[But now I know I was wrong. I only ran away. I told myself it was for your sake, but in truth, it was because I was afraid.]

She put the carefully written letter in an envelope. After writing his address and affixing a stamp, she could not bring herself to post it.

Instead, she wandered through the park near her apartment. She had long since forgotten the doctor’s warning to avoid the cold. The park, blanketed in ice, was breathtaking — like a snowy kingdom from a fairy tale. It was a magical realm that made her forget reality.

Standing and looking out over the snowy forest, she felt strangely at peace. Despite being unwell and frail, she went there every day.

✹✹ ✹✹ ✹✹ ✹✹ ✹✹

Svyeta climbed the stairs with great difficulty. Her body had become so weak that reaching the fourth floor was an ordeal. When she finally reached it, her eyes met Jurgen’s.

Out of breath from the climb, she looked up at him. It was really him.

“Jurgen…”

‘It was you.’

Tears welled in her eyes. She had wanted only to see him once more before she died, and now—he had come.

At first, all she felt was joy. She had thought she would never see him again, and yet here he was. But then, dread suddenly rushed in.

She stepped back in alarm.

Nothing has happened to the children, has it? He wouldn’t have come because something happened to them? Especially now, when news of them had stopped reaching her, worry crashed over her like a wave.

“Why are you here so suddenly? Nothing’s happened to the children, has it?”

She pressed back her tears as she asked desperately. She had believed they were well—that by now they would have forgotten her, that they would no longer be hurting.

But he looked just as worn as she felt. His face was sharper, darker, more shadowed than before.

It didn’t seem he had come because of the children. Perhaps, as before, he had come only to pour out resentment.

‘Jurgen… you still hate me, don’t you.’

Her strength gave out, and she nearly sank to the ground.

“Why come without a word? Go back. I don’t want to see your face.”

Tears traced their way down his cheeks. She didn’t know why he was crying. She hadn’t realised how gaunt and sickly she had become, and that it was too much for him to bear.

Seeing him cry made her feel unbearably sad, though.

He pulled her into his arms, and she fell weakly into them. Her whole body shook as she broke down in sobs.

She had already given up on everything. At last, she had found a kind of peace. And yet here he was again, disturbing her peace and shaking her to her very core.

“Why—why did you come? I was finally starting to forget, and now… why?”

She struck him with all the strength she had. He only held her tighter. He did not let go. He had come resolved never to let her slip away again, and so he would not.

✹✹ ✹✹ ✹✹ ✹✹ ✹✹

Jürgen had a domineering side. At least, that’s how Svyeta felt.

He entered her apartment without warning or giving her time to protest, and she couldn’t make him leave. She stood there, frozen, glaring at him.

He was even more selfish than she was. He wanted everything his way. Sometimes he even threw tantrums like a child.

“Get treatment.”

Svyeta thought that she had forgotten how to deal with him. There were so many things she wanted to say, but they all escaped her as he jumped straight to the point.

“I’ll handle it myself.”

Her reply was cold.

“You haven’t even tried to get the medicine.”

The reproach in his voice stung her.

“Will the world collapse if you accept a little of my help? Just treatment. All I ask is that you be treated properly.”

His hand cupped her cheek as he whispered, desperate.

“You’re afraid too, aren’t you?”

Svyeta clenched her teeth. It was true. Just as he said—she was afraid. Of being sick. Of dying.

No, it wasn’t fear. It was weariness. She was tired of cowering and clinging on to life. But she didn’t want his help. She wasn’t brave enough for that.

While her attention wavered for a moment, he lifted her into his arms and laid her down on the bed. The rickety bed was absurdly small, even for her slender frame.

“Rest for now. Tomorrow morning, you’re coming back with me to Hildenbech.”

He said it like an order. He hadn’t changed at all. For a fleeting moment earlier, she had thought he seemed gentler, softened. But no—he was just as domineering, just as willful as ever.

“No.”

Irritation flared.

“I said no!”

