Chapter 84

For the first time, Helio became unfamiliar and frightening to Sabina.

She knew she could never fully control him, nor did she ever intend to. But she never imagined he would use magic on her.

In the end, the only person she could rely on in times like this was Ashton. Even though she felt foolish, she couldn’t help but, as Helio had predicted, go to Ashton.

She only thought maybe Ashton could break Helio’s magic after she arrived.

The doorbell rang nervously. A man’s silhouette briefly appeared in the second-floor window. Sabina anxiously fiddled with the beak of her Albatross cane.

Soon, Ashton came down himself.

“Miss D’Vialis.”

As soon as the door opened, Sabina rushed into his arms.

“What’s wrong?”

A soft, cool voice sounded above her head. Sabina, startled, tried to cling to his back but stopped.

The voice sounded like noise.

Sabina flinched and stepped away. Ashton frowned at her awkward manner.

“Sabina.”

She gritted her teeth.

“Don’t call my name.”

Her voice was sharp and biting. Ashton frowned and stared at her.

Suddenly, murderous intent surged. That clueless expression. She was suffering. It was because of him. Because of Helio.

‘I want to kill you.’

Sabina’s jaw quivered.

‘I want to kill you…’

“What’s wrong?”

She was sick of that question. Helio had asked it, and Ashton asked it too.

“Don’t you know? You two take turns tormenting me!”

Sabina was unusually irritable. Ashton flinched. It was the first time she’d shown such raw annoyance. Since the autumn trip, she’d always just acted spoiled and clung to him when upset…

Sabina, still within arm’s reach, shoved Ashton. He didn’t stumble dramatically, but stepped back out of courtesy, watching her actions.

The tip of her Albatross cane pointed at Ashton.

She was trying to keep her distance.

“Don’t come near me.”

Ashton raised his hands slowly in surrender, trying to figure out the situation. In the next moment, Sabina dropped her cane and reached out.

“No, hold me.”

It was an incomprehensible whim. As Ashton hesitated and lowered his hands, Sabina’s voice turned sharp again.

“No, go away right now. I want to go home.”

“Sabina!”

Ashton shouted, as if to snap her out of it, grabbing her. Sabina shook her head violently and shook off his arms. Her fine hair stuck to her hot breath. She felt she might faint. She was more confused than ever.

More than when Ashton shouted at her to use time magic. More than when she realized Ashton was Helio from the mismatched timeline.

He tried to put his hand on Sabina’s cheek, intending to read her memories. Sensing his intent, Sabina suddenly bit his hand.

“Ow…”

Ashton groaned and pulled his hand back.

“Don’t use magic on me!”

Sabina screamed hysterically.

“All right. All right. You’re about to faint. Calm down. Don’t forget to breathe.”

Breathing wasn’t the issue. Ashton was trying to use magic on her again. After Helio, now him!

“Crazy bastard…”

Even curses spilled from Sabina’s mouth. At this point, Ashton could roughly guess what was happening.

“Helio, right? Helio cast magic on you, didn’t he?”

“Don’t ask! It’s disgusting.”

Sabina cursed again, then knelt and crawled on the floor. As for Helio’s magic, Ashton’s assessment was accurate. Helio was growing quickly, but not at the speed Ashton wanted.

His magic was incomplete.

More precisely, he lacked the skill to wield it.

If Helio truly wanted Sabina to hate Ashton, he should have overlaid feelings of hatred while erasing her sense of connection and comfort toward him. But Helio hadn’t thought that far.

“This isn’t my feeling. I don’t want to hate. I didn’t hate… Suddenly… Suddenly like this.”

But, but…

She ended up curled up on the floor, sobbing.

Inside, hatred and affection kept clashing. The forces of both emotions surged to the surface and sank again and again. And she still feared losing Ashton.

She was resisting hatred.

“Ah, ah…”

Sabina groaned like an animal.

What made her fear loss, what made her resist hatred—

Sabina fiercely grabbed the dry grass with her hands. Gravel dug under her nails, stinging her fingertips. Thick tears fell onto the back of her hand.

A conclusion was reached.

“I love you.”

In the end, it was love.

As punishment for taking another’s body, she became someone who could no longer feel passion or excitement, but she could only define that feeling as love.

