When Regret Strangles Your Throat

He had never really thought about it before.

He believed he had reasonable and unavoidable reasons. He had convinced himself that he was justified. Staying in Violet’s room had never seemed strange to him.

It had always been that way in the past.

Even after he died and came back, the curse remained. Naturally, he had assumed that Jaina would understand. He expected her to simply accept it.

But he had never once stopped to consider the cost to her.

Even now, although the person standing beside Jaina was a spirit and not a man, his blood still boiled simply because he appeared as one.

How much must Jaina have suffered, seeing Violet with her own eyes day after day and sharing the same space?

“I want to seize that gold-plated b*stard and kill him right now, Adil.”

The words he had spoken echoed back at him. In an instant, his previous thought that Jaina had perhaps been harsh or unreasonable towards Violet was completely overturned.

She had not been cruel.

In that moment, he wanted to kill a spirit that had done him no harm, just because it was going to spend the night in the same room as Jaina.

“Ha—.”

Cadel pressed a hand to his forehead and let out a hollow, pained laugh.

His face twisted as though on the verge of tears.

“I truly have been a madman.”

***

“What do you mean by that?”

Jaina’s eyes widened slightly.

She had asked Elysion why he had stopped Cadel from using the teleportation stone, given that Cadel had to be with Violet at night anyway. Yet Elysion had given her an unexpected answer.

“I mean exactly what I said. People who have lived thinking only of themselves often realize their faults only after experiencing the same pain they inflicted. Your husband is no different.”

“……”

“It is not solely his fault. A man who has been revered like a god since birth would have had no reason to concern himself with understanding how others feel.”

“……”

“Sometimes, a small realization can teach a great lesson. I intend to give him that realization. I want him to understand your heart, even if only a little.”

Jaina looked at him, still unable to fully grasp his meaning.

From the outset, she had believed that there was no way Cadel would understand her over something like this.

No matter who she spent the night with, he wouldn’t care.

“I don’t want that. What I want is to stabilize the Empire as quickly as possible and return to the spirit village.”

She spoke almost to herself, her gaze drifting towards the window. She no longer wanted to wait for someone who would never change.

When she was briefly reunited with the man she had once loved enough to die for, her heart wavered foolishly for a moment. But now she understood just how foolish that had been.

She was the only person in the Empire who still possessed holy power.

Until the dark mage’s atrocities were brought to an end, Cadel’s black mana, untouched by dark magic, would remain necessary. The Symbol of Bonding would have to be maintained.

If she wanted to resolve the situation quickly, there was only one option: she had to stop the dark mage, bring him to justice, and restore peace to the Empire.

Perhaps the world had changed so drastically because she had poured all her holy power into the Elim Tree and died.

Jaina turned to Elysion.

“Will we need his help again tomorrow? If it’s something that I can manage without him, could that be arranged? I don’t want to keep seeing him.”

Elysion regarded her with an unreadable expression.

“Even if it becomes more complicated and exhausting, I don’t mind. But if it isn’t like discerning the real detached palace, which absolutely requires his black mana, then I want him to stay in the North.”

“Why?”

“I would rather not face him if I can help it.”

“Even if he would be of assistance?”

“As I said, unless his presence is absolutely necessary, I want to resolve it on my own.”

At her clear refusal, Elysion hummed softly and stroked his chin. He seemed to ponder something for a moment before speaking.

“As I told you, if what you desire is clear, I can help you achieve it—whatever it may be.”

“I swear my choice now is very clear.”

“It will take twice as long as if your mate were to assist.”

“That’s fine.”

“It will demand twice the strength.”

“I will do my best.”

At her unwavering answer, Elysion nodded in satisfaction.

“Very well. I shall bind your husband’s steps in the North until the rainy season ends. Perhaps that, too, will greatly help the growth of your power.”

***

“That damned, gold-haired spirit b*stard!”

Cadel threw the communication orb onto the floor.

