“When I die…”

“That won’t happen.”

“When I die, marry Lilia.”

“…What are you saying?”

“No matter how many precious things you give her, a mistress is still a mistress. Her status is different from a wife’s. I’ve thoughtlessly occupied the position of duchess for too long. I thought it would be fine as long as I bore an heir, but even that’s become impossible now.”

“…Why are you thinking such useless thoughts?”

“I’m sorry. Still, thanks to Your Grace, my family was able to survive safely. Thank you for fulfilling your duty at the funeral when my father and mother passed away. That evening I tried to embrace you, but I happened to be having my monthly cycle…”

“Odelite.”

“Oh, and I’m sorry about something else too. For saying I wasn’t a tool for bearing heirs. I’m sorry for refusing to sleep with you, and for failing in my duties as mistress of the house. You did so much for my family, but I couldn’t even fulfill my basic obligations. And actually, though you probably won’t believe me…”

Odelite hesitated for a moment. She didn’t know if it was right to say this in this situation.

Still, she didn’t have much time left anyway. Odelite slowly gazed at Cherdian.

“I truly had nothing going on with Wiston.”

“…!”

“If I’d known you’d get that angry, I would have kept my distance. I thought you wouldn’t care about such things—my thinking was shallow. I’m sorry for making you a laughingstock. It might sound like an excuse, but I just enjoyed writing plays before marriage, so I was happy to see him.”

Cherdian seemed completely unprepared for Odelite to say such things and froze in place. But as he stared at her bitter smile, he finally spoke.

“…I know.”

“Thank you for believing me. I once resented you foolishly, but looking back now, I was actually the one being too bothersome. Still, thank you for being kind on our wedding night. If not for that day, you would have later— ah, never mind. Anyway, thank you.”

“…”

“Thank you for helping my insignificant family, for tolerating my immaturity and foolishness, and for giving my brother Kahid an important position. I’m grateful for everything.”

Odelite let out a deep sigh. Her face was haggard and bloodless from her illness. Whenever she met him, she’d always been elaborately dressed, so this was the first time he’d seen her looking so gaunt.

He disliked the smell of women’s perfume and powder. So that innocent girl’s makeup gradually grew heavier, and whenever she gave off the common scent of high society instead of her sweet natural fragrance, he must have made a displeased face.

“If I recover from this illness, I’ll divorce you.”

That’s when it happened. Odelite looked at Cherdian and spoke again.

“Brother Kahid is managing the family properly, and we don’t need the ducal family’s money anymore. I’ll either return to my family or open a small shop somewhere on my own. Publicly, we’ll say it’s because I couldn’t bear children.”

“There’s no need— no, you can’t. No, Odelite, I—”

“By then, I’ll be able to enjoy my freedom too.”

Suddenly, Cherdian, who had been shaking his head saying it couldn’t be done, froze. His hands trembled. His Adam’s apple bobbed. He stared intently at Odelite and clenched his fists. An indecipherable emotion that Odelite had never seen before was etched on his face.

Odelite looked away from Cherdian.

Seeing him again at the end of her life brought back memories of the past years. But ultimately, those memories only pushed Odelite back into pain.

Nine years—and in those nine years, the only things worth thanking him for were just these? 

It was truly absurd. They say memories are always romanticized, so why did she only have desperate ones? 

In the end, Odelite deliberately pushed those memories to the back of her mind. What good was reminiscing now?

She finally closed her eyes slowly. It was a clear dismissal. Cherdian seemed to hesitate, wanting to say something, but she turned her head to the opposite side with her eyes still closed. Eventually, the room fell silent again.

She didn’t want to think about anything else anymore.

When death comes, she won’t have to hurt anymore. And what follows is freedom.

The next morning, Odelite closed her eyes completely.

* * *

Act 1: Regression and Truth

Odelite had never regretted her life.

Her marriage, which hadn’t gone according to her will, was quite unfortunate, but thinking about it, she’d enjoyed quite a lot otherwise.

Her parents and brothers, and her sister, had always willingly given up everything for her, the youngest.

After marriage, the ducal household staff always served the duchess from the provincial backwater with utmost sincerity. 

Though there were once jealous looks from high society, those were ultimately just youthful folly—the women who became proper ladies often held tea parties with her while holding their children. 

Even just days before she closed her eyes, they’d sent flowers and various health tonics, lamenting that they couldn’t meet face-to-face due to the flu.

