Chapter 1

Lord Kardin Ferdian, the master of the Grand Ducal House of Ferdian in the Helen Kingdom, died.

Like any other cold day, today he once again became a star in the sky.

After everyone who had come to the funeral left, only one person remained.

The wife of the man who had become a star in the sky.

Shallen Ferdian.

She became alone again.

Before she knew it, darkness had sunk over the sky. In the blowing wind, the snow scattered fiercely.

When the biting wind struck her fingertips, even the lingering warmth was taken away, and her fingertips froze cold.

With numb hands, she brushed over the coffin covered in pure white snow.

Though those hands were frozen, she still hoped he might be spared this cold, even if only a little.

He was not someone who easily felt the cold, but even so, she hated the thought of him being in a cold place.

If you could see me as I am now, what would you say?

“You would probably tell me not to do something so pointless and to take care of my own body instead, wouldn’t you?”

As she spoke the words he was likely to say to her, it felt as though his voice were ringing beside her ear.

By now, she should have grown used to this situation, and yet she still had not adapted.

Even though this very moment, experiencing his death and holding his funeral, had repeated no less than three times.

Standing at death’s threshold, this time too, he made the same choice for her sake.

A person with a sense of responsibility so strong it was almost cruel.

He could have lived a little more selfishly.

While he was alive, they were never close enough to properly even hold a conversation. Why did he make such a choice?

“Was it simply because I am your wife?”

Foolish person.

Truly, such a foolish person.

Could we not escape this painful shackle?

Just where did it all go wrong?

Was it from the very moment I seized the hand you held out to me?

If it was because you took me in, whom God had abandoned, that you were suffering…….

“……How am I supposed to live with this guilt? And how am I supposed to face you again?”

She endured by biting her lip with all her strength, but then her bowed head dropped with a thud.

The snowflakes piled on top of her head fell down like rain. Snow clouds covered the sky, turning the whole world pure white.

In a world this white, her own white hair, which felt no sense of discord, spilled down and hid her expression.

Taking that moment, what had welled in her eyes flowed down both cheeks without caring in the least about anyone watching.

Honestly, as expected, now that this moment had come again, tears were falling.

Was it because the places where the tears flowed were warm? Her frozen face thawed for a brief moment, engraving into her once more that she was still alive.

She wiped away her tears with frozen hands, then slowly opened her mouth.

“Kardin, there is one thing I’m curious about. Right now, do you resent me?”

Was I afraid? Afraid that you might resent me?

Even she thought it was a shameless thing to say.

“I always say this to you. I’m sorry.”

The moment she spoke those words of apology to him, the tears that had stopped began to fall again.

There were far too many things she was sorry for, when it came to him.

She asked him to divorce her, and said that she had come to dislike him. She hurled cruel words at the one who had saved her.

She did not mean them. She did not dislike him, and this place did not feel like hell.

Rather, she liked him, and this place was the only space where she could breathe.

How could she possibly hate him, when he was the one who pulled her out of that hell?

She said those things so that the same events would not happen again, so that she could stop his death, so that she could leave his side.

And yet, vainly enough, she lost him.

This was the third time, and once again she lost him.

After doing nothing but wound him.

She remained like that for a long time. Then she heard the sound of someone stepping through the path where snow had piled thickly behind her.

“Madam. You will catch a cold. Please go inside at once.”

The one who had come near her was none other than the vice-captain of the knight order of the Grand Ducal House of Ferdian.

How very absurd. His master died because of me, and yet he worried about me. Did he not find me disgusting?

“Madam.”

When she did not answer, he called her once more.

“Yes. I should go in now.”

“Yes. Please go inside quickly.”

She turned her head slightly to the side and gave a short nod.

“……After I say my final farewell.”

As if being considerate of her, the man stepped back a few paces.

Was it consideration for her, who had only just sent off her husband and become a widow?

When she lowered her head again, the snow that had piled softly atop the coffin had already melted from the warmth of her hands. Thank goodness.

She withdrew the hand she had placed on the coffin, straightened the legs she had kept bent, and rose to her feet. It was time to say goodbye now.

Her eyes held only one place. White breath seeped out through her slightly parted lips.

With that as the beginning, she offered her final farewell.

“We’ll see each other again, won’t we? See you soon.”

She turned her back and walked along the road thickly covered with snow.

Several times, she faltered even as she walked, troubled by leaving him behind.

Letting out a deep breath, she pressed her lips tight and hurried her steps.

When she entered the mansion, it seemed the butler and servants had been waiting for her.

“Madam. Quickly, please warm yourself.”

The head maid’s warm words, along with the gazes of the butler and everyone else upon her, were warm enough to melt all of this cold snow.

Enough to make her feel guilty.

“Yes. You all worked hard today. Then I’ll go in first.”

After giving them a brief greeting, she went up to her room.

No, to his room.

She could have gone to her own room, but today she did not want to do that. It felt as though that would be too cold. As though her heart would feel too chilled.

Every day he died, she slept here. In case his warmth might still remain.

“Madam. The warm water is ready.”

“Yes, thank you.”

Even at the touch of the servants who helped her with each little thing, all the way to taking off her black dress, tears threatened to come absurdly.

Why were they always so kind to me every single time? This was the third time, and they had always been warm to her.

Because this was northern land, outside the mansion it was cold enough for snow to swirl, yet inside was so warm.

As she slowly submerged her feet first into the bath where hot steam rose, it felt as though her body were gently melting.

“Am I allowed to feel something like this?”

Before she realized it, her inner thoughts had slipped out of her mouth.

The hands of the two maids attending her paused for a moment.

“It’s nothing.”

“Madam.”

“Yes, Luna.”

The maid named Luna tightly held her hand and looked at her.

“We will always stay by your side, Madam.”

At her words, Shallen slowly closed her eyes and then opened them again, nodding her head.

“You always say that.”

“Pardon?”

“No, it’s nothing.”

Was it because the warm water had melted her body? The line of her mouth softened a little.

Then suddenly, she felt disgusted by herself for being that way.

She let herself slip into the bathwater until even her face was submerged.

“Madam!”

At the small voice calling her from outside the water, she merely stuck one hand out and waved it weakly from side to side.

Even at her gesture, she could sense that they were still anxious and uneasy.

Because of their concern, she had no choice but to come back out of the water.

The moment in which all sense of reality had vanished came to an end.

“Madam…….”

“It’s just because the water is warm.”

Even at her words, the maids did not seem reassured.

“I’m getting out now. I want to rest quickly.”

Pressing their lips together, the maids nodded and helped her to her feet.

As she sat at the dressing table, their faces as they dried her wet hair were reflected in the mirror.

The servants here must be grieving too, having lost their master. And yet the sincerity with which they worried for her in front of her was so strange.

She took her eyes off them and shifted her gaze to herself in the mirror.

Ever since her holy power disappeared, the color of her eyes had changed.

Her blue eyes, which once gave off a soft light, had now become a dull silver-gray that had lost its shine.

She had grown used to it now, but looking at her eyes brought back old memories, and she squeezed both eyes shut.

“Madam?”

“I should sleep. All of you, go and rest.”

“……Madam. If anything at all happens, please make sure to call for us.”

“That’s right. No! Even if nothing happens, if you call us, we’ll come running right away.”

She rose from her seat, lightly patting their shoulders, and nodded.

“All right. You should all go to sleep quickly too.”

“Then we’ll be on our way out. Sleep well, Madam.”

Click.

Once the servants left, now she was left alone.

In his room, where she hoped his warmth still remained.