Chapter 21

Startled, Judith’s shoulders went stiff. Watching her, Karl let out a soft laugh. The man laughing with his broad shoulders shaking was like a shimmering spring haze. Judith stared blankly at Karl as he laughed so openly. She did not even notice the sidelong looks drifting toward them. She could not understand why she kept seeing Johannes in this man. Judith remembered the time she and young Johannes had secretly sneaked into the kitchen and ended up covered in flour while trying to bake cookies. Back then Johannes had laughed just like Karl was laughing now. Laughter pouring out clear and refreshing like the prow of a ship cutting through water. She had loved that clear, bright laughter enough that she had not feared even Grandmother’s scolding.

Judith blinked and tried to erase the lingering image of the boy Johannes superimposed over Karl. I’m crazy. I said I would forget him. I said I would ignore him. Then why do I keep thinking only of Johannes? Even when she looked at the dancing figure painting, it seemed as though Johannes were hobbling along holding a wooden sword, and when she saw dried bedcovers, she was reminded of young Johannes running between clotheslines while they played tag. She had only tried to block him out so she could forget, but Judith’s everyday life was covered entirely by Johannes.

“So, as expected, I’m not in your memory at all. I understand.”

Karl called Judith back to reality by lightly tapping the back of her hand with his fingertips while she drifted in thought.

“Because of family circumstances, I took a year off. During that time, you continued to rise and rise. Thanks to that, I gritted my teeth and studied all the harder. I wanted to look at least a little better when I stood before you.”

“So then. What you mean is.”

“Something deeper than fondness. Some people define this as love. But I don’t think it’s quite love. I wanted to confirm it. So I came to Bayer, and now we’ve met again like this.”

Karl spread both hands and lifted them to shoulder height, then gave a small shrug. Judith silently gripped her coffee cup and swallowed dryly. She could not believe that a man from the same university had harbored feelings for her, had not forgotten her, and had come looking for her. What is she, after all? Even a woman a friend of more than ten years would not want.

Hic.

The hiccup that burst out suddenly would not stop. Karl called over a passing server and ordered lukewarm water.

“I think it must have been too sudden. I should have said it more slowly, over time, but I was impatient.”

“N-no.”

Judith accepted the glass of water the server brought and sipped from it. The hiccups still would not stop. The gaze from across the table felt only strange and ticklish.

“There seems to be a walking path nearby. Would you like to take a walk?”

At Karl’s suggestion to ease the awkward mood, Judith nodded.

“That sounds like a good idea.”

Judith and Karl left the restaurant and walked along the path that had been made there not long ago. She noticed the winter wrapping tied around the scattered young trees so they would not freeze to death. Her heels were chafing in the unfamiliar shoes, and her feet, stiffened by the cold, were gradually losing sensation. The sun had not set yet, but the white breath spilling from their mouths warned of the cold.

“On second thought, I think it would be better to postpone the walk.”

Karl said so as he took off the coat he was wearing and draped it over Judith’s shoulders. White breath scattered between his lips as they opened and closed.

“I’m all right, though?”

“A walk, when even the trees are in danger of freezing to death. It seems this too was thoughtless of me.”

Karl shook his head, and Judith quietly curled her hand into a fist. She did not want to go back into the restaurant. Before knowing, it had been fine, but now that she knew this man had feelings for her, just imagining sitting face-to-face with him in the same space made the pit of her stomach feel tight. Even though she wanted to say they should part here, the words would not come out. Until hearing Karl’s confession, he had been fine. No more and no less than a handsome doctor who had attended the same university. That was why she had been at ease, and why she had not made any mistakes. But now that she knew his heart, it could no longer be a comfortable relationship. Her throat felt dry, as though something were lodged in it. The words she wanted to say would not leave her mouth. It seemed her discomfort around men had started up again. Confessions always put Judith in this kind of bind.

“There are two options. One is that we return to the restaurant. The other is that the two of us walk close together and share warmth.”

She disliked both. Karl must have meant that they should go back to the restaurant, but Judith could not answer easily. When she only wriggled her fingers and delayed her response, quick-witted Karl took the lead.

“Let’s go to my car first.”

He must mean they should head home. Judith brightened at once as she answered.

“I brought my car too.”

Seeing Judith show the first thing close to a smile since they had come out of the restaurant, Karl smacked his lips bitterly.

“You probably don’t have a proper first-aid kit, though?”

