When I’d been tormented to the point of calluses forming on my ears, I’d locked him in closets or storage rooms. Then I’d get absorbed in research and forget about him, but from what I heard, he was later dramatically rescued by a servant.

Even after barely surviving the brink of death from near-starvation, Johnny would continue the conversation he hadn’t finished whenever he saw me. With a face that had turned pale and then parched white.

“Brother… so you remember what I said back then, right…? That Lady Susanna from the Academy classes is so pretty… how can I capture her heart… hmm…?”

That was the first time I felt something called fear toward a human. There was no way around it. Ignoring him only brought worse consequences. After that, quietly listening to whatever he said became routine.

“Are you listening to me, Brother?”

“Yeah, hurry up and talk.”

In my head, I continued research on the recovery potion that was nearly complete. Last time I injected poison into my left arm to induce necrosis. If the combination I recently found was correct, the skin would regenerate.

“Actually, the business I’m doing these days is going so well that I really wanted to tell you, Brother. Recently, I even won first place in the Strongest D*ldo Contest. Isn’t that amazing?”

“……”

“Mother and Father scolded me saying what kind of family disgrace is this. But you’re the only one who didn’t say anything, so you don’t know how grateful I was!”

This time I added blood from a plant-type monster called ‘Mentenpura’ that inhabits rifts where monsters live. I found direction when I coincidentally saw another monster heal its wounds after consuming Mentenpura. If I found the right ratio, I felt like I could find the answer soon. 

Johnny, who had been talking excitedly, suddenly hardened his face. Then he furrowed his brow deeply.

“You’re not concentrating on what I’m saying—what have you been thinking about this whole time?”

“Research on the recovery potion I’m developing recently.”

When I told the truth, his amber eyes turned cold. He let out a heavy sigh and continued with a noticeably dark expression.

“Brother, aren’t you happy when I have good news?”

“Why would that make me happy?”

“What?”

“What does it have to do with me?”

“…We’re family. So naturally….”

“The only thing important to me is the research I’m currently conducting. I don’t care what happens to anything else.”

Johnny’s eyes wavered. His face looked hurt by the unexpected words. He bit his lip hard and shouted at me.

“You’re really the worst, Brother! A person without emotions like you will never make a proper toy and will live alone your whole life like now and die without ever experiencing love!”

Johnny, who had been fuming, didn’t set foot in the workshop for a while. The surroundings that became quiet again were good for concentrating on research, but somehow a corner of my heart felt empty.

‘Love…?’

What exactly was it that made him cling to it so desperately? I couldn’t understand the love Johnny spoke of at all. No matter how much I tried to recall it, it felt uncomfortable, like thorns sprouting on the tip of my tongue.

“Toys? Can I understand something called love by making those?”

I vaguely recalled the toys Johnny used to make. They were trivial objects, so insignificant they couldn’t even join the ranks of research I’d done until now.

After that, whenever I had spare time, I tried making those toys. Generally speaking, the more powerful a magical tool was, the better. But every time, only poor responses came back.

“Why? What’s lacking?”

The first taste of failure was shocking. Unable to accept it, at some point I became even more obsessed.

After some time passed, Johnny stopped by the workshop again, acting like nothing had happened. Whenever he did, he would mock or provoke me while looking at the toys I made.

“Is that really the toy I know? No matter how I look at it, it seems like a murder weapon. You really… where are you using that good brain of yours?”

The more Johnny acted like that, the more stubborn I became. But from the start, having lost direction, the place I could reach wasn’t the destination. I just wandered endlessly somewhere unknown. Meaningless time just kept flowing like that.

Then one day. That day too, I was holed up in my secret workshop for toy research. Suddenly, powerful magic surged from somewhere. It was pure white, beautiful magic.

At that moment, the heart I thought had disappeared beat violently. And the emotions from the past I’d forgotten came flooding back.

“You’ve finally awakened to the truth. Well done, Haliven.”

“Mother…?”

“Ahhh— Ahhhhhhh! Hahaha….”

“No, no! Mother…!”

Mother dancing in the blazing flames, and my childhood self who could only watch helplessly, unable to do anything.

[How does it feel to get what you wanted?]

And Chesi, laughing gleefully while watching me. All those emotions swept through like a storm in an instant.

How could I have forgotten these memories until now? Could I have swallowed down the sadness and anger that seemed ready to burst at any moment? A hot heart was beating in my chest, not an empty void.

But the suddenly appeared anger and sadness might disappear again at any time. I had to grasp these emotions as quickly as possible while they remained. I immediately ran to the Mage Tower.

“I’m going to take on a disciple.”

“A disciple? You, Haliven? Just name which family’s young master and I’ll bring them all!”

“You must have felt the surging magic recently. I’ll take that mage as my disciple.”

The family heads’ faces hardened instantly. They pressed their eyes shut tiredly. Soon, a voice full of displeasure followed.

“A Nullification mage? Why would we need such a useless lot that nullifies our magic? Besides, they’re a commoner who never even attended the Academy.”

