Chapter 22

The next day, rain fell in a steady drizzle. If it were not for her promise with Karl, she would have wanted to lock herself away in the lab all day. Judith stood by the window, leaning against it with a steaming mug in her hands. Perhaps because of the rain, Johannes’s dog was nowhere to be seen. Beyond the garden wrapped in gray, the Meyer mansion crouched in the distance. In the past, she would stand at the window and, the instant she caught even a glimpse of Johannes’s shadow, rush out wagging her tail like his dog. She had followed him blindly, always chasing after him. There had been a time when she behaved as if remaining by his side was the whole of her life. Without knowing that his heart was not the same as hers. Perhaps she had been happy because she knew nothing. Now that she knew, she was unhappy. If only she had never known. If only she had never confessed. Then she could have hidden her heart and still remained at his side after he returned. No. A life like that could never have been a happy one.

“Ha.”

Her heart, impossible to grasp, felt dizzying.

“Why don’t you invite Johannes over and play cards with him today?”

It seemed Madame Loewe still believed that Johannes and Judith maintained a good relationship. Feeling a stab of guilt at her grandmother’s gentle smile, Judith stepped away from the window frame.

“I have an appointment.”

“With whom?”

“Just someone I got to know through the academic society.”

“A man?”

“Ha. It’s not like that.”

“It’s best to avoid relationships that have no substance.”

Louise Loewe frowned as she watched her granddaughter subtly avoid her. She had heard she had met the doctor Marie introduced, yet afterward there had been nothing said. Perhaps she had ruined another valuable match. She felt resentful, worried, and pained over the granddaughter who had changed after fifteen. She had not wanted her to show the marks of having been raised without parents. But perhaps she had not been enough for the child. If her grandmother’s love had not sufficed, then she wished at least the love of a partner might sustain her. Lately it had grown hard to watch her granddaughter all alone. She had thought that if she threatened her with King Pirap’s old book, she would at least make an effort, yet instead she only caused trouble with some absurd newspaper advertisement. When would she ever grow up?

“I’m going out now.”

So. Where to? The words she held in her mouth she swallowed instead, biting her tongue as she did so. Louise Loewe let out a heavy sigh as she watched the back of her granddaughter, who was dressed more properly than usual. What on earth was the problem? Johannes, the very one she once could not live without, had returned, and yet she only kept circling away from him. She had never suffered any injury to the head, yet the way she quietly avoided Johannes worried Louise greatly.

Judith glanced beyond the window beaded with raindrops. Her resolve not to turn her head toward the Meyer side collapsed in an instant. The drawn curtains felt strange. That mansion was always thrown wide open. Yet now it was only quiet and dark, as though hiding something. The image of Johannes speaking in sign language in front of the stall flickered before her. He was a bad man who had sent a telegram just to alarm her for no reason. Yet somehow the sight of Johannes being swept weakly through the crowd kept bothering her. He’s not unwell, is he? Her steps toward the garage kept slowing. Should I go and check? Before that absurd impulse could overwhelm her reason, Judith cut off the thoughts reaching toward Johannes.

“If he’s sick, he’ll go to a hospital or something. There are dozens of servants in the Meyer house. So get a grip. Judith Loewe.”

Johannes is the sort who’ll do just fine on his own whether I worry or not.

Perhaps because of the rain, the streets downtown were quiet. She parked in an open lot and picked up the umbrella she had tossed onto the passenger seat. The sound of rain striking the umbrella was like blades. Judith raised the collar of her coat and hunched her shoulders. It looked as though it might snow soon. With Christmas approaching, the cold closing in from all sides made the backs of her knees ache. Judith repeatedly curled and uncurled her toes inside her boots as she stood in front of the five-story building where Karl worked. The guard standing at the main entrance opened the door in welcome. Judith gave them a brief nod and stuck her umbrella into a large stand.

“It was raining heavily. Was the trip here dangerous?”

“It’s a road I travel all the time.”

“Yesterday I only managed to dress the wound, so it kept bothering me. Your recovery is impressive.”

