***

Experiencing something for the first time doesn’t mean your life will change overnight.

If that were true, I would have been reborn countless times by now!

Take the time I was trapped in a room in the slums, for example, when I nearly suffocated from gas.

Or when my mother died and I was left to fend for myself.

Or when I was sold to the slave market because of my stepfather’s debts.

At least three times, I should have become someone new.

Yet I hadn’t changed at all.

“What are you standing there for?”

The old radio crackled to life.

Kim Yong-beom, who had been adjusting it since the morning, looked up at me.

I didn’t look away.

For some reason, I just wanted to see him.

He stood up and brushed past me.

“Don’t touch it. That’s all it picks up.”

I turned slightly to watch his back.

I remembered that broad back I had held onto, covered in sweat and slipping beneath my hands.

Even now, I could relive that night if I closed my eyes.

The memory of his touch was still vivid.

A faint warmth stirred in my stomach — something deeper and more unfamiliar.

Memories kept returning: the moment our bare bodies tangled; the dizzying sensation of being lifted high, only to fall again.

They played in my mind again and again.

I felt as though I had become a different person, yet I couldn’t stop replaying that night in my mind.

But what about Kim Yong-beom?

Even after everything that had happened between us, nothing seemed to have changed when we woke up.

He still brought me food, set the table, asked if I was cold, heated water for me to wash with, and fixed the radio. Yet he never once spoke about that night.

Nor did I.

Instead, I kept wondering what Kim Yong-beom meant to me.

I had never spent so long thinking about someone like this.

We had come so far together, doing things we had never done before.

Yesterday had been like that, too.

Neither of us felt like we were about to become the kind of people who couldn’t live without each other or confess our love.

It felt like we didn’t need to.

“Kim Yong-beom.”

“What.”

“Can I… hug you?”

I wrapped my arms around him.

Standing on my toes, I looped my arms over his shoulders and held him tightly, pressing our chests together.

Just as I thought.

It felt good.

Although we had held hands while running and I had clung to his back, as well as sharing a room, this felt different.

My chest felt warm.

And somehow, it also ached.

I breathed in his scent and wondered which of my scents would linger on him in return.

“You don’t have to ask every time.”

He wrapped his hand around my waist.

He gently rubbed my back and held on until I loosened my grip first.

How could I even begin to describe this feeling?

What would Poet say in a moment like this?

If I were to write about it, which words would I use?

“It’s strange.”

“What is?”

“The world hasn’t split in two or anything… but it’s different from before.”

You’re not family.
Not a friend.
Not a lover.

“Kim Yong-beom.”

You’re just Kim Yong-beom.

There was no need to define you with anything else.

The poet once said—

There’s no need to dress up what truly matters with words.

“Why.”

“I just felt like calling your name.”

Waking up beside Kim Yong-beom.

Eating meals he has prepared.

We listen to the radio together.

I waited for him when he went out to sea.

While he searched the forest for food, I gathered kindling.

I kissed him.

We shared each other’s breath.

I fell asleep in his arms.

Days like that — ordinary and quiet — kept passing by.

I had never experienced anything like it before, nor had I ever wished for it.

But now I understood.

This moment — right now — was the most complete peace I had ever known.

***

Today, I followed Kim Yong-beom out to the sea.

“It’s cold. Why come out here?”

“Because I want to be with you.”

He stopped and looked at me.

With the sun behind him, I couldn’t see his face.

“What about you?”

“….”

‘Me too. I want to be with you, Chun-hee.’

It would have been nice if he had said that, but either way, I wasn’t expecting an answer.

In any case, Kim Yong-beom never objected to anything I wanted to do.

So we went out to sea together.

Despite the cold, he was good at finding food.

Even on rough days, he would dive in and come back with something.

At first, I used to worry — what if he didn’t come back?

But once I realized that he would never do anything reckless and abandon me, I began to feel a little more at ease.

We split a large oil drum in half, lit a fire inside it with small branches and grilled the abalone and shellfish that he had gathered. We placed a metal plate on top to cook the food.