“I don’t care about any of that.”

“Anyway, I’m opposed. The other family heads will be too.”

The other family heads nodded as though they shared the same opinion. These old folks who secured positions with only their family names and no ability always had a lot to say.

“Then it’s simple. I’ll leave the Mage Tower.”

“Now wait, you…! I always thought you were willful, but this isn’t right!”

In the end, the Mage Tower’s family heads compromised and allowed me to take on a commoner disciple who hadn’t even graduated from the Academy. But the disciple I saw in person was quite dangerous.

“H-hello, Master…! I’m Luina Arizne. I look forward to working with you!”

She had sparkling emerald eyes, abundant brown hair, and a rosy blush on her face. Even her bowing greeting showed much nervousness.

Until then, I had overlooked one thing. If she was an existence that could temporarily neutralize Chesi’s powerful force, she would also be a threat to me with the fake heart he created.

Just her approaching made the mechanical heart in my chest make strange sounds—screech, screech. I felt nauseous. My head spun. My chest burned hot.

But what concerned me more were those emerald eyes directed straight at me. They held an even brighter light than Johnny’s. Like I was a human who shouldn’t covet them.

“…Irritating.”

Realizing that fact, I hurriedly left. Instinctive fear ate away at my heart. A way to catch Chesi, revenge for Mother—as long as everything was under his influence, it was all impossible.

Helplessness consumed my entire body. Even that didn’t last long before the anger and sadness subsided like nothing had happened. Like that, I became alone again. 

Not even knowing why I was obsessed with such things, I just devoted myself to making toys.

‘An unprecedentedly powerful mage… great achievements that will change the world… I have to make them. And I have to succeed. Because someone wished for it….’

What broke the long silence was a sudden intruder. Besides Johnny and me, no one was permitted to enter the space I created. The moment an outsider entered, I could feel the foreign presence.

“What?”

There was some unfamiliar woman there. When I appeared from behind, she screamed and collapsed on the floor. Then she looked at me with a terrified face.

“Wh-who are you…?”

Shouldn’t I be the one saying that? I was the owner of this space and she was the intruder.

“What about you?”

“Wow, you’re really handsome….”

But the unidentified intruder spouted nonsense. Now that I looked, her outfit was ridiculous too. 

Her ample chest was barely covered with a palm-sized covering, and she wore a semi-transparent apron over it.

Her face flushed red, seemingly realizing her appearance belatedly. Then she continued with shabby excuses.

“This is, well… I’m not usually like this… I didn’t mean to do this. Ah, I mean. I borrowed this apron for a moment because I could see it….”

The appearance was somehow familiar, and now that I looked, that apron was what Johnny had brought. He said he’d give me a gift that might inspire me, telling me to work harder, then left that kind of thing behind.

This intruder was not only rude but also had sticky fingers. It was beneficial to quickly remove such annoying types from sight. If I left her alone, she’d only interfere with research.

“Get out of my workshop right now.”

Just as I was about to form a magic circle to kick her out, unexpected words reached my ears.

“M-Master…?”

“…Master?”

Something tried to surface from hazy memories. Suddenly, the area around my heart throbbed like someone was squeezing it with their hand. A loud mechanical noise rang out.

Screech, screech, screeeech—.

My stomach churned. Unfamiliar people’s voices crossed through my head. Blazing flames and a child’s anguished crying flowed in. And there was a black cat smiling at me.

Everything made my head spin, seeming about to surface but not quite. It wasn’t the pain I knew. It was a new agony that overturned everything.

Strangely, fear came first. The crying child’s voice pleaded with me. That I could just forget everything and go on like I had until now. That everything would become comfortable then.

All these abnormal symptoms occurred after that intruder appeared. If only she disappeared, deathly silence would return. Just as I was about to remove the woman from sight, a desperate cry reached me.

“I’m Luina Arizne! Your one and only disciple!”

“…My disciple?”

Only then did forgotten memories surface. A Nullification mage who could neutralize Chesi’s influence. Luina Arizne. The sparkling emerald eyes felt somehow familiar.

“Ah, there was something like that.”

But even so, nothing changed. Perhaps these were memories better left unremembered. Anyway, I’d just be trapped in helpless despair, unable to do anything, drowning only in sadness and anger.

In that case, it might be better to forget everything and live on like I had until now. Running away and running away again to become alone once more.

“Finding this place was unexpected. But I’d like you to leave now.”

“Already… you want me to go? I haven’t even said what I need to properly yet?”

The woman claiming to be my disciple explained something earnestly, appealing her situation. If Johnny had seen it, he might have shed tears of pity. But what did that have to do with me?

“Is that all?”

“Yes? W-well, yes….”

“I listened, so now get lost.”

I’d wasted too much meaningless time after all. Even dealing with Johnny was precious time. Then the woman’s last struggle began. Trapped in the magic circle, she screamed at the top of her lungs.

“You irresponsible master! You incompetent pervert who can’t even make one proper toy! Someone like you will never make a proper toy your whole life! You might as well become impotent!”