Chapter 10

“It looks like Madame Meyer must have arrived.”

“How did you know?”

“It’s flower tea. Her tastes are always the same. And this fig cake is one she likes too.”

“There’s one more person too.”

“Who?”

The nanny raised one eyebrow and lowered it again, pushing out her lips. The expression plainly said that she felt she had spoken unnecessarily. Judith crunched on the Earl Grey cookie and frowned.

“Well, Young Master Meyer. He says figs horrify him, but he also says there’s no fig cake better than the one in our house.”

“……Was it like that?”

Johannes again. Judith rubbed the cookie crumbs off her hand on her cardigan and prodded the inside of her mouth with her tongue.

“Don’t you remember? Young Master Meyer ate it so deliciously that you said you would make it for him yourself. I told you not to taste it and only make the batter because of your allergy, but while I wasn’t looking, you said that if Young Master Meyer was going to eat it, you had to taste it yourself, and you took a bite. Then you were bedridden for two full days. Do you know how shocked I was then?”

The nanny sounded aggrieved. She had probably been thoroughly scolded by Grandmother.

“Was it like that? I’ve felt this for a long time, but your memory is really good, Nanny. That’s why I can’t help relying on you.”

Judith cut her off while patting the nanny on the shoulder. Every story from childhood always had Johannes lodged inside it. So it was better not to start at all. Why had she forgotten that Johannes liked fig cake? Thinking back, young Johannes had only visited the Loewe house from late summer to early autumn, when figs were in season. The reason was the fig cake. Madame Loewe developed the habit of preserving figs in sugar for her neighboring friend and her grandson. So that she could serve it to them whenever they came.

And then, from some point on, he stopped eating fig cake. Had he said he was tired of it? Or had he said he had found a more delicious dessert? Her memory was hazy.

“Don’t touch figs ever again.”

“Okay. Thank you, Nanny.”

The nanny slid the tray holding tea and dessert over, and did not forget to set aside Judith’s portion separately.

“Here is today’s newspaper. I thought you might be looking for it.”

“Of course. There’s really no one but you.”

Judith took the newspaper tucked at the nanny’s waist and smiled brightly. Once the nanny disappeared from the kitchen, silence settled in. She had not noticed it while chatting with the nanny, but the worries she had shoved aside for a moment slowly crept back into her head.

Judith spread the newspaper open and pulled a pencil from her cardigan pocket so she could mark any necessary materials or articles. Her eyes were reading the paper, but her mind was completely elsewhere. Naturally, she was not taking in any of what she was reading. Her eyes merely moved over the print again and again.

Ha. By Christmas, I have to find a man. Somehow, I have to beg that man for love. How?

Judith wrote <How to Find a Man> in one corner of the newspaper and wrinkled the bridge of her nose. No matter how much she squeezed her brain, she could not figure it out. If only Elijah were here, she would have solved the problem easily. Of all times, she had gone traveling.

Judith thought of the assistant shut away in the lab. Then she immediately shook her head. That girl was the same kind of person as Judith. A scholar far removed from anything involving men. Rather than grab her and discuss it, joining one of those pretentious married women’s gatherings would be better. But she could not grab the nanny and pour out her troubles either. The nanny was her grandmother’s person.

If I’d known human relationships would be this hard, I would have studied the humanities instead. Then would I have been able to deal calmly with the situation involving Johannes? Calmly, my foot. Even now he’s all I can think about. This has nothing to do with scholarship. My head is rotten. My heart is broken. I’m sorry Grandfather and Grandfather, but if I could replace this so-called wolf’s heart, I’d do it in an instant.

<Heart. Mind.> Judith scribbled heart and mind directly beneath <How to Find a Man>. Then she circled mind, and circled it again. The word mind, growing blacker and blacker, looked just like her own heart.

“Hm? Wait a second.”

Judith’s eyes lit up as she stared at the word mind gone dark. What her grandmother wanted was a man who loved her, not her feelings, wasn’t it? Then didn’t that mean she only needed to find a man she would break up with after securing the old book? A light relationship with no future. If she kissed someone whose pockets were light but whose lips were sealed? There was a chance. Right. Sorry, Grandmother, but I needed to find an actor. She needed to begin a romance that would be as visible to her grandmother as possible. The plan was perfect. But.

“How exactly am I supposed to find a man?”

To avoid being found out by her sharp-eyed her grandmother and to put on a perfect act, the upper classes were out of the question. If she got entangled with them wrongly, it would reach her grandmother’s ears at once. Unexpectedly, the upper classes did not keep their mouths shut very well. Even in carefully calculated conversation, stories still made their rounds. It had been their mouths too that had painted Judith as a gloomy, problematic woman. So it was best to rule out sons from good families with money.

Judith put the tip of the pencil in her mouth and turned the problem over and over in her head. It felt as though a good solution might come to mind, yet nothing felt quite right. She truly did not understand relationships between men and women. She wished it were a problem with a formula, like mathematics. She had no idea why it was all so difficult. Even the mere act of meeting someone felt like homework she could not solve.

Judith puffed out one cheek as she reviewed the ideas she had written on the blank side of the newspaper. Men usually gathered at clubs or bars. She did not have the courage to wander through bar alleys, and clubs were mainly places where upper-class sons gathered, so those were best avoided. Should she ask a professor or student at the same school for help? No. If she asked them, rumors would spread throughout Bayer in less than a day. She must not forget that their mouths too were lighter than dandelion fluff.

Should she try an employment office? If she offered extra money, they might find her a proper actor. But most of the people working there might be frightening sorts. She needed to find a proper employment office. First she should make a list of the employment offices in Bayer and then go around in person.

With a sigh deep enough to make the ground sink, Judith drew a large circle around the employment office. Staying hunched over had made her shoulders stiff. Judith stretched out both arms. At that moment, the large advertisement box at the bottom of the newspaper entered her vision. In it was a picture of a white puppy wearing a lace neck collar. The dog’s name was Marianne, it was five years old, and it said it limped on one leg. Whoever found Marianne would be given a reward of no less than one million rubles. It must really be like family to them. To put up a reward of a million rubles.

Judith absentmindedly swept her eyes across the advertisement page, then struck her knee.

“Why didn’t I think of this?”

What if she put out an advertisement to find a man, just like people did to find a dog? And if she added that she would pay compensation each time they met, then maybe some man in urgent need of money would take the bait. First, she would meet them and talk, and then choose someone who did not seem dangerous. An effort to find a man, even at the cost of her dignity. The impact of the advertisement would surely reach her grandmother’s ears as well, and even if she failed to bring a man by Christmas, her grandmother might at least acknowledge the effort. And if she still stubbornly insisted on handing King Pirap’s old book over to the museum and Johannes, then Judith would cry and cling to her, saying there simply were no decent men in Bayer. If she even invoked her grandfather’s memory, her grandmother might step back a little.

Judith kissed Marianne’s picture and sprang to her feet. Bang. The chair scraped back loudly. With only the thought that she had to go to the newspaper office in mind, Judith forgot to take the newspaper full of her scribbles with her.

“Where did I put the car keys?”

She left the kitchen and crossed the corridor. She ran up the stairs, taking two or three steps at a time. She entered her disorderly room and grabbed the dark blue long coat she had thrown onto the bed. She even excavated her handbag from the floor covered in books. After briefly checking her face in the mirror beside the world map, she left the room.

“Whew.”

As she reached the garage, she heard whistling from some distance away. Judith stopped her brisk steps and narrowed her eyes. The whistling continued. Where is that coming from? At least it was not from the garden where she stood.