“The girl who works with me in the lab put medicine on it. Since I get little injuries one way or another while working, I always keep basic medicine on hand.”

Karl nodded as he peeled away the medical tape and gauze.

“You should invite me sometime.”

“To where?”

“To the lab.”

“Ah. It’ll be dull. It’s full of old things.”

“I want to know. What kind of work you do, Miss Loewe. This is the kind of work I do.”

Karl turned his head and swept his gaze around the examination room. Judith followed his eyes around the room, and then their gazes met. Judith quickly lowered hers. So that’s what he meant. She had suspected something from the start, from his telling her to come to the hospital over no more than a light wound on her heel. It had not been a formal invitation, but it now seemed she had done well to bring a box of baked sweets as a gift. Who would have thought Grandmother’s teaching to never visit anywhere empty-handed would prove useful?

“The lab is always open, so come by whenever you have time. I’ll let the person who works with me know in advance. Ah, and please share this with the people working here.”

As she put her healed foot back into her boot, she placed the box on the desk. Karl looked at the prettily wrapped box of sweets and smiled slightly.

“I might score some points with the nurses thanks to this.”

“I would think you’d already earned generous points just by sitting still. What more could you need?”

“Surprisingly, I’m not very popular.”

Karl winked one eye, then set water on the burner.

“I’ll pass on tea. Isn’t this a busy time for you?”

“Even doctors need a break. There are still about thirty minutes until lunch, so there’s plenty of time for tea.”

No wonder the hospital had seemed empty. It appeared he had deliberately called her in during his break.

When the kettle on the burner began to whistle noisily, Karl poured hot water into the prepared cups. A steaming teacup was set before Judith, who had been looking out at the rain striking the window. Holding the hot cup in both hands, Judith watched the rain beating at the glass turn into white buds, and her mouth fell open in a round shape. The first snow.

“Doctor.”

Bang.

The moment Judith was caught by the first snow, Karl’s gaze deepened as well. Into the room, where a strange atmosphere had begun to gather, a nurse entered without permission. Judith cast her eyes through the open door. A man stood there supported by someone else, and the sight lodged in her eyes. When the man who looked about to collapse turned his head, their gazes met at once. Judith covered her mouth with both hands. Johannes. Without taking his eyes off Judith, he crumpled to the floor.

“Johannes!”

Judith ran toward him on reflex. The Meyer family butler, who had been supporting Johannes, had tears glistening in his eyes.

“What is this? Has his fever gone up again?”

Around this time of year, Johannes often became sick. He always spent Christmas shut in his room as well. She had been refused entry on the grounds that she might catch his severe cold, but young Judith would secretly climb over the wall and sneak into Johannes’s room anyway.

“Ju……dith.”

A tightly blocked voice leaked out faintly. Judith dropped to her knees on the floor and looked at Johannes’s face, lowered as it was. He breathed in hot, rasping breaths and lifted his eyelids with effort.

“I…… hurt a lot.”

“Ha.”

Seeing Johannes looking close to death made Judith’s eyes burn. So he really was sick that day. And I didn’t even know…… Judith covered her face with both hands and regretted resenting Johannes. If only she had looked more carefully, she would have known. Even though she knew she needed to pay attention whenever the cold winds started, she had left him alone. Left him out in those cold streets. Made him walk through the crowd with a sick body. Remembering the heavy curtains drawn across every Meyer window, Judith bit painfully into the tender flesh inside her mouth.

“The doctor sees the patient.”

Just then Karl knelt on one knee on the floor and wrapped an arm around Judith’s shoulders.

“At this rate, you’ll scrape your knees too.”

At that gentle voice, Judith rose from the floor following Karl’s lead. A nurse waiting behind him took Johannes and guided him into the examination room. Judith looked at Johannes with aching eyes.

“Will you wait here just a moment?”

“Ah, yes.”

Karl said that while meeting Judith’s eyes. Johannes was hidden behind Karl. Judith quietly nodded. Then.

“Come with me.”

“?”

Johannes, whose arm had been draped over the butler’s shoulder, suddenly turned his back.