The new bulb clicked into place.

Only today did I finally replace the light that had been flickering for days, flashing on and off as though sending a warning signal. The newly brightened bulb pushed back the pitch-black darkness.

Not a single ray of light slipped through the cracks of the window into the studio apartment, so the lights were always on, day and night. I hated the dark. There was no helping it.

Darkness wrapping itself around my entire body reduced me to nothing, leaving me in a state where I could not even dream.

It bound my whole body with invisible ropes, refused to let me even breathe, and shoved me into fear and pain.

I turned on the lights because I wanted to live.

To live—to survive—I had turned on every light I could.

With the lights on, I ate. I drank water. I reached a hand toward the world.

Whether the lights were off or on, the world was always dark.

But beside the light I had switched on, I could see myself.

I was there, beyond the mirror.

And I spoke.

‘Stop now…’

‘You can stop now.’

‘You’ve hurt enough.’

‘There aren’t even any tears left, are there?’

‘Pull yourself out of the darkness.’

‘Live.’

‘Just live.’

‘You idiot.’

The seaweed soup I had made two days ago was still sitting on the stove, being reheated without seeming to have diminished at all.

The old rice cooker appeared to have finally reached the end of its usefulness. Even the rice I had cooked just last night was giving off a sour smell.

I poured the seaweed soup over the rice and ate it without a single side dish. There was not even a piece of meat in the soup, but it diluted the sourness of the rice and filled every corner of my body with warmth.

“Unnie, did you get some good rest yesterday? You stayed cooped up at home all day again without moving an inch, didn’t you?”

“Hmph. There you go acting like my guardian again.”

As though it were only natural, Sua stuck out her lower lip.

“Of course! When you’re sick, who else but me stays by your side, takes care of you, and makes sure you eat?”

“Fine. I admit that, and I’m always grateful. But Sua, you secretly treat me like I’m the younger sister.”

“Unnie, you really live your life wa~y too boringly.”

“Oh, please.”

“Ow!”

Sua’s eyes were full of worry as she studied me, so I flicked her forehead with my finger.

“Ow!”

“I hit you so it would hurt. And why are you worrying about me? I eat well and live just fine. You see me every day.”

“You call this living well? It’s either work or home for you.”

“I’m already annoyed to death by a junior who nags me every day at work. That’s why I want to go straight home as soon as I’m done. And I do go out to eat with the younger girls.”

“Those girls again? Ugh. I mean, live as a woman for once. Why are you living like this when you’re still in the prime of your youth?”

“The prime of youth isn’t anything special. Life’s all the same anyway. Ah, come to think of it, I should stop by the supermarket today. My fridge is completely empty.”

“Forget about the fridge and pay some attention to yourself, Unnie. What are you going to do with that pretty face and that figure?”

“All the pretty people must have frozen to death.”

“There you go again. Why do you always pretend not to know? What about Team Leader Kim?”

“…”

“You do know why Team Leader Kim from Marketing comes to the restaurant every single day, don’t you?”

“Who knows…”

“What do you mean, who knows? You seriously don’t know who he keeps coming here to see every day?”

“Maybe he has nothing better to do. Or maybe he comes to see the new hires. They’re all pretty.”

“Seriously? You think Team Leader Kim comes all the way here to see those girls? When there are gorgeous women with killer figures in the secretary’s office and every other department?”

“Maybe he likes younger girls.”

“Unnie, you’re subtly dissing Team Leader Kim, you know that?”

“I’m not dissing him. I’m just saying what I’ve seen and what I think.”

“What do you mean, what have you seen and felt? Whenever he comes by, you treat him like he’s invisible. You’re the only one who does that—to our oh-so-impressive team leader. And he keeps coming and going without even realizing it. Seriously. Tsk, tsk.”

Sua shook her head and clicked her tongue.

“You really have the strangest personality. Such a perfect Prince Charming likes you, so why on earth don’t you like him?”

“I’m the one who doesn’t understand. Why would someone who has everything be interested in me? There must be plenty of women around him with better looks and better qualifications.”

“Unnie, that’s not how it works. No matter how many beautiful, accomplished women are around, if his heart doesn’t go to them, that’s the end of it.”

“Exactly. So why does he keep acting like this toward me when he has all those women around him?”