Svyeta let out a sharp cry. But, as always, he paid her no heed. He took possession of the narrow bed and pulled her into his embrace. He held her captive, pinning her against him with his arms and legs.

She was too stunned to be angry. Like a butterfly pinned alive with a pin, she struggled feebly before finally drifting off to sleep.

When she opened her eyes again, she was on a train. At first, she thought it must be a dream. Jürgen’s sudden appearance had shaken her so much that she assumed it was a nightmare. But the train continued to jolt steadily on, and her consciousness grew sharper.

“W–where are we?”

Her voice stumbled over itself in shock. He must have gone mad. After all these years, it still wasn’t enough for him — he wanted to control her for all the years to come.

She broke into a fierce quarrel with him.

“You wanted me dead! You tried to kill me. Now that you’ve got your wish, shouldn’t you be happy?”

The blood drained from his face at her words. Svyeta could not continue.

✹✹ ✹✹ ✹✹ ✹✹ ✹✹

After quarrelling with him several times, Svyeta finally opted for silence. She was exhausted and worn out from years of unrest. Numb with fatigue, she slept almost the entire journey.

By the time she woke up, they had arrived in Rotwald.

The first thing he did after dragging her back to his side was to take her to hospital. The doctor examined her lungs with an X-ray machine and sighed. She had only come to him once her lungs were already ruined.

Svyeta’s shoulders curled inward. Although she had steeled herself for death, hearing that one of her organs had been destroyed frightened her nonetheless. It had been getting harder and harder to breathe lately, and now she knew it was because her lungs were failing.

At that moment, Jurgen clasped her hand. His hand was trembling too.

Blankly, she looked at the side of his face. His eyes were rimmed red, as if he were the one about to cry. It felt as though the death sentence had been given not to her, but to him.

“I’m fine.”

She murmured softly. She was the one who ought to be comforted, yet for some reason, she felt she needed to comfort him.

“You… why…”

Jurgen began to scold her, but then stopped. Instead, he carefully drew her into his arms.

“Thank you for coming before it was too late. You’ll be all right. Don’t be afraid.”

She frowned.

‘I didn’t come—I was dragged here.’

The doctor insisted that she be admitted to hospital immediately, so she found herself confined to a hospital room with no opportunity to resist. Having been weakened by her long illness, she didn’t have the strength to fight back anyway.

“They say you need to gain some weight before treatment can even begin. How long are you going to keep being stubborn like a child?”

She shut her eyes and feigned sleep. Everything was bothersome—the food, Jurgen, all of it.

“Eat something before you sleep.”

She wondered when he would finally stop nagging her. His nagging only stopped once she had forced down spoonful after spoonful of soup.

She knew he was trying. She knew he was worried that something might happen to her and that he was watching over her day and night without rest. But she was far too exhausted to acknowledge his sincerity.

‘He never tires, does he. He never wears out.’

She found it truly strange. By now, he should have collapsed from exhaustion. Yet he was clinging on desperately, doing everything he could to keep her alive.

She had been ready to die. She had longed for peace. And once again, he had ruined it. This rekindled a sudden blaze of resentment towards him.

“What I really can’t bear is this: I want to kill you, yet I also feel sorry for you, so I can’t do anything.” Just as you wanted, I’ve come to understand you. I’ve become like you. You’ve dragged me into your hell, and now you’re forcing me to live in it. You’re truly unbearable.”

She lashed out at him cruelly. She thought that this might finally make him give up on her. But he was relentless. He never left her alone, not even for a moment.

He constantly washed her, fed her and tended to her. He even forbade her from reading books herself. When she protested against his absurd behaviour, he spouted nonsense about how she was a patient who required absolute rest.

And yet, his persistence bore fruit. Her illness improved markedly.

“Your color looks much better now.”

As he fed her dinner, Jurgen spoke with quiet cheer.

Svyeta made up her mind.

‘Yes, I’ll get better quickly. Once I recover, Jurgen won’t have any excuse to keep me bound to him.’

With that thought, she dutifully ate every bite he gave her.

It was around then that flesh began to return to her body, once wasted thin by tuberculosis.