Chapter 4

The life given to her for the fourth time was different from all the others so far. Rather than returning to just before the wedding with Kardin, she had returned to a time before she became the Saintess.

Tomorrow was the day they would announce that the Saintess of the Temple of Melissa had been born.

Even under the careful hands dressing her, her lips trembled faintly. Because it still did not feel real that she had returned. Or perhaps because it was beginning to feel real.

Kardin must have returned safely, right. The servants of Ferdian must all be doing well too. It had been warm there. Everyone must have forgotten her again by now.

She had wished to return so desperately, dreamed of it so desperately.

Even when she pressed her lips tightly together, the tears would not dry. Just like on the day he met his death.

She had always been someone whose expression remained blank, someone who only wore a faint smile. Yet whenever she thought only of him, she spilled out emotions she could not control like this.

This time especially, returning to a point before meeting him made her both glad and sad.

It should certainly have been a relief, because now there was the option that he might not be with her.

Complicated thoughts dug into her mind.

The thought that she must not see him, and yet despite that, the wicked greed that wanted to see him just once.

Perhaps she was nothing but a selfish human being unworthy of becoming a Saintess.

Ah, was that why she was a Saintess suited to a place like this hell?

In place of those selfish desires, tears flowed down her cheeks.

She hoped that these tears would wash even her desires away. So that they would never come to mind again.

A voice that erased her brooding thoughts sounded in her ears.

“Lady Shallen! What are we supposed to do if you keep crying!”

A young and lovely girl smiled brightly as she wiped away her tears.

Amy looked happier than anyone, smiling with excitement, just as she had back then.

“Lady Shallen. Are you really that happy? Until now, you never showed any sign that you were pleased, so I thought you weren’t welcoming the idea of becoming the Saintess. But that wasn’t the case, was it?”

At her words, Shallen slowly nodded.

“Yes, I am happy.”

The greatest relief of all was that Kardin was alive.

“Oh my. Lady Shallen! Your way of speaking already sounds so noble, just like a high-born Saintess!”

Placing a hand atop the girl’s head, still with tears hanging from her eyes, she replied with a faint smile.

“Let’s say I practiced.”

Only now did her emotions settle a little, and the tears that had fallen like a sudden shower gradually stopped.

After wiping away the traces of tears, she still could not lie down on the bed even after Amy left the room. Instead, she closed her eyes gently amid the silence blanketing the room.

What kind of emotions should she show now? Having returned to the past, what could she do for him?

The thoughts that had been throwing her into turmoil did not hold her for very long.

She opened the eyes she had closed, rose from her place, and immediately opened the door.

The quiet night air brushed past the tip of her nose. Leaving the darkened sky behind, she walked down the corridor lined with pillars.

She stopped in front of the prayer chamber, a place only the Saintess and the Pope could enter. It was considered the place closest to God.

Without hesitation, she opened the door.

When she opened the large door in the stillness of the night, the creaking sound felt even louder.

The statue of God came into her sight.

Tap, tap.

The sound of her footsteps echoed.

She knelt upon the cloth laid before the statue. Her first words were not long.

“It has truly been a long time.”

When she raised her head and looked up at the statue of God, one corner of her lips naturally lifted.

“O Gloria, can you hear my voice? This time at least, please properly listen to what I have to say.”

Strength gradually entered her delicate voice.

“By today, it has been three times. That you have turned me back. Twice, you returned me to the same day, the same place, so why did you return me here this time. If you do not answer this question, then I will continue to speak falsehoods in your name from now on as well, Gloria.”

She spoke to God. And she waited for an answer.

No, perhaps this time she might even have been thinking that God should not answer.

Because as Saintess, Shallen Melissa, she did not wish to repeat the same events as before.

Because she hoped this temple would not form a nation and become the starting point of war.

To do that, things had to change.

She tucked in her lips slightly and pressed them shut with force. Because old memories came to mind.

After the Helen Kingdom and the Holy Kingdom of Melissa formed an alliance, the Holy Kingdom of Melissa set its sights on the Kingdom of Nicholas.

That a place which had once been no more than a great temple would declare war on the Kingdom of Nicholas. It was truly absurd.

At the time, the Holy Kingdom of Melissa requested support from the Helen Kingdom in the form of knights. However, it was a hopeless war.

When the Helen Kingdom did not give a proper reply, the Holy Kingdom of Melissa made another request. Not to the royal family, but to the Grand Ducal House of Ferdian.

To the one who guarded the north…… to her him.

‘It’s a letter from the Holy Kingdom of Melissa, what does it say?’

‘They are asking after your well-being.’

‘Is that all?’

‘Yes. That is all.’

He did not tell her. That the Holy Kingdom had requested support.

Kardin foolishly went to that war for one reason alone: that she, who had once been the former Saintess, was now his wife.

She only learned all the facts later, even that he had told the royal family that he himself would go to provide support.

Only when his body was finally returned to her.

The emotions she had buried in those old memories began to whirl up once more. Feelings impossible to describe in words, impossible to put into writing, mixed together.

Even if only through that memory, recalling his voice made her miss him, and she hated him for not having spoken honestly to her.

The rage from when she had lost him to the greed of a mere temple, and the helplessness she had felt throughout the repeated cycle, all rushed into her heart at once.

A tear fell.

She bit her lip until it bled and steadied her breathing. Because for now, those emotions had to be buried.

After kneeling there for a long time, it was as if cold water had been poured over her; the emotions that had been boiling inside sank deep into her body.

She continued to wait for God’s answer.

But even after a long wait, the God Gloria gave no answer to her question.

Feeling the sunlight even with her eyes closed, she rose from her place. She gave a brief silent bow to the statue of Gloria and spoke.

“O God Gloria. I have heard the answer to my question well.”

Though she had not heard God’s voice, the silence was as good as an answer. At last, this time, God had listened to what she said.

With the statue at her back, she moved her steps to leave the prayer chamber.

From the moment she opened this firmly shut door and stepped out, she would bury these feelings in her heart and speak other feelings instead.

Even if it was a rage unbefitting a Saintess.

Creak.

As she opened the door, the early morning air greeted her. To return to her room, she walked down the corridor she had walked the night before.

A smile rose on its own.

From today onward, she would become the daughter of an unmerciful God.