Not only that. Holidays are when families gather. Spending that day together meant that Ryan wanted to belong in the same group as the Surberton family—as “family.” At this indirect announcement of his marriage proposal, Eloise didn’t know how to react and avoided his gaze.

Ryan often casually dropped hints about what he wanted. At first, she would think nothing of it, but upon reflection, she would suddenly start and look back at him in surprise. Each time, he would smile mischievously, as if he had been waiting for exactly that reaction.

This time was no different. When Eloise couldn’t find words and became flustered, he cupped her cheek again. His fingers traced over the slightly reddened spots where his lips had touched, as if reviewing his work.

Eloise quietly accepted his touch. It was just his hand resting against her skin, yet her breathing quickened. Though the season had clearly turned cool, it felt like summer’s heat had returned to this spot alone, making her breath warm.

Eloise still didn’t know what she should do or how to act. This was the first time in her life she had harbored such feelings, the first time she had experienced such a situation. And this “first” refused to become familiar. No, perhaps she didn’t want it to become familiar.

Even when they were together, she wanted to be closer. If he disappeared from her sight even for a moment, her eyes would inevitably search for him. Even when she knew exactly where he was, she would find herself anxiously seeking him out.

She knew how foolish such behavior must appear. But the spring-like warmth that spread through her body the moment she saw him was more intense and addictive than the candies she had secretly eaten as a child behind her parents’ backs.

Still, she tried somehow to restrain herself. So when Ryan called for her, she would pretend not to hear, or deliberately keep their conversation brief before hurrying away.

But when she acted this way, it was Ryan who became restless and uncertain. He would whisper to her in a voice too quiet for others to hear:

“Have I done something wrong?”

He would study her face anxiously. When his broad shoulders drooped powerlessly and he looked dejected, this large man absurdly resembled a puppy waiting for her hand.

“Eloise? Where are you?”

Just then, Mrs. Surberton’s voice calling for her came from outside. At the sound, the two separated their touching bodies as if awakening from a dream.

“I should go.”

Eloise straightened her clothes in case her appearance had become disheveled, then asked him:

“My face, it doesn’t look strange, does it?”

“Beautiful as always.”

At his fearlessly brazen compliment, Eloise’s mouth fell open. Her face instantly flushed red, and she turned and fled into the hallway.

A moment later, he heard her finding her mother and the sound of them descending the stairs together.

After her footsteps had completely disappeared, Ryan sat down in a chair with a long sigh. He repeatedly ran both hands over his face.

‘What am I doing?’

He felt like the world’s greatest scoundrel. He had drawn Eloise inside away from others’ eyes and explored her.

To other dissolute men, this might seem like nothing. One needn’t look far—Richard was living this way in the capital day in and day out.

But for Ryan, such behavior fell into the category of licentiousness he had never even imagined for himself.

He knew intellectually that this wasn’t right. Eloise was the daughter of the knowledgeable Mr. Surberton, and she herself possessed excellent insight and knowledge. He ought to behave like a gentleman, showing her proper respect.

Yet the moment he saw her, with her eyes curving slightly, he couldn’t think straight.

Ryan bit his lip. He thought that even an adolescent boy would be more composed than he was. Knowing this, he should at least try to behave more properly.

He fidgeted restlessly, then looked at his hand—the hand that had just been filled with the warmth that drove him mad. He slowly brought his fingers to his lips, desperately trying to trace the remnants of her body heat.

He could only laugh bitterly at his own behavior, searching for what she had left behind. He was realizing for the first time that he had never wanted someone like this before, and that he was a man who knew no satisfaction.

Ryan had originally been someone with few desires. He barely felt even the basic needs that humans should naturally have.

That’s what made him a good soldier.

He rarely felt hunger even after starving for days, and when he walked for days without rest after receiving a mission, he didn’t particularly feel the need to sleep.

Since even his basic needs were minimal, he had never even considered harboring other desires…

“…D*mn it.”

Ryan jumped up from his seat in surprise at the feeling of blood rushing. That he couldn’t control his body’s reaction despite thinking it barbaric and vulgar.

Even as he thought this, Ryan felt self-loathing at his growing desire.

‘Was I always such a beast?’

The excellent soldier who had been skilled at everything was the world’s most clumsy fool in the face of his first love.

***

The carriages were prepared, and those heading to Blissbury boarded.

“Farewell!”

“Thank you for everything, Mrs. Parker! Mr. Palmer too!”

Though this wasn’t their first time leaving after staying in Blissbury, perhaps because there had been so many major events this year, Mrs. Parker’s eyes glistened with tears as she bid the departing guests goodbye.

Eloise waved until Blissbury was out of sight before finally sitting down. Her eyes, too, were slightly tearful.

The road to Feltham had been repaired by the engineering corps. Thanks to them, all the deep puddles created by the heavy rain had been filled, making the carriage ride completely smooth.

People chatted as they traveled along the now-peaceful road. Naturally, Ryan rode his horse beside Eloise’s carriage. In the carriage behind, Philip conversed with Abigail.

“We’re here!”

Andrew, bored by the conversation he couldn’t join, leaned out the window when Feltham came into view and could barely contain his excitement.

Andrew couldn’t take his eyes off the engineering corps’ tents outside the village and tugged at Mrs. Ogilvy’s clothes.

“When I grow up, I want to join the engineering corps.”

Mr. Ogilvy burst into laughter at those words.

“Don’t you want to be a soldier like the sergeants?”

“Umm… I don’t like guns. They’re scary. But the engineering corps builds bridges quickly! And fixes houses quickly! They’re cooler than the sergeants!”

Julia rolled her eyes at Andrew’s words.

“What nonsense! Do you know how much the sergeants suffer on the battlefield?”

Julia worriedly glanced at the three sergeants, concerned they might be offended. But all three, far from being upset, nodded as if this were perfectly natural.

“That’s a good dream. Building something is far more noble and meaningful than shooting guns to kill enemies.”

When Ryan took his side, Andrew stuck his tongue out at Julia as if to say “See?”

“The war is over now, so everyone will need to rebuild what was destroyed. You’ll be very busy when you grow up.”

When Richard also supported him, Andrew shrugged his shoulders proudly.

Meanwhile, the carriage arrived at the house. As if it were the most natural thing, Philip followed the Ogilvys’ carriage. Richard returned to the village outskirts, saying he wanted to talk with the engineering corps, and Ryan headed to Mr. Surberton’s house.

He carried Eloise’s bag into the house.

“Please, let me take it up…”

“I’ll bring it for you.”

As if her suggestion were absurd, Ryan easily carried both bags up the stairs.

He entered Eloise’s room with familiarity. She thought he would go back down immediately, but suddenly his steps halted.

After staring at one spot for a long time, he said to Eloise:

“I’ve been wanting to say this for a while.”

He glared at a portrait hanging on the wall as if it displeased him and pointed at it.

“Are you going to keep that portrait hanging?”

What he pointed to was a portrait of “Ryan Wilgrave” with blonde hair and blue eyes.