On the day the crimson tide swept across my homeland, my once peaceful life was shattered beyond repair.

The fact that the world had changed was my greatest misfortune.

I was born the daughter of a provincial landowner and raised in comfort and ease. But after the revolution, the federal government stripped us of everything. Our wealth was confiscated and my father was purged for nothing more than his noble birth. My brothers narrowly escaped execution, only to be sent to political prison camps. My mother and I were forced to travel east and ended up in a bleak industrial city.

When the unrelenting hardships finally claimed my mother’s strength, I was only fifteen.

The noble blood that had once protected me had become a curse, an obstacle to survival. Just as the three-storey stone mansion of my childhood had become a government office, so too had the blood in my veins decayed into something despised and unwanted.

So I let go of lost glory and hollow laments. Instead, I learned a trade and became a mechanic. But I didn’t do it alone. I had managed to rise from despair and find work thanks to Archum. Meeting him was the one stroke of good fortune in an otherwise ruined life.

✹✹ ✹✹ ✹✹ ✹✹ ✹✹

Shortly after my mother died, I had fallen into utter despair.

I wandered the freezing, wintry streets, crying uncontrollably. Without her, I had no hope left.

I hadn’t eaten or drunk anything for days and was extremely tired. Curled up at the entrance to an alleyway, I sobbed, thinking that perhaps it would be better if I simply died there.

The cold was merciless, and the rain poured down relentlessly. Yet I couldn’t bring myself to go home. I couldn’t face the emptiness of a house without her.

“Get up!”

A voice called to me. I lifted my head with difficulty to see a man. His face was hidden beneath a black umbrella.

“You can’t stay here like this!!”

He shook me again, urging me to rise. Irritated, I tried to push him away.

“Go home. Quickly.”

“Uhh…”

“Where do you live? I’ll take you there. If you stay here, you’ll freeze to death.”

“Mind your own business! Stop being such a nuisance and get lost!’

I lashed out as harshly as possible. It wasn’t so much his interference that annoyed me, but rather the fact that a stranger was lingering too close, which frightened me.

“Then at least come to my place.”

The man forced me to my feet. My legs gave way and I staggered, but he caught me firmly and held me up. I shook him off with all my strength, snapping coldly.

“I don’t need help from a man whose name I don’t even know.”

“Archum Aslankovsky. And you?”

I swallowed hard, hesitating.

“Svyeta.”

Reluctantly, I gave him my name, and Archum broke into a bright smile.

“Svyeta. Now that we’ve exchanged names, it’s fine for you to accept my help, isn’t it? Where’s your home?”

Archum looked down at me gently and asked me something. In that moment, our eyes met. Despite the bleak, overcast day, his eyes gleamed vividly. I thought they were as beautiful as the midnight sea.

From that day on, I came to rely on Archum’s help time and again. His father had been a high-ranking official at Siyaniye, a company that produced tanks during the war. Siyaniye was primarily an automobile manufacturer with an attached repair shop called Roza. Archum pulled some strings to get me a job there.

Without his help, I would have been cast onto the streets, with no choice but to sell myself. So it was inevitable that I would fall in love with him.

✹✹ ✹✹ ✹✹ ✹✹ ✹✹

I carried a one-sided love for someone who never loved me back from the age of fifteen until I was twenty.

That winter was especially brutal. The temperature plunged below minus thirty, and fierce blizzards swept in whenever they pleased.

My apartment had central heating, but the superintendent rarely bothered to turn it on. I was sure that he was embezzling the heating fees.

The cold was unbearable, so I buried myself deep beneath the blankets. Suddenly, the doorbell rang, making me jump to my feet. There was only one person who ever came to visit me: Archum Aslankovsky.

I rushed to the mirror. What I saw was a complete mess. My hair was beyond salvaging, so I frantically brushed it and threw a shawl over my pyjamas before hurrying to the door. Out of breath, I opened the door for him.

“Archum!”

I welcomed Archum warmly into my home.

“It’s been a while. How have you been?”

“And you?”

“Getting by.”

Archum settled onto the old, rose-patterned sofa. I wanted him to stay in my shabby apartment for as long as possible. Through the frost-covered window, I could see a fierce blizzard raging outside. He would have no choice but to stay with me until it passed. For once, I silently thanked God.

