Deep Boredom - Part 1

The season that was hanging in the crevices has finally transitioned.

Vellium is located in the northern part of the world, it had short springs and summers, while autumns and winters were longer in duration. As a result, the wind that enveloped the entire empire was consistently chilly.

After passing through the lost spring and the endlessly sought-after summer, they finally reached the desolate and tinted autumn.

Just as the colder air began to blow, the Duchy of Cecilion busied themselves from morning onwards to welcome their lord. Although he put on a convincing act for the public eye, the inhabitants of the mansion were well aware that he had embarked on this journey to find what he had lost in the spring. For this reason, even though he hadn’t been to the raging battlefield, those who awaited him were particularly tense.

Eventually, the massive gate opened, and a strong gust of wind swept through, causing the black flag hanging from the mast to flutter. Everyone, including the butler and the servants, bowed in unison towards the figure revealing itself in the distance. Bathed in the glaring sunlight, Chedev descended from his horse.

“Master, it is fortunate that you have returned unharmed.”

With a curt greeting, the butler lifted his head and flinched at the atmosphere exuded by his master standing before him. Chedev passed by without uttering a word to him. Unknowingly, the butler swallowed hard.

Since the Duke was a nobleman, such formal greetings had become commonplace over the centuries, particularly when he returned from arduous expeditions. However, the expression on Chedev’s face, encountered today, was incomparable to those strenuous moments. Just from that, the butler could surmise that he had failed in his mission to find the cherished item.

Click, clack.

The corridor Chedev strode through inexplicably felt cold. It was solely due to the suffocating atmosphere he emitted. The attendants trailing behind him all felt a discomfort akin to a thorn lodged in their throats. It was as if they were treading on thin ice that could shatter at any moment.

Without paying attention to anyone, he headed straight for the bedroom. With a thud, the butler let out a belated sigh in front of the closed bedroom door. Concern emanated from his tired, wrinkled face.

Due to the five months spent in a foreign land, the Duke was well aware that he didn’t even have time to rest in his bedroom at this moment. This was also the reason why his personal aide, Onyx, was anxiously pacing about, unlike any other day. He knew that, but he couldn’t bring himself to rush, because the expression on his master’s face when he descended from his horse still lingered in his eyes.

The hand that had been raised to knock eventually fell to the ground. The butler quietly turned around. It was because he felt that he needed a day to release the pent-up resentment before conveying to the aide that he would need some time. It already felt like the despairing cry of Onyx was echoing in his ears.

Meanwhile.

As Chedev entered the bedroom, he headed straight for the bed. His gaze, fixed on the bed that was always neatly arranged even in his absence, sank to the bottomless depths. It had been a long time since the golden sheets, once described as shining like jewels, lost their luster.

It was time to stop. He thought, but he still habitually smoothed the sheets.

‘You came all the way here just to find a concubine?’

The expression Camilla made when she saw him came vividly to his mind. It was a clear expression of surprise and bewilderment.

That was five months ago.

Even when Chedev had just arrived in Tigris, he was fine. The comfort that came with a relieved heart, knowing that there was hope for Rasha to be here like a sprouting seed.

‘She’ll be here. She wasn’t in Vellium, and the pickpocket said they saw her headed this way.’

Yet, amidst all that, he learned the fact that even a few precious jewels she had taken with her small hands were all taken away. He couldn’t express his anxiety as he wondered if she was experiencing unnecessary hardship somewhere, trembling in fear.

With the knights he brought not being enough, Chedev himself went out every day from the early morning hours until past midnight, repeating the process of rounding up and examining every black-haired woman resembling Rasha or having a similar figure, only to be disappointed time and time again.

‘Now that I see you, you’re the same old rascal.’

Camilla, who had become indebted to him during that process, quickly realized the identity of the person he was blindly searching for.

‘The commoner your father tried so hard to keep away from you.’

‘…..’

‘Did she manage to escape from you?’