Though the works she wrote never made it to the stage, the theater owners praised her talent quite generously.

Even with some regrets, what life in this world is without them?

‘Yes, it was a decent enough life.’

Murmuring to herself as she closed her eyes, she finally breathed her last.

And then came the deep darkness.

Would she now experience the afterlife? She was peacefully dazed when suddenly the darkness lifted and she frowned at the brilliant sunlight cutting across her vision.

And then—

“My goodness, you’re so beautiful, miss. When Duke Adelgart sees you, he’ll lose his mind on the wedding night.”

“Oh my, what are you saying? Miss, don’t be too nervous. Just do as we’ve taught you these past few days and you’ll get through the wedding night safely.”

With the chattering voices, she completely emerged from the pitch-black darkness.

Suddenly she sensed something strange about her surroundings. And the vivid sensations in her body. Finally, seeing her reflection in the mirror before her, she froze completely.

‘What… is this?’

In the mirror sat a young girl.

The face that seemed to have just come of age looked youthful, and her soft cream-colored hair was styled in a fashion popular several years ago. 

But the hair ornament made of twisted pearls and fresh flowers placed on top, the layers of lace veils dragging to the floor, the gorgeous white dress that completely exposed her shoulders—these were consistently fashionable items. 

The design was so beautiful that the trend started by her wedding dress nine years ago still showed no signs of fading.

But fashion or not, Odelite thought the image in the mirror seemed somehow foreign.

As she carefully examined the appearance that seemed both familiar and unfamiliar, she discovered that she currently looked exactly like she had at her wedding nine years ago—a time she’d completely erased from her mind.

‘What, what is this? Why am I here like this? Wasn’t I dead?’

She was genuinely flustered. And rightfully so—a person died and came back nine years, who would believe it? 

It was far too vivid to be a dream. Looking at the maids making a fuss behind her in the mirror, she suddenly covered her mouth with her hand.

“Could it be, I’ve returned…!”

“Yes? Miss? Do you need something?”

Odelite’s eyes widened at the sight of May, who had been her maid when she was unmarried. Not from emotion, but from shock.

‘This can’t be. How, how, how—of all times to return!’

Odelite’s hypothesis became increasingly certain.

At that moment, the fact that the wedding was about to happen—that she, who had barely met death, would have to marry again, meet that man again, and face all those events again—pushed her into shock and despair.

“The, the wedding.”

“Yes, miss, you don’t need to be so afraid.”

“Oh my, what should we do? Miss, aren’t you too nervous? Don’t be so frightened. Even though the rumors about Duke Adelgart are ominous…”

“Hey!”

“Ah, no, the rumors aren’t ominous.”

When May gave her a look, Ris quickly changed her words. But Odelite’s mind was no longer there. Only thoughts like how to resolve this situation circled in her head.

But no matter how much she thought about it, no clear solution emerged.

The reason she married Cherdian was because her father’s business venture had struggled, leaving the viscounty drowning in enormous debt. 

Because of that, no matter how much she ran around looking for work, no place offered a high salary to a young, merely pretty viscount’s daughter, and writing only covered her meals.

‘No, no. There must be another way.’

But Odelite, who tried to console herself by repeating this inwardly, soon realized there was no other way.

Most of the noble men who could pay off her debt were either married or had fiancées, and while they welcomed taking Odelite as a mistress with open arms, they were quite reluctant about actual marriage.

The one who had actively courted her to take her as his wife was Marquis Eden, a man over seventy with sadistic hobbies—seventeen of his wives had died. 

When she was agonizing over whether she had no choice but to go through with marrying Marquis Eden, Cherdian proposed marriage.

Her family, who hadn’t dared to approach such a disproportionately high-ranking house, naturally wanted to send their daughter to a young, robust man rather than a man over seventy. 

Odelite also had romantic notions about marriage and husbands, and knowing it would help her family, the Seidwins, she accepted the marriage.

But now, knowing what lay ahead, she had to refuse.

She had to… but she couldn’t just stand by and watch her family fall to ruin, could she?

She knew how much her father had bowed to nobles trying to at least preserve the family name. 

Even her brothers, who’d been raised as pampered young lords their whole lives, didn’t shy away from menial work. 

Her sister also tried to get help from her husband however she could, but that too had limits. Meanwhile, they tried not to make her, the youngest, suffer.