“No, seriously, why do you get so defensive whenever Team Leader Kim comes up? You really are strange.”

“Who exactly is strange?”

At the man’s voice suddenly cutting in, Sua and I turned toward the sound at the same time.

“Hello, Team Leader!”

Sua greeted him brightly despite everything.

“Hello, Sua. Good to see you too, Assistant Manager Park Haena.”

“…Yes.”

“Then let me in on it too. Who exactly is this strange person?”

“Sua, I’m heading out first.”

After giving the man who was trying to join our conversation a brief nod, I quickly left the area.

The click of my heels receded as I walked away.

“Assistant Manager Park always avoids me whenever she sees me.”

“Exactly. She looks like she can’t stand you.”

“Why do you think that is?”

“Who knows? Why do you think?”

“Does she hate my face?”

“Oh, come on. What kind of joke is that?”

“We’ve barely even had a proper conversation. What could she possibly dislike about me so much?”

“Team Leader, how did you manage to make her dislike you this much?”

“I’d like to know that myself. Why she can’t stand me and why I’ve earned her dislike.”

“Ugh!”

“Sua, by the way… the manager has been glaring at you for a while now.”

“Oh no, I’m going to get scolded! See you next time, Team Leader.”

Sua hurried away.

“Oh? Team Leader, you’re early today.”

He gave his team members a brief reply.

“Just happened that way.”

He dropped into his chair.

“How does she get colder and colder with each passing day?”

He let out a sigh.

The image of her back lingered in his mind—the way she had simply walked away without even properly exchanging greetings.

His phone rang.

“Yeah, Jaewon.”

“Not lunch yet, right? Let’s eat.”

“You’re paying?”

“The rich guy is always trying to freeload. Come to that barbecue place.”

“Meat in the middle of the day?”

“Yeah. I need to eat some meat and get my strength up.”

“What are you getting your strength up for?”

“What else? I need to impress my pretty sweetheart and get married.”

“Fine.”

“Is the meat already cooked?”

“Yeah. I got here ten minutes early and grilled it perfectly. If we had a drink… that’d be a bad idea, wouldn’t it?”

“Obviously. It’d look great if the company president came back from lunch reeking of alcohol.”

“I think I got a little too cocky, saying I’d run a company. I’m exhausted.”

“Don’t say that anywhere else. Someone might hit you.”

“What, a president isn’t even allowed to say he’s tired? I’m seriously exhausted!”

“Fine. Eat plenty of meat.”

“I’ve been so busy lately I don’t even have time to see my pretty girl.”

“Your girlfriend’s name is Pretty Girl?”

Jaewon stopped chewing and looked at him with sparkling eyes.

“Ah, Ivony. Her name is Ivony, but when you keep saying it, it turns into Ivony, Ippony, Ippuni—‘pretty girl.’ Isn’t that totally fascinating and cute?”

“You’re the one I find more fascinating.”

“Why are you picking a fight with me today?”

“You’re only realizing now? I’m seriously pissed off.”

“And why are you so upset? Ah! Assistant Manager Park Haena from Food and Beverage?”

“…What’s the point in even talking about it?”

“Didn’t you say you were happy just seeing her face?”

“That was already six months ago.”

“What? You’re still stuck in the same place?”

“This isn’t even standing still. I’m going backward. She treats me like I’m completely invisible. Then at some point, she started looking at me like I was some kind of bug and running away.”

“Pfft!”

“I’ve lived this long, and this is the first time anyone’s ever treated me like this.”

“Pwahaha! This is my first time seeing a woman who treats Kim Dohyun like a bug too.”

“No, she keeps looking at me like I’m some kind of weirdo. I got so desperate that I personally spread the word that I’m the hotel owner’s son. Like, ‘I’m not a bad guy, so please just give me a chance.’”

“Wow, seriously? What did she say when she found out you were the owner’s son?”

“That’s when she started looking at me like a bug.”

“Could she have a boyfriend?”

“No. She doesn’t. That’s confirmed information from my ally, who’s Haena’s closest friend.”

“How did you even end up liking Park Haena in the first place?”

“Didn’t I tell you?”

“You wouldn’t even let me bring it up, saying I’d jinx it if I talked about it. You kept it so tightly under wraps that you probably jinxed it even worse. Hurry up and tell me.”

