Chapter 3.7

“Leticia, don’t deceive your own feelings.” 

Mia said. Leticia shook her head.

“If I do, I’ll end up like my mother.”

“…”

“I’m scared, Mia. I’m afraid of trusting him, of loving him, only to be abandoned… to be hurt.”

Mia stood up and placed a hand on her shoulder. When Leticia lifted her bowed head, she saw Mia smiling faintly.

“That’s what love is, Leticia.”

For a moment, she was at a loss for words.

“Love isn’t beautiful, Leticia.”

“…”

“It’s about pain, sadness, and constant worry. All of that is part of love.”

“But… what if I end up like my mother? What if I’m abandoned?”

“Do you think that man would abandon you so heartlessly?”

After the lake incident, Karl had grown cold toward her and hadn’t visited her for months. From her perspective, it was as though she had been abandoned. She had been hurt and devastated because of him.

Even so, he wasn’t like the Emperor. She could tell from the way he looked at her and his actions. His gaze was different from how the Emperor looked at her mother. His behavior was different from the way the Emperor had taken her mother’s body and left. Whenever she looked at him… she always fell into the illusion that he loved her.

But was it really just an illusion?

Thud. Her mind reeled. Perhaps it wasn’t an illusion.

His nose pressing against her neck to take in her scent after their intimacy. The way he smiled at her at the villa. The trembling in his eyes every time he looked at her. The sharp voice that questioned her when he visited after a long absence. His large hands that cared for her and fed her porridge as he nursed her back to health. All the things he did to make her feel better.

Could all of that have been an illusion?

‘Leti, I want you to feel better… but I don’t know what to do. So, will you tell me? Tell me what I should do?’

His subdued smile and slumped shoulders.

‘Leti, wait… I’m sorry. I regret what happened back then. I just… I didn’t know how to handle myself when I saw you. I felt uncomfortable, even scared. That’s why…’

His hands trembling aimlessly as he spoke.

‘I brought this on myself.’

His broken voice.

Finally, his empty eyes as he looked at her while saying goodbye.

Could all of that have been an illusion?

Without realizing it, she covered her mouth with her hand. Her heart began to race as if it were about to leap out of her chest. Before she knew it, her tears had stopped.

“Leticia, do what your heart wants. You won’t end up like your mother.”

Mia said with a smile.

Still covering her mouth, Leticia felt the pounding of her heart. It wasn’t from anxiety or nervousness. She closed her eyes tightly against the emotions rising within her.

That day, as soon as Mia left, she picked up a pen. She wrote something brief.

「When are you leaving?」

That was the entirety of the letter. She placed it in an envelope and sent it via the fastest post. Her trembling had subsided. She looked around her home, gazing at her sleeping children.

Perhaps she might have to leave this house.

***

The date for returning to Arhadan had been set. Hans didn’t know whether to be happy or upset about it.

It was certainly good news. Yet, it didn’t feel entirely joyous. Something about it left him uneasy.

Ronan, who had just been released from prison a few days ago, looked like half a man, having lost a significant amount of weight. On top of that, he had been excluded from all duties, leaving him in a limbo-like state. Hans clicked his tongue as he glanced at Ronan.

“Ugh.”

“Sigh…”

Ronan buried his face in his hands. Upon returning to Arhadan, he would be thrown out of the Imperial City along with the luggage. He was utterly ruined. How could he explain to his family, whom he hadn’t seen in ages, that he’d been fired? Internally, Ronan let out a fierce cry.

“Have you prepared for departure?”

“Yes, my luggage is all packed…”

He didn’t want to leave, but the thought of what awaited him back in Arhadan made him dread the return even more. He wished he could go back in time and force himself to stay in his position.

While Hans and Ronan were immersed in their respective thoughts, the other Arhadan people were in a festive mood about the return.

Hans sighed again as a knock sounded at the door. He turned his head toward it.

“A letter has arrived from Leticia Evris.”

At those words, Hans let out a near-scream and snatched the letter from the knight. Ronan’s jaw dropped.

Hans nearly tore the envelope as he hurriedly opened it to read the contents. His expression turned strange as soon as he saw it.

“That’s all there is…?”

The letter consisted of a single line.

「When are you leaving?」

Hans looked around the floor, checking to see if he had dropped any additional pages, and even inspected the empty envelope. That was truly all there was.

Hans recalled the letter he had sent. Nowhere in it had he mentioned anything about leaving for Arhadan. Yet, Leticia Evris had replied as though she already knew about the departure. 

Could it be that the Lord had visited Leticia Evris?

With just one line, it was impossible to discern what Leticia Evris was thinking. He could only make vague guesses.

They were set to leave in three days. Time was extremely tight. Hans groaned and picked up a pen. Then, he waved Ronan away.

“You should leave. And try to stay holed up in your room as much as possible.”

“…Hans, must you treat me like this? Do you not understand how much I suffered in that underground prison?”

“That’s one thing, and this is another. You should stop concerning yourself with our lord’s affairs. Focus on your future life under surveillance.”

Hans’s stern tone left Ronan no choice but to leave reluctantly. Hans, clutching his head in frustration, spent a long time deliberating before quickly writing a reply to Leticia Evris. He instructed his squire to deliver the letter to Leticia Evris in Hennel immediately.

***

Leticia didn’t want to close the café she had started with her own efforts. So, she entrusted it to Mia. Though Mia initially declined several times, citing childcare and household responsibilities, she eventually accepted the offer, revealing her own ambitions. Leticia agreed to share a portion of the profits and left the café entirely in Mia’s hands.

The luggage for departure was packed. Tomorrow at 3 PM, he would leave for Arhadan. There wasn’t much time left. As soon as dawn broke tomorrow, she planned to head toward Rebram.

She gazed silently at the sleeping children. The children probably wouldn’t remember Karl Lavresion.

“Sigh…”

She let out a sigh and lay down to sleep as well. If she wanted to wake up early, she had to sleep early.

As she closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep, a strange sense of unease crept in. It felt as if someone was watching her… It was the same gaze she had felt a few times before. She opened her eyes and looked around. Only darkness surrounded her; there was nothing to be seen.

A peculiar certainty struck her. She abruptly stood up and hurried toward the door. She flung it open and shouted.

“Karl!”

She closed the door behind her and looked around. There was only one streetlamp nearby. Relying on its faint light, she cautiously moved her steps.

“Karl!”

Because she had hastily slipped on her shoes, her steps were unsteady. After walking a few steps, her foot caught on a protruding stone.

“Ah!”

As she was about to fall, someone caught and steadied her. She didn’t need to look to know who it was.

When she turned her head, his face was clearly visible even in the darkness. As soon as their eyes met, he flinched and let go of her arm, stepping back.

The light from the streetlamp spilled beneath him. His cheeks looked hollow, as if he had lost a significant amount of weight since the last time they parted. She stepped closer to him as he retreated. As the distance between them narrowed, he lowered his gaze.

“…Sorry. I just wanted to see your face for a moment.”

He offered an awkward excuse. By now, she knew that he tended to make clumsy lies when he was flustered or trying to avoid a situation.

“Don’t lie.”

As she spoke, he flinched again, just like before. His downcast eyes slowly lifted.

“It’s true. I… just wanted to see your face and leave, but…”

Karl Lavresion stopped mid-sentence. Their eyes met, and his face twisted in anguish. Before long, he turned his head away.

“…Tomorrow, I’ll leave Chevrem.”

She already knew. Without replying, she simply looked at him.