A first-aid kit? Judith thought of the back seat covered in books. There was a small medical box her assistant had shoved into the corner just in case something happened. But she did not know whether that counted as proper, so she hesitated to answer.

“If you don’t mind, hold onto my arm as we walk. If you keep forcing yourself like that, your heel will be skinned completely.”

“Ah.”

Judith looked down at her right foot and furrowed her brow. Being a doctor, he seemed able to tell a person’s condition from the way they walked. In the end, Judith had no choice but to place her hand on Karl’s arm and be led to his car.

Karl opened the passenger door of the car parked in the clearing outside the restaurant and carefully seated Judith inside. Coming around to the driver’s seat, he hurriedly started the engine and turned the heater up all the way. Frigid air burst out wildly at first, then gradually changed into lukewarm air. Karl rummaged through the first-aid kit in the back seat and took out disinfectant, gauze, and bandages one by one. Then he took off the brown jacket he was wearing, laid it over Judith’s knees, and skillfully drew her foot toward him. It all happened so quickly that she had no chance to resist before Karl had already caught hold of her ankle. Like a doctor, he removed Judith’s shoe from her right foot with practiced hands.

“I’ll buy you a new pair next time.”

“What?”

Karl placed Judith’s right foot on his thigh and neatly cut through her skin-colored stocking with medical scissors. The fabric snagged and split under the blades, leaving the stocking loosened and ruined. Her bare skin was exposed, and Karl held her slender calf as he examined the injured spot.

“It must have hurt quite a bit.”

Karl’s face twisted as though it were his own foot that had been crushed.

“It’ll sting a little.”

At some point Karl had already soaked a cotton pad with disinfectant and was rubbing Judith’s heel with it. The treatment was swift, and pain did not follow. They had said he was an excellent doctor. Of course, she did not know whether such a simple procedure could prove that, but she thought she could understand now why Teacher Marie and her grandmother had praised him so highly.

“Thank you.”

Judith did not forget to thank him as she removed her foot from Karl’s thigh and set it down on the floor of the passenger seat.

“Just a moment.”

What else was left? Karl took something from the back seat and set it down on the floor by the passenger seat.

“They’re slippers I bought to wear while working. No more heels for the time being.”

Judith looked down at the large slippers and clenched her teeth. He was too kind. And that made her uncomfortable. Her insides churned so much she felt she could lose her mind. Slipping her feet into the slippers, Judith thought to herself. Karl is a good person. He’s known me since university, kept me in mind, and still holds feelings for me. He seems like the right person to help me forget Johannes, and he could become a means of recovering King Pirap’s old book. Since he’s a doctor, he would surely be discreet as well. Reason cried out that she should not let Karl go, but her heart remained firm. It did not move toward Karl.

Knock. Knock.

Just then, a restaurant employee tapped on the car door. When Karl rolled down the window, cold air slashed across Judith’s cheek.

“Are you Dr. Schneider?”

“Yes?”

“Ah, there’s an urgent phone call looking for you. Would you come to the counter?”

“Yes, of course.”

Karl closed the window and met Judith’s eyes. His tense face looked uneasy.

“It seems an urgent patient must have appeared.”

Judith handed back Karl’s coat and jacket as she spoke. She did not forget to gather her shoes as well. Karl moved his lips regretfully, then nodded.

“You should hurry.”

At last, it was time to be freed from this uncomfortable situation.

“Come by the hospital tomorrow.”

Just as she was about to tell him goodbye, Karl stopped her as if he had read her thoughts.

“If it’s because of my heel, it’s all right.”

“You need proper treatment. And by tomorrow, I think I may want to see you again, Miss Loewe.”

“Ah.”

How easily he said such embarrassing things. Judith lowered her head deeply, then lifted it again, opened the passenger door, and got out. Her insides felt twisted. Bitter nausea rose all the way to the back of her throat. In the end, without even managing a proper farewell, she quickly headed toward where her car was parked. Karl also got out from the driver’s seat and watched Judith’s retreating back as she fled from him. She was still the same as before, turning tail and running whenever he tried to use a greeting as an excuse to speak. Karl rubbed a hand over his mouth and laughed dryly.

Judith went to her own car, opened the driver’s door, sat down, and dropped her forehead against the steering wheel. That man seems sincere, so what do I do? I’ll have to go to the hospital tomorrow and tell him properly. That I can’t accept his feelings.