Chapter 3

She opened her eyes.

She frowned at the morning sunlight. She was still greeting the morning in his bed.

Last night, after sending him away, she had hoped to return to the past right away, but as expected, God did not grant her wish.

About when would I be able to return to the past this time?

The thought she had first thing in the morning was nothing special.

Her day, without fail, began with the emptiness of his absence, and she had to fulfill her role as the Grand Duchess.

Longing was merely her own feeling, because she had to take responsibility for his house and his people.

Until she returned to the past, it was the duty she naturally had to bear.

And so she continued to greet days without him. Until Kardin’s office became her office.

She gave herself over to time as it passed and passed again, until his room became her room.

In doing so, she did not even realize how much time had gone by.

She had merely lived while taking care of affairs in his stead, and already three years had passed.

That meant she had lived one year longer than the time she had spent with him.

Though the northern cold had lessened somewhat, her heart was still just as it had been then.

Like a play on words, this place was cold, yet still warm.

The servants worried that she might catch a cold even from the slightest chill, and if she did not dress warmly enough, they would not even let her go outside.

Whenever she saw their eyes, it felt as though she had become someone precious.

Today as well, like any other day, she finished her work and left the office. Wearing the coat they, who regarded her as precious, had prepared for her.

Step, step.

She walked. Because her destination was always only one place.

The place where Kardin’s gravestone stood. It was part of her daily life.

A glass conservatory had been built where the gravestone was. It was decorated so beautifully that it looked like a garden, to the point that no one would imagine someone’s grave lay there.

She liked this place. The thought that he might be able to escape the cold, even a little, pleased her very much.

If she strolled among the brightly blooming flowers of every color like this, eventually her destination would appear.

In front of the gravestone, a thick blanket had been spread out. The servants had probably brought it for her.

As always, she sat down leaning her back against the gravestone.

Beside it, many books were stacked. From among them, she chose a thick one and opened it.

She really did read such a dull book diligently. It was simply because she thought that the thicker the book, the longer she could remain by his side.

After keeping her eyes on the book for a long while, she lifted her head. The sky, which had been early evening, had grown quite dark.

From between her tightly closed lips, she called his name.

“Kardin.”

Today as well, there was no answer. As expected.

Even so, she continued speaking.

“……I said we would see each other again soon. But even after three years, we still have not met.”

It was very strange.

After he died, the time until she returned to the past had never once exceeded a year.

And now, the years she had spent living as the wife of a dead man were becoming longer than the years she had lived as his wife.

Strange, truly.

She twisted slightly and brushed over the somewhat lonely-looking letters carved into the gravestone.

Lord Kardin Ferdian

“I miss you. Truly. Every time I miss you, I write a letter, and now there are so many that I can’t even count them anymore. More than I thought…….”

Around the point where her words trailed off, she heard someone’s voice. It was a gentle tone.

“Madam. It is late.”

At that voice, she swallowed the last of her words inwardly, then rose from her place with a faint smile.

When she came out of the glass conservatory, the butler and several servants had come to escort her.

“What did you all come out here for?”

“Because the night is deep, and I thought you might be frightened.”

At the butler’s words, the head maid nodded and took her hand, adding her own words.

“The weather is still cold. Please go inside.”

“Yes. Let’s go in.”

Perhaps it was thanks to their kindness, but the path back to her room felt warm.

As she grasped the doorknob, she smiled sincerely at those standing behind her.

“With all of you here, this place feels warm.”

As if in answer to her words, they replied with bright smiles.

She stopped the servants who were about to follow her inside to prepare her bed.

“It’s all right tonight, so you should all head back now.”

“Yes, Madam. We have prepared warm water.”

“Thank you. As always.”

“You say such things. Then please rest well, Madam.”

“Yes, yes.”

The corners of her lips, which had naturally risen, slowly fell as she turned away from them.

Creak, bang.

Only after the door closed could she hear the footsteps of those outside.

The neatly arranged room greeted her.

No one asked her why she used this room.