“The weather’s awful. Wasn’t it hard coming here?”

“This isn’t the first storm I’ve seen.”

“That’s true… I’ll light the samovar. It’s cold—will you have some tea?”

“Thank you, but I’ll pass. I’ve already had three cups of black tea today.”

“Then perhaps I’ll bring out something to snack on?”

The only thing I had left at home was an old strawberry pie. I had saved it, refusing to touch it, while waiting for Archum.

“It’s fine, Svyeta. But… could you pour me a glass of liquor instead?”

“Liquor?”

I was a little surprised. This was the first time he had ever asked for alcohol.

“I’m afraid all I have is cheap vodka. It may not suit your taste.”

“That’s fine. As long as it gets me drunk, that’s enough.”

“Then please wait a moment. I’ll see if I can find something to go with it.”

The stains on the floral wallpaper that I hadn’t managed to scrub away were at the back of my mind. From where he was sitting, he could definitely see them. No matter how hard I cleaned, the apartment always looked shabby. The air was always damp, and mould had taken hold in the corners. I couldn’t help but think how ill-suited this place was for him.

I rummaged through the cupboard for something to serve with the vodka and finally found a piece of salo that had almost expired. It was pitiful to offer food like this to a man I liked.

I sliced it thinly and arranged it neatly on a clean plate. At least that made it look presentable, almost appetising. When I put it in front of him, Archum thanked me kindly.

“I’m sorry. Between shifts at the repair shop, I don’t keep much to serve guests.”

“It’s fine. This is more than enough.”

“It’s so old… it might be spoiled.”

“No. It tastes quite good.”

“Really?”

I picked up a piece of salo and took a bite. The salted pork fat was savory and salty. I couldn’t say it was delicious, but at least it wasn’t spoiled. Well… with weather this cold, how could food even go bad?

“Svyeta, what about the glasses?”

“Oh, right! I forgot. I’ll get them.”

From the cupboard, I pulled out only one glass. When I set down just a single cup, Archum gave me a curious look.

“You’re not drinking?”

“No.”

“Since when?”

I let out a sigh deep enough to sink the floor.

“I’m on the wagon. Not long ago, I had the worst hangover of my life. Now, the mere smell of alcohol turns my stomach.”

“Good. That’s a wise choice. Best to quit if you can.”

As I sat opposite him, I suddenly became aware of how I looked. I had thrown a worn shawl over my nightgown, revealing the line of my chest. To be honest, I couldn’t claim that my intentions were entirely pure. Now, however, I worried that I looked far too cheap. Had I not shed that old noble stiffness yet?

“By the way, what brings you here? You haven’t been around lately.”

“I was worried about how you were doing.”

“You don’t need to worry. Thanks to you, I’m always doing just fine.”

Although my heart was beating wildly in my chest, I answered calmly. Ultimately, I couldn’t hide my flutter, and a smile crept onto my face. He always worried about me like this and looked after me constantly. He was such a warm and good man.

“By the way, is the food rationing going badly these days?”

“No, they still distribute food fairly well.”

“Then why is there nothing to eat in this house?”

“I’m not good at cooking, so I swapped my rations with the lady next door.”

“If I’d known, I would’ve taken you out to a restaurant instead.”

“Doesn’t the salo suit your taste?”

“It’s not that. It just seems like you’re not eating properly…”

As he filled his glass with the bootleg vodka, something about him looked uncharacteristically gloomy. The way he drank one glass after another—it wasn’t like him at all.

“Svyeta”

“Yes?”

“I’m getting married.”

My heart sank. It shouldn’t have startled me so deeply, and yet it felt as if my chest might give way. I had always known that Archum and I could never have a future. How could the daughter of a man condemned by the state ever belong with the son of a high-ranking official?

And still—this was too abrupt, too cruel. Like a death sentence delivered without even a moment to steel myself.

“I’m sorry, Svyeta. I don’t think I can see you anymore.”

Wretched as I was, I crumbled without resistance. The sobs I had struggled to contain spilled past my lips, shuddering between my teeth.

Thus ended my first love—in utter ruin.