Chapter 122

I was stunned by the unexpected point.

Roche, who had lost his memory, was of course to be excluded from the operation, which I had thought was obvious, but the king’s indication was natural yet unfamiliar to me.

While I remained silent, the king’s words continued.

“If you’re not careful, it may even look like Arlo Kingdom is interfering in the internal affairs of the Duchy of Rohitham.”

That’s right, if there is no expl＊cit request for cooperation from the Duke…

But I couldn’t just retreat here.

“Your Majesty, the Duke of Rohitham has reasons why he cannot move directly. Once we bring in Rudolf and the Duke regains his position, we can then proceed officially…”

It wasn’t a lie, either.

I had decided to do it that way from the moment I first met Chris and his party.

It might be difficult to strike at the heart of the Red Crow right away, so I’ll deal with the underling Rudolf first.

First, I’ll get Roche back to the Grand Duchy, and then I’ll devise a strategy to deal with the Red Crow as well.

That was the route I had planned to take.

But the king just shook his head.

“I understand the Duke cannot come out in person. However, without even a letter from the Duke, there is no evidence to confirm that Countess Balthus’ words are the Duke’s will.”

“His will is obvious, isn’t it? It’s the Grand Duchy he was unjustly usurped from. He must surely want to reclaim it.”

“I thought Countess Balthus would understand what I’m saying.”

I bit my lip.

The king’s words, in other words…

He cannot trust me myself.

Unless it is confirmed that what I say is truly the will of the Duke, the party, Arlo Kingdom will not move.

Even if it’s a very simple request to “invite Rudolf to Arlo Kingdom and stage a play.”

What if I’m the one plotting the scheme?

The claim of the Duke’s will may be an excuse, and I may be hatching a scheme to swallow up the Duchy of Rohitham.

Then the kingdom in the middle would be in serious trouble.

Of course, the king must know that my intentions are not so malicious.

However, he cannot take the risk based solely on my words.

Since the fault on this side could lead to an international dispute,

‘Without the expl＊cit request of the party…’

I couldn’t refute the words “interfering in internal affairs.”

I admitted it cleanly.

Not only my intentions are important in the way the world works,

How the third party who is asked for help interprets the situation is also important.

“…I understand.”

The king’s words, theoretically, are correct.

That’s why I couldn’t insist anymore.

But I felt complicated inside.

Roche, who has lost his memory.

He may be safe for now, but his range of actions has been considerably limited.

Since I’m still representing him.

But what about a situation like this, where the Duke himself must act to gain his trust?

I fell into deep contemplation.

* * *On the way home with Roche that day,

I watched his face for a long time.

Roche had forgotten where he came from and was only looking at me.

Until now, I’ve taken it for granted that I would take on the Duke’s duties in his place because he was in such a dangerous situation and needed protection.

But after being rejected by the king’s support, a different perspective has opened up.

‘Roche’s will.’

That’s also a very important element.

I have isolated him in order to protect him.

Without any explanation.

Anxiously, in case he would be harmed if his memory returned.

What are the results?

Am I faithfully accomplishing the purpose?

Does this kind of protection have any meaning?

‘Wasn’t I seeing Roche as too weak?’

Roche might have been aware that he could not handle this situation alone.

I consciously erased the image of Roche from my mind—that of a gentle and pure person who only looks at me like a puppy.

And in his place, there remained the Duke with outstanding martial arts skills who loved his country and his father.

I felt that he had the ability to overcome the unfortunate fate that had befallen him.

I quietly reached out my hand.

Roche soon leaned his cheek gently into the palm of my hand.

While savoring the warmth conveyed softly in my palm, I continued to ponder.

‘This is your place. Your future.’

But now I’m moving, representing you with full authority.

Just guessing what you would do.

This may be completely unreasonable.

Maybe even if you get into danger, it would be right for you to take responsibility for the consequences.

I smiled bitterly.

“Haven’t I been making myself incomprehensible to you?”

And I casually asked Roche a question.

The eyelashes of the quietly closed-eyed Roche moved.