Sometimes there were even shrimp.

These were things that I might never have tasted in my life before, but here I ate them until I grew tired of them.

“If you opened a restaurant later, you’d probably do really well. You cook, I serve the customers—we’d make a fortune.”

“Go wash up. The water should be ready.”

He changed the subject again.

When he nudged me towards the bathroom and told me to go in first while he cleaned up, I refused to be pushed away.

It was always like that.

He said that having me pacing around in front of him was a hassle, so he wouldn’t let me help clean up at all.

All I could do was stand there and watch.

“I’ll just watch you clean.”

“What is there to watch every time?”

“I’m watching your back.”

Just looking at Kim Yong-beom’s broad back as he washed the dishes was enough to keep me from getting bored.

As I watched him finish and stretch his long arms to put things away in the cupboard, something from the past came to mind.

“Remember when you put your cigarettes up in the cupboard so I couldn’t reach them? I told you back then—you’ve got nothing going for you except being tall.”

Kim Yong-beom stopped moving.

“I take that back.”

“….”

“You’ve got more than just your height. I’ve seen it all.”

A quiet chuckle slipped out.

“Thanks for noticing.”

He kept his back turned, but I could tell that he was embarrassed.

I felt just as embarrassed for saying it without thinking.

We lay side by side on the joined sofas, facing each other, and fell asleep.

Sometimes it all felt like a dream — so much so that it frightened me.

What if I had never truly escaped the Mia Market, and this was just a dream that I was clinging to?

But when I opened my eyes, you were there.

I could hear the waves.

If that wasn’t enough to calm me down, I would quietly slip into your arms and listen to your heartbeat.

‘I’m still here on the island. Kim Yong-beom is here with me. This is real.’

That’s how I reassured myself.

“Did you wake up because you’re cold?”

“No.”

“Then… did you have a bad dream?”

“No.”

I woke him up with the slightest movement.

Even when he was stabbed in Seoul and had to flee for his life, Kim Yong-beom never displayed any fear in my presence.

I didn’t want to bother him over something as insignificant as this.

Instead, I just looked at him.

That was enough.

“It’s snowing outside.”

Still meeting my eyes, Kim Yong-beom said it suddenly.

But with his back to the window, there was no way he could see it.

“How do you know?”

“When it snows, the sound of the waves gets quieter.”

“Really? You’re not messing with me?”

“Want to go check?”

We went out to sea.

It was snowing heavily.

The ocean was quieter than usual, just as he had said it would be, and still dark before dawn.

We walked along the snow-covered beach, waiting for the sun to rise.

Instead of a red glow appearing on the horizon, the sky gradually brightened to a dull grey.

Even so, being there with Kim Yong-beom was enough.

“We could just live here.”

“….”

“You could gather abalone and seaweed like now, and we’d cook and eat like this. At night, we could go for walks, talk while listening to the radio, play cards when we’re bored. Ah—and when summer comes, you can teach me how to swim.”

“….”

“We wouldn’t need money here. We wouldn’t have to work ourselves to death just to be exploited. There would be no debts, no interest, and nothing to repay. If we just stay hidden like this, it feels like no one would ever find us. Right?”

It’s just like when I suggested we go back to Seoul and open a place together — he didn’t answer.

Now, when I said we could stay here and live like this, he still didn’t answer.

I tightened my grip around his hand.

“Kim Yong-beom.”

“….”

“We will, right?”

His silence pierced me like a needle.

“No. Chun-hee.”

I couldn’t breathe.

“…We can’t. I can’t stay here with you.”

His words shattered me.

The pain was so intense that it felt as if my whole body was falling apart, and it was worse than the ache of his silence.

I shouldn’t have woken up.

I should have stayed in that dream.

Even if it meant being trapped in Mia Market again.

Even if it hurt… I should have stayed there.

Kim Yong-beom, if it meant that I could stay here with you forever, I would live in that dream for days, for weeks.

Did you know that?