The same was true of the way she spent her time in front of Kardin’s grave, except during working hours. They merely always made sure to keep her warm.

She sat down on the sofa for a moment. Their kindness could be seen in the refreshments and warm tea placed on the table.

Though she found herself laughable for eating this, she still picked up a sweet and placed it into her mouth.

Sweet refreshments and slightly bitter tea.

Not once had she ever told them that she liked these things. But they knew and prepared them just from the smallest expressions on her face.

Without realizing it, the line of her mouth softened. From the very moment she became the Grand Duchess, they had not changed.

Unlike now, at first, it would have been natural for a former Saintess newly thr*st into the world to be clumsy at handling affairs. Yet they had waited for her.

They said that she was kind. Whenever they did, she shook her head.

‘Just because I was a Saintess doesn’t mean I am kind to everyone. It’s a prejudice to say that every Saintess is gentle.’

‘Madam, there is no one in this mansion who does not know that you are kind.’

‘It must be because all of you are kind, and so I only seem that way.’

It suddenly came to her how she had joked with them so casually.

A soft laugh slipped out.

But the laughter did not last long. Because tonight as well, she had to pray earnestly. That tomorrow, she would surely return to the past.

She wished again today that she could return, whether it was to that time just before the wedding, or even to that moment when she got angry with him.

With warmth given to her so fully for her sake, she might well have become greedy enough to pray to God, just once, that she might go on living this way.

But he was not here.

Because of the single thought that she might never see him again, she regretted that, and wanted to return.

Even if that place was hell.

Even if it was only once, even if it was only the last time, she selfishly wished to see him one more time.

After finishing the last of the tea, she rose from her seat and headed toward the bath.

As she slowly immersed herself from the tips of her feet into the warm water that had been prepared in advance, white steam rose and filled the bathroom.

She slowly lowered her body until even her face was submerged beneath the water.

Because there were too many thoughts, and because this time, which had lengthened far beyond expectation, felt lonely and bewildering. For now, she wanted to stop thinking.

And yet, why was it that at times like this, Kardin, your face came to mind?

Everyone used to say his black eyes were cool and distant, but to her they had felt warmer than anything else. Perhaps it was because of his golden hair, which shone as brilliantly as the sun.

His way of speaking had always been blunt, but even his low voice had been pleasant to hear.

He came to mind clearly. What was she supposed to do when he appeared so vividly, even when she squeezed her eyes shut beneath the water?

The moment she raised her upper body for air swelling up to the end of her throat, a voice that was both unfamiliar and familiar rang in her ears.

“Saintess!”

What was that sound she was hearing now? She knew the owner of this voice.

‘Lady Shallen!’

‘Lady Shallen, did you hear that story?! The rumor that the next Saintess is going to be you, Lady Shallen!’

‘Lady Shallen Melissa, congratulations on becoming the Saintess. Truly, sincerely!’

The person who had always followed her around, cheering for her and giving her strength.

The person who had sincerely congratulated her on the day she became the Saintess.

Was it because the hot steam filled the bathroom that she came to mind? Was all of this an illusion she had created?

She opened her eyes and softly called the woman’s name.

“……Amy?”

The woman whose voice it was brushed aside the hazy mist billowing thickly and came closer to her before speaking.

“Ah, did it surprise you that I called you Saintess already?”

“What are you talking about right now…….”

“But tomorrow you will become the Saintess! So I tried calling you that in advance just once! Lady Shallen Melissa, congratulations on becoming the Saintess. Truly, sincerely!”

She slowly turned her head toward the one smiling brightly as she held her shoulders.

A woman with brown hair and dark amber eyes.

She remembered this woman. A woman she had never been able to forget.

Why was this woman here? And why was she congratulating her with words she could not understand?

“Oh my! Lady Shallen! Why are you crying? What if your eyes are swollen tomorrow!”

Before she even realized it, the woman hurriedly wiped away the tears flowing down her cheeks.

At that touch, she understood.

She had returned, to the past.

To a time before meeting him, where she had been given the chance to choose.