He looked at me brightly, as usual.

“Yes, you were.”

It was a strange feeling.

In that one sentence, somehow, the lump in my chest melted away smoothly.

The something that had plummeted when Roche gave me a false smile had all disappeared.

This is what I had hoped for.

Your honesty with me…

I thought it might get complicated if he answered me honestly.

But when we collided head-on, it was completely different.

Instead, I felt more at ease.

“You pushed me away, you made secrets, and it was actually painful.”

Roche’s words did not seem unjust.

Because I fully understood that it could appear that way.

“I did. I’m sorry.”

I admitted it straightforwardly.

At that moment, a slight smile formed at the corners of Roche’s eyes.

It was completely different from the fabricated smile I had seen before.

Silence prevailed in the carriage.

But it was a much more gentle silence than before.

“Come and sit next to me.”

I called Roche while placing my bag on my lap.

He obediently sat down next to me,

I slowly let my head fall onto his shoulder.

Roche fully accepted my weight.

With my eyes closed, I quietly interlaced my fingers with his.

The warm breath lightly tickled my forehead.

Just a few words of conversation erased the subtle cracks that had been occurring.

But if left unattended, the gap will reopen again.

“I didn’t push you away because I disliked you. I wanted to protect you. You’ve lost your memory, haven’t you?”

“Am I in a dangerous situation?”

“A little.”

Roche kissed my hair, as if reassuring me that he was fine.

No, it’s you who is in danger, but you’re trying to comfort me.

I closed my eyes, furrowed my brow and smiled.

“When you regain your memory, the enemy will be able to recognize you. That’s why I’ve been handling your affairs on my own up until now.”

“I see.”

Roche tightly gripped my hand.

“You must have had a hard time.”

“… It’s not about you being a burden.”

It’s not your fault.

“Countess, this is my affair, but you’ve been shouldering it alone. It pains me.”

“I didn’t say it to make you feel pained.”

“Countess, I…”

I gently pushed Roche away.

He looked at me with a confused expression.

“You’re the only one I have, so it’s only natural.”

The sweet words suddenly hurt my heart.

A very different melancholy came over me compared to how I had been treating him so far.

“Roche… no, it’s not that I’m the only one you have…”

“…”

“Have you been talking a lot with Ernst? How much of your memory has returned?”

“Very vaguely. I was running away from something…”

I had expected as much.

Roche’s eyes still had a bluish-green hue.

He was still wandering in a maze. But if I only give him a slight shock here, just like that time in the Marquisate, he will regain everything.

That late summer, when I first learned that he was the Duke.

At first, I was flustered, and then I made Roche forget his memories again by giving him a drug.

I’m only now realizing my own cowardice.

‘As long as you remain without your memories, you’ll continue to be my Roche.’

That’s why I’ve been continuously postponing the day when I would help you regain your memory, under the pretext of finishing all the preparations.

The day when I would return you to Rohitham.

While taking on your role myself, keeping you captive in my embrace.

As my adorably devoted bodyguard who only looks at me…

That won’t do.

I recalled the day of the Cordelia audition.

Telling Roche to choose whether to follow Serwen or not was an irrational impulse.

But now, unlike then, my mind is clear.

I felt everything becoming clearer.

I have to give you the right to choose.

I released the hand I had been tightly holding.

Roche looked down at his freed hand with a perplexed expression.

“Roche, I have a question to ask you.”

“Yes.”

“Will you take the risk and regain your memory to grasp the truth? Or would you like to remain as my Roche, safe as you are now…”

As I said that, I suddenly let out a hollow laugh.

An old classic movie had suddenly come to mind.

I felt like I should be wearing sunglasses.

“Whatever you choose, I’ll follow.”

With that, I held out the red and blue pills to Roche.

Roche looked at me intently.

I didn’t hide the anxiety and fear that I couldn’t quite pinpoint the cause of as I looked back at him.

“I want to regain my memories.”

Roche, like the protagonist of that movie, chose the red pill.

“Since it’s my affair, I think I should know the truth.”