“After I was assigned to the Marketing Department, I was going around the hotel to get familiar with the atmosphere of the different facilities. That day, there was a wedding in the banquet hall.

There were so many guests that the Food and Beverage staff from the restaurant were helping serve the meal too, and the hall was pretty chaotic. The kids were running around like it was a playground.”

“Well, of course the kids were having fun.”

“The parents felt bad, so they could barely eat and kept chasing after them. Then a few minutes later, I suddenly heard a whistle.”

“A whistle?”

“She had a pink whistle hanging around her neck, and when she blew it, the sharp whistle made all the kids immediately turn toward her.”

“That was Park Haena?”

“She called the kids over and whispered something in their ears. Then Haena left the hall, and all the little ones followed right behind her. The banquet hall became peaceful in an instant.”

“Where did she take them?”

“I was curious, so I followed them. She was playing with them in an empty room next to the wedding hall. And of all things, they were playing malttukbakgi.”

“Malttukbakgi? The game where someone bends over and lets the others climb onto their back?”

“Yeah. She had three kids riding on her back. One of the bigger kids seemed too embarrassed to climb on, so he just stood there. She made the other kids get off first, then told him that a general was supposed to ride alone anyway and let him get on her back.”

“And that was what made you fall for her?”

“I don’t know. Maybe she was exhausted, because her face had turned bright red, but she was smiling from ear to ear. She was laughing so hard with the kids, and… I felt strange.”

“You fell for her. Love at first sight.”

“I ended up hiding there and watching her play with those little troublemakers until their parents finished eating.”

“That’s how love comes to you.”

“It was a few days later. On my way home from work, I saw Haena lingering near the alley by the hotel. Something seemed off. She looked anxious and restless. I was watching her, wondering what was wrong, when she suddenly ran into the alley.”

“Into the alley?”

“She came back out a little while later, but she wasn’t alone.”

“Who was with her? A man?”

“She came out with three boys who looked about middle-school age.”

“Students?”

“She took them into a nearby fast-food restaurant.”

“What was that about?”

“I don’t even know why, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave. Maybe thirty minutes passed? Haena came out with the boys, and they parted like they were really close, even waving goodbye to each other… And for some reason, I was ridiculously irritated.”

“Were you jealous of the kids or something?”

“I don’t know. I said I don’t know!”

“Temper, temper. So?”

“They happened to walk toward my car, so I asked them.”

◇◇

“Hey, guys.”

“Us?”

“Yeah. One, two, three. You three.”

“Our mom told us to scream if a stranger talks to us…”

“Then did you scream at that noona just now too? Or did you already know her?”

“We met her for the first time today.”

“You met her today, and she bought you hamburgers? Why?”

The boys hesitated, unable to answer.

Then the shortest one finally spoke.

“These two said they were hungry and were taking money from me.”

“Hey! You little punk, why are you tattling?”

“I told you not to call me little. Noona said we shouldn’t fight and that we should get along.”

“Whoa, whoa. No fighting. By noona, you mean the woman from earlier? So what happened?”

“She suddenly showed up and asked if we were hungry, then told us to come eat hamburgers with her.”

“…Really?”

“And she said that if we were hungry again, we shouldn’t do something like this. We should call her instead. She said she couldn’t buy us anything fancy, but she could at least get us hamburgers or tteokbokki, and she gave us her number before she left.”

“You guys were blessed.”

“Mister, do you know that noona too?”

“A little.”

“Do you like her?”

“…I’m going to try.”

He looked down the path she had taken.

The fresh April haze shimmered brilliantly in the light.

Perhaps that freshness was the trace she had left behind…

◇◇

“Strong and fearless. She’s unusual, huh?”

“Not unusual. Special.”

“Yeah, yeah. She’s very special.”

“Honestly, I’ve been holding myself back all this time because she seems to hate me so much. I’m thinking of being more proactive now, but I’m worried she might run away.”

“Seriously, am I supposed to believe this or not? If I told our friends about this, they’d all fall over in shock.”

“What kind of nonsense are you talking about?”

“It’s not nonsense. Have there ever been women who didn’t fall for you after one look from Kim Dohyun? That’s why everyone would be shocked to see you acting like this. It’s also why our friends never introduce their girlfriends to you. They’re afraid you’ll steal them. Sometimes we even cut contact with you for a while because of it. Sorry.”