Dozens of useless orbs and teleportation stones lay scattered around him in disarray.

All communication orbs in the north had gone silent. He could not reach Jaina, the Imperial Palace, or anywhere else in the Empire. The teleportation stones had lost their light, too, and were now indistinguishable from ordinary stones.

When he decided to leave by carriage, he found that the only road leading towards the Empire had been blocked by a landslide. The sea route was no better — it was blocked by a violent storm.

There was no doubt in his mind: This was the spirit’s doing.

At the thought of Jaina standing beside the golden-haired spirit, he felt a burning sensation inside. His heart churned violently, refusing to settle. He felt as though he were on the verge of losing his sanity.

‘Was this how you felt as well…?’

The realization came too late, bringing with it a crushing wave of guilt.

He remembered how Jaina’s expression had grown darker day by day. How she had become sharp and restless whenever it rained.

Only now did he begin to grasp, albeit faintly, the depth of anguish she must have endured. But could he free her from it now, knowing that?

No matter how many times he turned the question over in his mind, the answer remained the same.

No.

On rainy nights, he could not bear it without Violet.

That would most likely not change until the day he died.

During the last epidemic, when urgent matters had piled up, he tried to work from his study instead of going to Violet’s room. He convinced himself that being efficient was more important.

He did not last even two hours.

The pain overwhelmed him, causing him to collapse and lose consciousness.

He did not wake up for two whole days. Adil bore the consequences of that reckless decision.

Since then, whenever the rainy season began in the north, he went to Violet’s room without fail. Sometimes he would bring stacks of work with him. Simply being in the same room as her was enough.

In hindsight, expecting Jaina to understand had been selfish. At the same time, he despised himself. He had forced a sacrifice upon the woman he loved — the woman who loved him in return.

Cadel began to wonder how he could make Jaina happy in their marriage. How could he lessen her suffering?

But first, he had to reach her.

Even if only during the day, he needed to stand by her side.

Driven by this thought, he began searching for a way to clear the blocked roads and return to the Empire.

***

Though not as severe as in the detached palace, the main palace and the others were in much the same state.

As Jaina worked diligently, reinforcing barrier after barrier, Elysion suddenly spoke.

“Have I ever told you this before?”

She turned to him, a puzzled expression on her face, in response to his abrupt question. He slowly scanned the area now enclosed by the barrier before continuing.

“That perhaps humans may be more wicked than monsters.”

“…What?”

“With dark magic of this magnitude, at the very least an enormous number of humans must have been killed.”

Her face stiffened.

Dark magic required human souls as offerings. To cast something on this scale, countless lives must have been taken.

“They likely gathered the souls through fabricated natural disasters, plagues, or even by unleashing monsters.”

“Fabricated natural disasters?”

“The floods, earthquakes, and landslides that have occurred recently in different regions of the Empire were not natural phenomena.”

“Ah….”

“They were all caused by dark magic.”

After finishing his explanation, Elysion fell briefly silent. Then he looked at her again.

“It is certain that this generation’s dark mage is the most vile among vile humans.”

“The most vile of humans.”

Jaina turned the phrase over in her mind.

Humans were beings who carried both good and evil within them. Yet some were consumed by malice to such an extent that their virtue was negligible.

The dark mage was undoubtedly one of those people.

She did not know what could motivate someone to commit such atrocities. However, if this calamity was truly the result of one person’s twisted will, she could not simply endure it.

Having been granted strength by the gods and spirits, she had the power to stop the dark mage’s evil and she was determined to use it.

Now that she bore the Symbol of Bonding through her marriage to Cadel, the dark mage could not easily harm her holy power, and there was hope.

And she was not alone. The powerful Spirit of Light stood at her side.

‘Yes. I will stop it—as far as my strength allows.’

Nodding to herself in resolve, Jaina turned to Elysion.

“Once the purification of the Imperial Palace is complete, will you travel across the Empire with me?”