure this situation.

“If I do that, it won’t hurt anymore?”

[Of course. But you must not escape from the despair I created. If you break the promise, you’ll suffer the agony of your heart burning up and eventually die.]

Giving away despair but not being allowed to escape despair. I didn’t understand what that meant. But wouldn’t anything be better than now? Just recalling Mother burning in the flames felt like a blade piercing my lungs.

“I’ll give you… my despair.”

[Good. As a sign of the promise, I’ll take your heart. Instead, a fake heart I made will take its place, so don’t be too surprised.]

With Chesi’s words, I felt pain like my heart was burning. Even this would be nothing compared to recalling Mother actually burning in the flames.

Fortunately, the agony was brief. Shortly after, a loud mechanical sound came from near my heart. Then, like a lie, my heart became calm. 

Even with a burned corpse before my eyes. Only a meaningless question remained in my head—why had I been crying? The smiling black cat had vanished at some point.

* * *

Not long after, Mother’s funeral took place. Father wanted to hold it quietly without informing people. There were almost no mourners. Only Father, Johnny’s mother, and Johnny.

‘Mother’s funeral….’

I wasn’t particularly sad. Just a calm thought passed through—that I’d had such a person. Rather, the one grieving most was Johnny beside me.

“Brotherrr, sob, sniff… what should I do? If I’d known, I would have picked lots of prettier flowers for her… I’ll stay by your side instead of your mother. You’re not alone, Brother.”

He mourned the dead mother and cried even more on my behalf since I couldn’t shed tears. I couldn’t understand Johnny’s behavior.

After that, everything in my life became dull and empty. I couldn’t feel anything called joy. It seemed like it wouldn’t particularly matter if I died like this. While I was slowly dying, doing nothing and eating nothing, someone came to find me.

It was Johnny. He suddenly got angry at me.

“Why are you doing this? You decided to become a powerful mage, Brother. You said you’d achieve great accomplishments like Mother said…!”

“Powerful mage? Great accomplishments…?”

Someone who had said such things briefly flashed through my mind. That I should become an unprecedentedly powerful mage, that I should become everyone’s aspiration.

But I couldn’t recall what expression that person had when looking at me. What voice they used to say such things. Only an empty void resembling unpleasantness filled that place instead.

But that alone was enough. That voice became my life’s purpose. I studied to obtain all the truths that existed in the world. However, just reading books had clear limitations.

‘Let’s go to the Academy. I’ll discover all truths there.’

Many learnings existed in the world that couldn’t be contained in books. Whatever they were, I absorbed them. People called me a more outstanding mage than anyone.

Among the gazes following me, there was admiration, but envy couldn’t be absent either. Among them, someone who particularly disliked me was Alfranz, the current Tower Master’s son.

“You know who I am, right? I’ve been hearing your name a lot lately.”

“Why should I care who you are?”

“What…?”

“Get lost and stop blocking the way.”

After that, childish harassment continued. Even dealing with it was bothersome. Rather than mixing words with someone like that, it was better to read one more book in that time. 

When I showed no reaction despite the persistent harassment, he threw even bigger tantrums.

‘Why is he acting like that? What meaning does that behavior have?’

After graduating from the Academy, I naturally headed to the Mage Tower. Youngest Archmage. 

People cheered and raved about me for that insignificant title. I found such attention uncomfortable and bothersome.

So at some point, I hid my face so people wouldn’t recognize me. Then I entered my secret workshop and didn’t come out. I became even more alone and isolated myself.

But even when I grasped the truths the world spoke of, something felt empty. The completely empty heart couldn’t be filled with anything. Sometimes such thoughts came to mind.

‘What am I living for?’

It wouldn’t be strange if I died right now. I even thought it might be better to just die. Whenever that happened, Johnny would come find me.

“Brother! You just did gloomy research in your workshop again, didn’t you? Stop doing that, will you? Get your hair cut, meet people. What good is being capable and competent? You’re not okay in any other way!”

In the past, he seemed to try coaxing and soothing me with nice words. Now, realizing those words didn’t work at all, he started spewing such harsh words.

“Why are you here again?”

Irritation naturally surged. Whenever Johnny visited, my quiet daily life became noisy. Yet I didn’t understand myself for not being able to turn him away every time.

“What do you mean why am I here again? Shouldn’t you be grateful that at least I come visit? Honestly, if it weren’t for me, you would’ve long since become a corpse reeking of mold, right? Be thankful when I come visit.”

I couldn’t really deny it. It had been a while since I left the Benzerdium family. Whenever Father and Johnny’s mother saw me, they hovered around with uncomfortable gazes. 

I guessed it was an emotion between pity and guilt. Just facing that exhausted me. So I bought a mansion in a quiet village with no people.

Though I called it home, I rarely stopped by. Since I spent most of my time researching in my secret workshop, there was no need to go. I looked at Johnny in front of me and let out a deep sigh.

“So what is it today? I have a lot to do, so speak quickly and get lost.”

“Brother, aren’t you even happy that I came after so long? Aren’t you curious about what I’ve been doing?”

I didn’t need to hear it. He always spouted nonsense about something called love.

“Brother, I’m saying. I wish everyone in the world could happily share love. That would make me truly happy!”

I thought Johnny was strange. What meaning did such an absurd, empty emotion have? Thinking about it was just unpleasant and irritating.

“Obvious. You made that toy thing again.”

“Right. Everyone else tells me to stop doing crazy things and get my head straight, but you cheered me on till the end, didn’t you, Brother?”

I never particularly did that. From life experience, if I didn’t listen to Johnny, he would follow me around and bother me until I did.