The hatred that had gnawed at her became sweet in an instant.

Without even brushing off the dirt from her clothes, she staggered to her feet. Ashton quickly approached to support her. Sabina grabbed his shirt collar.

She pressed her lips to his, somewhat roughly.

A physiological disgust surged within her. She wanted to push this man away and spit in his face. But even more powerful was the urge to suppress that hatred.

If this wasn’t love, then what was it?

A passion she hadn’t felt for so long swept over her whole body. Ah, it wasn’t directed at Ashton—it was directed at hatred itself. Sabina could feel passion, albeit indirectly.

Focusing all her nerves on tearing off and trampling the hatred that climbed up her spine and threatened to choke her was a kind of blind devotion to her lover.

She hadn’t been able to love anyone for so long. But through the sudden hatred that overwhelmed her, she could prove she loved someone fiercely.

Sabina kissed and cried. She was so sad, so hurt, so happy.

In that moment, she forgot Ashton was destined to die soon, and she forgot the shock that Helio had tried to control her mind.

Just as Ashton had, just as Helio had, Sabina realized:

Sometimes, destruction is the highest ecstasy.

She laughed as if coughing, then suddenly changed her attitude, burying her face in Ashton’s chest and crying like a child. Ashton hugged her tightly with a breathless expression. Sabina endlessly whispered words of love.

“I hoped you wouldn’t love me.”

Ashton couldn’t deny Sabina’s words, just as on that rainy day. Her every word, gesture, and glance proved she truly loved him. He had no way to deny the overwhelming emotion.

She had never tried to resist contempt and disgust toward Reyes. But every time she saw Ashton, she wanted to resist the hatred boiling up.

“I wanted to love you.”

Sabina couldn’t escape the complicated swamp of emotions that sank her, mocking her previously calm demeanor.

She whispered curses and words of love alternately, as if a dam had burst.

Ashton agreed with everything she said.

“I wish you’d die.”

“Yes.”

“Your death would be liberation.”

“Yes.”

“No, but I still wish you’d live.”

There was no answer to that for quite a while. He couldn’t give her a positive response. Sabina fumbled around Ashton’s neck and shoulders, panting. With red, numb hands, he lifted her and carried her upstairs. Sabina hit him with her fists, seeing through his obvious attempt to buy time. It didn’t hurt at all.

Ashton sat Sabina in an armchair in front of the fireplace. He thought maybe he could answer now, but he pointlessly shoved more logs into the already burning fire. Tears glistened in his eyes, reflecting the yellow and red flames.

“…Yes.”

He loved Sabina, too. He surrendered to love. Instead of completing Helio’s magic, he embraced the love Sabina gave him. It was a sweet poison.

Sabina laughed, tears streaming from her eyes as well.

That’s why their ending was bound to be the worst.

* * *

From that day, Sabina didn’t return home. She willingly surrendered herself to passion. She was like a completely different person.

Like someone awakened to something, she stayed by Ashton’s side from morning till night. Ashton didn’t refuse it—in fact, he seemed to want it too.

On the surface, Sabina was much more fervent. She had nothing left to lose, so she had nothing to hold back.

Unfortunately, Helio didn’t achieve his purpose in casting magic on his master. Hatred became the key to recognizing love, and the boy’s name couldn’t wedge itself into Sabina’s mind at all. He might be seen as a cold guardian, but it couldn’t be helped. It was irresistible.

Living with Ashton, she realized his illness had worsened much more than during their trip.

Ashton tried to live his daily life as if nothing was wrong, but clues of his deterioration appeared everywhere.

First, his vision narrowed. Sabina was speechless for a moment when she saw Ashton’s calves and forearms covered with dark bruises. He was often bumping into furniture or stair railings.

Second, he slept more. He went to bed earlier and woke up later than Sabina. He seemed to sleep three hours more than in autumn. One morning, Sabina was terrified when Ashton didn’t wake up—she thought he was dead.

She only relaxed when he finally woke up after she shook him frantically.

The fact that Ashton was constantly plunging toward death evoked mixed feelings in Sabina.

The hatred Helio had planted made her wish for his death to come quickly.

But the affection Sabina originally had made her wish Ashton would miraculously overturn fate and live long.

It was a futile hope.