“What kind of ridiculous crap is that? Why would I steal your girlfriends?”

“You don’t even have to do anything. It’s the women looking at you that we worry about.”

“Oh, give me a break! Is that why you never introduced your girlfriend to me either?”

“It hurts my pride, but it’s true. I have to protect what’s mine. You’re a bad guy. A public enemy.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Life really is unfair. Other than your rotten personality, there’s nothing you’re lacking. How can one person have everything? Huh? If there was nothing else to take away, the heavens could at least have given you a little less hair. D*mn it. Now the meat doesn’t even taste good.”

“All that work must have finally driven you insane. Just eat as much meat as you want and get your head straight.”

When I rose from my seat, Jaewon’s eyes widened.

“You’re leaving? There’s still meat left.”

“Why would I eat with a public enemy?”

“…Fair point.”

“And let me say one thing. I don’t see anyone but her. Got it?”

He walked away.

Park Haena.

She stirs an endless thirst within me.

◇◇

“Unnie, are you going grocery shopping today?”

Sua asked as she watched me get ready to leave work.

“Yeah. I need seaweed and perilla seed powder. All I have is the soup I made a few days ago. This time, I’m going to add perilla powder too. It’ll be rich and nutty, so it should taste good.”

Sua clicked her tongue.

“Yeah, sounds incredibly delicious. How do you not get sick of eating seaweed soup all the time? You know I’m coming over to your place in two days, right? I’ll pass on the seaweed soup then.”

“Fine. I was planning to buy some side dishes for you while I shop anyway. See you tomorrow.”

I hurried to leave work, following Sua as she disappeared with a little wave of her hand. Fortunately, the supermarket was close to home, so it wasn’t much trouble.

I pushed a cart through the aisles.

My shopping list was always simple and inexpensive, but today I planned to buy a variety of ingredients for the guest who would be visiting in two days.

I headed to the fruit section.

I was carefully choosing between greenish bananas and ones that had already turned yellow when a low voice came from beside me.

“Bananas taste best when they’re spotted.”

“Oh, that sounds good.”

I looked up at the man pointing to a bunch of ripe bananas with his finger.

This man.

About a year ago, he had been transferred to the Marketing Department as a team leader. And he was the man who had gone around announcing with his own mouth that he was the hotel owner’s son.

“Looks like Assistant Manager Park came grocery shopping too. Ah, we’re off work now, so I can call you Haena, right?”

“…”

“Are you going to eat the bananas right away? If you are, buy ones with spots like these. If you’re going to leave them for a while, get ones like these that are still mixed in color.”

Sua was coming over in two days, so this one should be good.

I picked a bunch with just a few spots beginning to appear and placed it in my cart.

I should probably buy tangerines tomorrow.

If I stayed here, that man would surely start another long-winded lecture about tangerines.

As I pushed my cart away, the cart beside mine followed right behind me.

“Where are the perilla seed powder and seaweed?”

“Yes, ma’am. Please follow me.”

I quickly followed the employee leading the way.

“What do you make with perilla seed powder? Is it something like flour? Ah! Perilla seeds… sesame seeds? Wow, that was an ignorant thing to say. But I really am curious. What do you use it for?”

“Here you are, ma’am.”

“Yes. Thank you.”

I picked up a large bag of perilla seed powder and some seaweed and placed them in my cart.

He spent another long while muttering to himself about what connection there could possibly be between seaweed and perilla seed powder.

After paying, I walked out through the exit and set my shopping bags down for a moment.

The bitter December cold cut through my thick coat and bit sharply into my skin.

Even with thick socks on, my toes were always freezing.

I tightened my scarf again, pulled on my gloves, and picked up the grocery bags.

“Haena, it’s freezing out. Want a ride in my car?”

“…”

“Even if it’s close, if I’m going the same way, wouldn’t it be better to ride with me? Haena?”

“…”

“Park Haena!”

I stopped.

Had I been walking for about five minutes?

The weight of the grocery bags was beginning to make the joints of my fingers ache.

I set them down, rubbed my sore hand, and turned around.

The man’s face was suddenly right in front of mine.

What was this man’s name again…?