Chapter 2.16

“Why do you suddenly call me Leti?” 

She voiced something that had been on her mind for a while.

“Sometimes you call me Leti, other times Leticia, and then back to Leti again…”

Her words trailed off like a muttered soliloquy. This time, it felt as though she were talking to herself. He furrowed his brows and avoided her gaze. He didn’t answer. A faint laugh escaped her.

She had expected this. There was likely no deeper reason. It was just one of his whims. And yet, her heart had crumbled under the weight of that mere whim.

It was her fragile heart that was the problem. For now… she was still okay.

What was the big deal about a nickname, anyway?

She turned her head away from him and closed her eyes. Despite having slept for so long, sleep did not come easily. Yet, she didn’t want to open her eyes either.

“Leti, you need to eat something. I forced you to eat while you were unconscious, but still…”

She had no appetite, just as before. But as soon as he mentioned eating, her stomach reacted first. A low growl echoed.

“…I’ll bring you something to eat. Wait here for just a moment.”

He stepped out of the room. She opened her previously closed eyes and examined herself. It seemed he had taken care of her during the two months she had been unconscious. Her body felt clean and refreshed, and though she was still thin, she felt fine.

Why had he taken care of me?

Why…

The question arose, but she quickly shook her head to dismiss it. Thinking about it more would only lead her thoughts astray. And then, as before, she would foolishly misunderstand. She didn’t want to go through that again. Even if her heart didn’t cooperate, she needed to consciously reject such thoughts.

After some time, Karl Lavresion returned with a tray of food. It contained watery porridge and a steaming cup of tea. The problem was the sheer amount of porridge.

He placed the tray on the table and gently helped her sit up. She let him guide her without resistance. He scooped up a spoonful of porridge, blew on it to cool it down, and brought it to her lips.

“Here, Leti. Open your mouth.”

Although it was slightly embarrassing, she opened her mouth and accepted the food he offered. Her hungry stomach welcomed the nourishment. Unlike before, when eating anything would make her nauseous, she found it easier to swallow now, likely due to having given birth.

Without any sign of annoyance, he patiently cooled each spoonful before feeding her. She felt strange.

Again… foolishly, again…

She clenched the sheets tightly. But the sharp pain in her wrist forced her to release her grip almost immediately. She couldn’t even exert strength as she wanted.

“Your wrist has been hurting for a while, hasn’t it?”

Karl Lavresion asked. She didn’t answer and lowered her gaze. If she opened her mouth, she felt she might start complaining about how everything hurt. Even without speaking, she could imagine herself whining in her head.

“I’ll call the doctor.”

She couldn’t bring herself to refuse. After feeding her the rest of the porridge, he took the tray and left the room again. Shortly after, he returned with a doctor. It was the same doctor who had assisted during her childbirth.

Was it really okay for someone who wasn’t from Chevrem to summon a person from the Imperial Palace so freely? Had he earned that much trust from the Emperor? What kind of relationship did he have with the Emperor?

She realized she knew very little about him. Aside from the fact that he was part of Arhadan’s Imperial Family and that his mother was currently the Emperor’s most favored consort…

She didn’t know why he had come here or how long he intended to stay. He hadn’t told her, and she hadn’t dared to ask out of fear.

Still, she did know that he enjoyed and excelled at hunting.

The thought that this was all she knew about him made her chuckle bitterly. As she let out a soft laugh, the doctor, who had been taking her pulse, looked up at her, gauging her expression. She shook her head.

She stared blankly at the doctor’s white hair as he examined her. He touched her wrist and finally spoke.

“It’s tendinitis. After childbirth, your bones have weakened overall. I’ll prescribe some anti-inflammatory medication and painkillers.”

The doctor finished speaking and applied crushed herbs to both her wrists. The cool sensation and the dulling of the pain brought her some relief. It was enough to make her feel a little more at ease. She then took the prescribed medicine and drank warm water. Before leaving, the doctor strictly warned her not to lift anything heavy or make any strenuous movements.

Now, only she and Karl Lavresion were left in the room. Uncharacteristically, he remained silent.

She had many questions for him. How long he planned to stay in the Chevrem Empire, why he had brought her to the Solar Palace, how he had obtained the Emperor’s permission…

The Emperor had never once allowed her inside the Solar Palace before. The only place she had ever seen him was the house where she used to live. 

How had Karl managed to gain the Emperor’s consent?

Her lips itched to ask. She wanted to question him about everything, yet, for some reason, she couldn’t bring herself to speak. Was it pride? Or was it the fear of hearing an answer she hadn’t anticipated? She couldn’t tell. All she knew was that her words were stuck in her throat, as if something were blocking them.

