Chapter 13

The only one who had remained trapped on the day of her fifteenth birthday and failed to grow was Judith herself. It seemed that in Johannes’s memory, his friend’s shy confession had been erased completely. It must be nice, being able to do that. The thought that she alone had failed to rise above the hurt made her feel unfairly wronged. She had liked him without knowing he was this kind of man. If she had known Johannes was this shameless, she would not have liked him no matter how much he resembled a sculpture. No. She might still have fallen for his handsome face, but she would never have given him her deep heart, that was all.

“Do you know what kind of feelings I’ve carried just to get through each day? If you knew that, you shouldn’t be acting like this. Suddenly appearing out of nowhere, coveting King Pirap’s old book, and then approaching me again as though nothing happened before…… it just makes me feel pathetic. On my birthday thirteen years ago, you definitely heard it. My confession.”

Judith muttered with her head lowered. In a voice so quiet that no one would hear it unless they leaned in close. Johannes blinked one eye and lowered his head toward Judith.

“Answer me now, at least.”

It was time to cut off these stubborn feelings. Judith lifted her head and stared straight at Johannes, who had lowered his face close to hers. Johannes only blinked, just as he had that day. His long eyelashes fluttered like butterfly wings. A thin frost seemed to settle inside his purple eyes sparkling in the sunlight. Just as they had then, when he ignored her confession.

Judith felt as though she were once again standing in that dreadful place of confession on the day of her fifteenth birthday. Her heart pounded fast, and her eyes grew hot.

Johannes reached out and placed his hand on Judith’s cheek. The cheek beneath his fingertips was damp.

“Judith, why are you crying?”

“……”

This was not an answer to her confession. And yet her heart hurt. Just like then, Johannes did not offer any answer about her confession, but Judith could not fail to notice the confusion spreading over his face. She was not a fifteen-year-old girl anymore.

“Let go.”

Judith cut off Johannes’s touch with a single cold remark. Johannes’s hand fell from Judith’s cheek. Judith wiped the wetness from her cheek with the back of her hand, and the tip of her nose was red.

“Don’t cry. I didn’t mean to make you cry. So……”

Johannes irritably pushed back his hair and bit down on his lip. As though he did not know how to soothe a crying friend, yet did not want to lose that friend by rejecting her confession.

“I’m sorry. Please think about it, and if you need help, definitely tell me. I mean it.”

It was the answer that finally came after a long while. Pat. Pat. Johannes spread his large hand and silently patted Judith’s shoulder several times. His restrained voice held truth, not falsehood. Judith looked at Johannes, who smiled at her as though he might collapse at any moment. Johannes’s face looked like that of a wounded beast. Her heart ached. I’m the one who was hurt. Yet he was the one pretending to be in pain. Groundless guilt and self-loathing tightened around her throat. Now it was time to decide. Whether to remain as friends, as Johannes wanted, or to sever even the relationship called friendship.

Judith silently watched as Johannes waved a hand at her. Johannes twisted his eyes as though in pain and moved only his lips. It seemed he still had something he wanted to say, but Judith did not respond. Johannes tried several times to speak, then turned his back on Judith.

Watching Johannes’s retreating back in the distance, Judith twisted her face. What had he been trying to say? Why was he looking at her with that expression? The pain must only be the fear of losing an old friend, and yet her heart trembles. How pitiful her own heart is, leaning on a foolish hope.

The search for a man had begun because her grandmother wanted it. She had thought she would only half-heartedly pretend, get the old book into her hands, and then have no interest in men at all. But now she wanted to try properly. In order to forget that damned Johannes. A person had to be forgotten through another person. Why was Elijah’s nagging, the kind that had nearly made her ears ache, only now sinking into her heart? If one really could forget a person with another person, then she wanted to try anything.

* * *

“I’ve heard that the Loewe family is a rather old and distinguished house. And from what I hear, all of southern Brook belongs to the Loewe family, is that right? Ah, and I hear the old commercial buildings downtown are owned by the Loewes as well?”

Ha. Things did not look good from the very first man she met. Judith wore a formal smile and felt the corners of her lips tremble. This was the first time she had met such a rude man. A man openly aiming at her wealth, no less.

“I heard that you have no siblings, Miss Loewe, so once Madame Loewe passes away, all that great fortune will become yours, correct? If I were to marry into the family, naturally I would have a share in it, wouldn’t I?”

Judith dropped the smile she had been maintaining out of courtesy. Once the smile disappeared, her face looked rather cold. The man, who had just taken a sip of steaming lemon tea and set it down, flinched in the shoulders. The pale blue eyes glittering beneath her long lashes were chilling. Perhaps because she was descended from frontier Earls rumored to have demon-like ears on the battlefield, the force with which she dominated the surroundings without saying a word was formidable. Contrary to rumor, Judith Loewe was not so much gloomy as she was lofty and overbearing. The class system had vanished long ago, but it still made one think noble blood was different. Simply sitting across from her was enough to make one’s knees weak. The man pulled a handkerchief from his jacket pocket and shamelessly wiped the cold sweat from the back of his neck.

“I’m sorry, but it would be best if you assume I have no share in the Loewe holdings. I plan to return it all to society.”

“No, why would you do that with something so precious? If that’s the case, then marry me and give it to me instead.”

“Ha. Mr. Vinter.”

“Yes?”

“Thank you for coming today, but I don’t think you and I are a good match.”

“Why not? I think I suit you quite well.”

Not her, but the money, clearly. Judith quietly set down the teacup in her hand without making a sound, then pulled an envelope from her handbag. Just as stated in the newspaper advertisement, it was the envelope she had prepared as an interview fee.

“Thank you very much for coming all this way. If the opportunity arises next time, I hope we can meet under better circumstances. Then I’ll excuse myself first.”

Judith quietly placed the rather thick envelope in front of the man. He was no good even as a partner for a performance. It would be one thing if he were only greedy for money, but he looked greedy in every possible way. Naturally, he was the sort who would stab her in the back without hesitation. Judith picked up her handbag and rose from her seat. The man named Vinter checked the contents of the envelope, stuffed it into the inner pocket of the brown suit jacket he was clearly only pretending to own, and gave an awkward smile.

“Are we really parting just like this?”

“Yes. There is another person I’m supposed to meet next.”

Judith gave the man called Vinter a slight nod, then moved to another seat. Fortunately, he did not cling and follow after her. Unlike when he had sat across from her and spoken, he now wiped his forehead with a handkerchief like someone being chased, and quickly disappeared toward the hotel lobby. Judith let out a quiet sigh as she watched him go farther away. She had not expected to find a truly good man through an advertisement. She had only thought that it would be nice if she could find at least someone to act with. But meeting someone worthless from the very start crushed her spirits.

‘Still, maybe the second person will be all right.’