Her straightforward nature that had no filter when speaking remained the same even after their marriage. Chedev, who also possessed a similar personality to her, couldn’t easily refute her words. It wasn’t entirely untrue. If Rasha was really here, she had come this far to avoid being caught by him.

If only she could be found here.

If they were to meet again, have a conversation, and pour out the feelings buried deep inside without even having to say a word, everything could return to how it used to be. The distorted relationship could be restored.

However, his determination began to waver as the search entered its second month. Tigris was an empire like Vellium, but the land was much smaller. Although it was difficult for a foreigner and outsider like Rasha to find a place to hide, even here, there was no progress in finding her. Not even the slightest clue was visible.

The flicker of hope that had barely lifted its head was swallowed up by a black, desperate heart.

It was around that time when the tattered handkerchief started to bring about distress once again.

In retrospect, there was no evidence anywhere that Rasha had safely arrived here. Possibilities laden with danger were scattered everywhere. Was it possible that something had gone terribly wrong on her way here, or perhaps after she arrived? Maybe even before she came…

As his thoughts spiraled endlessly, he felt himself going insane. He was experiencing firsthand the meaning of the saying ‘a child’s patience runs out.’

He had spent six months like that. Relentlessly, he had searched the neighboring countries of Tigris with determination and without delay. It took more than two months longer than expected. It had been five months since he had wandered through foreign lands in search of Rasha.

Now, not even receiving an urgent message that made it clear he couldn’t leave was enough to make Rasha show herself. The conclusion drawn from the unfavorable situation brought him to the brink of frustration and regret.

Rasha might be in trouble.

The anxiety that had been suppressed by catching the pickpocket began to devour him once again, like waves crashing. His heart trembled and pounded like stepping on a sandy beach. Until the day he finally turned back without gaining any results from Tigris and the neighboring countries, and even now that he had returned here.

“…..”

He stood motionless like a stone statue, then suddenly collapsed onto the bed. With a rustling sound, the coldness of the bed enveloped his entire body. However, his heart, which had long been submerged in a chilling abyss, didn’t even flinch.

‘Knowing well that there’s nowhere to go.’

Throughout his return to this place, which had been their haven, he couldn’t shake off the sense of guilt.

He had driven her away. That was an undeniable fact. And so, Rasha disappeared, and she hasn’t been found anywhere. No matter how you looked at it, this was not considered a signal that she was safe.

‘She’s already weak enough…’

When the weather became hot, she couldn’t regain her strength, and when the weather turned cold, she occasionally suffered from indigestion, and Chedev himself had to rub her belly to soothe her. If she caught a cold, she would be bedridden for a week, completely helpless.

Chedev knew this better than anyone, having spent a long time watching over her.

‘Knowing that there’s no one else…..’

Chedev, who had practically been born with everything, had naturally experienced a life with many choices. But Rasha couldn’t. From the moment she became entwined with him, she never had any other option but Chedev.

Chedev found it to be happiness. Even if someone called it selfish, he couldn’t hide that true intention. Leaving everything behind and making himself the sole compass to navigate the path of life was not only satisfying but also pleasurable.

And he had confidence. Confidence that he wouldn’t regret such a choice. He would be able to give her the love that matched what she carried. This relationship was something that Chedev had also dreamed of, a relationship that would never change.

However, without his knowledge, a tainted boredom had shaken that determination. The swamp-like emotions were so subtle and quiet that even the person themselves didn’t know. Despite slowly creeping in from head to toe, they remained oblivious, with their gaze unaffected. There was no awakening. After realizing it, they couldn’t erase the traces that had already appeared on their toes, as if scolding their own mistakes. The dirty soil remained nestled in their weary heart, pushing them into suffering and torment.

Being immersed in familiarity was such a frightening thing.

On the other hand, it was clear to Rasha, who had made Chedev her sole compass. Since that decision had brought things to this point, everything was his fault. Chedev lay there as if dead, with his arms covering his eyes. The absence of Rasha and even worse, the terrible imagination and regrets, made him feel powerless and weak.

In the abandoned bedroom, there was no one, absolutely no one, except for the oppressive silence that lingered.