Karl Lavresion, too, remained silent. The stillness stretched on. The longer the silence persisted, the more anxious she became.

‘What if…’ Negative thoughts began to surface.

What if he hadn’t sent her away because she had been bedridden? What if now that she had recovered, he would tell her to leave? What would happen to the children? What if he tried to take them away?

He had promised not to make them illegitimate. His confident tone had reassured her at the time, but now, all she felt was nervousness and unease. There wasn’t just one way to avoid making them illegitimate.

He could marry another woman and claim that Killian and Selina were her children. There was no guarantee that he wouldn’t do so. It was entirely possible.

After all, he would eventually have to return to Arhadan. And she… was a citizen of Chevrem.

Overwhelmed by anxiety, she spoke first.

“I will raise the children.”

“…”

“The twins will take my surname. Selina Evris and Killian Evris. So… don’t even think about taking them away. I won’t resent you for making them illegitimate…”

They were her children. Her children. Hers. A bond that no one could sever. If he tried to take them from her, even if he was Karl Lavresion, she wouldn’t let it happen. Gathering her strength, she glared at him. He looked stunned, his mouth slightly open.

“No, Leti, wait a moment—”

“I… I won’t stand still. If you try to take the children away from me…”

He looked at her with a bewildered expression. His unexpected reaction left her momentarily flustered. 

Why was he reacting like that? Did I say something absurd? Was my demand so outrageous that it was laughable?

“What are you talking about? Illegitimate children? I told you before, didn’t I? I would never make them illegitimate.”

Karl Lavresion pressed his hand to his forehead as he continued.

“Of course, I’ll take responsibility—for you and the children.”

As soon as he finished speaking, her confusion doubled. 

Take responsibility? For me and the children?

Did that mean he was proposing marriage?

To me?

It was unbelievable. She was the daughter of a mistress and, at least on paper, the daughter of a baron. Yet he was a member of Arhadan’s Imperial Family. The difference between them was staggering. Even his mother would oppose it. Everyone would criticize them—not just her, but Karl Lavresion as well.

Although she loved him, she had never dared to hope for marriage. She hadn’t even thought it possible.

“Why?”

“What do you mean, why? Obviously…”

He trailed off and simply gazed at her. His golden eyes flickered. She met his gaze briefly, then bit her lip and lowered her head as her chest rose and fell with emotion.

Stupid Leticia Evris. 

She shouldn’t let herself be swayed by such shallow feelings anymore.

Hadn’t he said it himself? Love wasn’t something noble. It was just a fleeting emotion that would eventually change. He had told her not to cling to something so trivial.

She couldn’t allow herself to do that anymore. She couldn’t let herself hope again. She couldn’t misunderstand.

She couldn’t allow any feelings to take root. She had to act as if she didn’t care. She didn’t want to hope and then despair again. She didn’t want to be rejected again.

She didn’t want to believe, only to be hurt even worse…

Even if he said he would take responsibility for her, she couldn’t be sure that happiness would follow. In the Emperor and her mother, she saw a glimpse of what her future with Karl Lavresion might look like.

The Emperor had only ever had children with her mother among all his mistresses. Everyone said her mother was special. The Empress despised both her and her mother and would sometimes visit to threaten her mother to leave the Emperor. But her mother would only grow more arrogant, insisting that the Emperor truly “loved” her.

But was that really love?

Whenever the Emperor visited, he would ignore Leticia and only take her mother’s body before leaving. Each time, her mother would cry, sometimes blame her, and other times hold her tightly as if she were precious.

Maybe the Emperor had been different at first. Maybe he had whispered sweet words like Karl Lavresion. Perhaps that was why her mother had believed in him and given birth to her.

Her mother had probably been certain at first that the Emperor loved her. Even if that certainty faded over time.

Still, the Emperor had never forgotten her mother, even as he replaced countless other mistresses. Because of this, gossips claimed her mother was the Emperor’s one true love. Both her mother and Leticia had clung to that belief despite their insecurities.

But in the end, even what they believed to be love had come to an end.

Love…

She knew how shallow it could be.

And yet, she kept hoping and hoping.

People didn’t change easily. The girl who had cried for her parents’ love as a child had grown up in body but remained the same inside.

Stupid Leticia Evris.

But she swore, she would never live like her mother…

She wouldn’t make the same choices as her mother. If she did, she would end up just as broken…

‘You and I are all we have, Leti.’

At least her mother hadn’t lied about that.