“Saena. You’re awake.”

Her still drowsy eyes seemed to be trying to assess the situation while looking at him.

“You have a cold with fever. You had quite a high temperature. You’ve been sick for a full day.”

“Ah…”

“Are you dizzy?”

“I think… I’m okay.”

“That’s good.”

Thinking she should eat now that she was awake, Constantine pulled the bell cord.

Soon after, food arrived.

While setting up the meal consisting of foods easy for a patient to eat beside Saena, Constantine attended to her.

It reminded him of that time during the heavy snow. When she ate whatever he gave her like a baby bird.

After finishing the meal and giving Saena her medicine, he tucked her into bed.

Suddenly he noticed the hair on her forehead was wet and tangled. He couldn’t tell if this was from the wet cloth that had been placed there or from fever sweats.

“Do you still feel feverish?”

So he asked.

But Saena looked up at him with strange eyes and answered.

“You could check and find out, couldn’t you?”

“……”

“Ah, did you hate touching me?”

He was flustered by Saena’s tone, which came out like a sigh.

“I must look terrible right now, right?”

“…No. You’re still… pretty.”

“Then… will you kiss me?”

And he became even more flustered.

He couldn’t understand at all how the request for a ‘kiss’ came from their previous conversation.

But Saena’s expression was surprisingly serious.

“You don’t want to?”

“…That’s not it.”

“We really… have no hope, do we?”

He saw a bitter smile like resignation form on her lips. His heart seemed to throb painfully.

“…You will hate me.”

Even then, why was it so hard to take his eyes off those lips forming that bitter smile?

“When you learn… what was exchanged for those brief kisses…”

“What was exchanged?”

“……”

Your health, your life, and your lifespan.

But unable to say it out loud, he just opened and closed his mouth.

Then suddenly Saena sat up.

“Even if it’s something tremendous, if I won’t regret it right now…”

Then she grabbed his shoulders. Though the grabbed area flinched, Constantine barely succeeded in not pushing her away.

“What should I do?”

Saena grabbed his shoulders and brought her face right up to his.

Close enough that their breaths would mingle if their lips moved even slightly.

“……”

‘You… shouldn’t do this.’

But this too remained unspoken.

Eventually, her lips touched his.

The rough edge of her slightly chapped lips from the fever scratched against his, making his scalp tingle.

A violently strong desire ran down his spine. It was such a powerful impulse that numbness spread through his core. He felt an unconscious urge to grab her and pin her beneath him.

Constantine desperately clenched his fists to suppress that impulse. His nails dug into his palms, but that was better.

Though his brain felt like it was burning from the explosive impulse, he endured it.

The kiss was neither long nor deep.

It brushed against him briefly before pulling away, as if solely intended to test whether he would avoid or not.

Yet he was willing, and because he was willing, he also felt despair.

‘I…’

Finally, he realized.

‘I can’t do it.’

By willpower alone, it was difficult to pull away from her.

He simply couldn’t refuse her.

When she touched him, when she came close, he… just wanted to surrender everything.

He knew he was a bastard. But what couldn’t be done, couldn’t be done.

He didn’t want her to hate him.

Just imagining her looking at him with wary eyes was horrifying.

“…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to torment you, but I keep…”

Saena ran her hand through her hair, seemingly confused by her own actions.

“Hah…”

But look.

Who was becoming more confused, more troubled, because of his selfishness of not wanting to be hated by her.

He… needed to make his position clear.

“How are your injuries?”

Even then, Saena worried about his wounds.

“Yesterday… I heard you were injured, so I came in without permission. I did apply medicine though…”

“…Thank you.”

Constantine expressed his gratitude.

‘If I hadn’t been injured, she wouldn’t have needed to touch me…’

He got injured again because of the appearance of antlered demonic beasts. Three of them at once, even.

If he hadn’t trained to handle Morev and Caligo separately after the previous incident with two simultaneous appearances, it could have been truly dangerous. Though he managed to defeat them, he couldn’t avoid injury.

It was the worst injury he’d received from hunting demonic beasts in recent years, which was somewhat embarrassing and wounded his pride, but his pride wouldn’t heal his wounds.

At least since it wasn’t a back wound, he could avoid Caligo’s blood-drinking, though it still went wild in his head, crazed by the smell of blood.

— Master! Since you’re already bleeding, let me drink some! Please! Pleeeease! Pleeeeeeease~!

He returned in that state.

And immediately upon return, he saw Saena in the arms of a guard knight…

— Oh, master! Look at your wife’s wet hair! The atmosphere with the knight is strange, isn’t it? Is this finally an affair?!

Though he knew it was Caligo’s nonsense, perhaps due to his weakened state, terrible images invaded his mind.

The knight’s cloak wrapped around her body.

Her wet, disheveled hair.

Her slightly flushed cheeks and lips contrasting with her white skin.

Without realizing it, the worst images began to consume his mind.

“Sir… my husband turns away from me.”

“My lady. Don’t be sad. I will be your strength.”

The unsettling imagination of Saena finding comfort in her kind(?) knight while pushing aside his now useless self.

Though he knew it was just trash imagination occurring only in his head, a strange murderous intent surged up making him feel like he would go crazy. Feeling like he might go berserk, he left quickly without even thinking of greeting her.

‘And then I seem to have lost consciousness…’

To wake up with her in his arms…

Somehow he seemed to enjoy such luxury every time he got injured.

What words were needed when he felt he could endure even worse injuries if it meant being able to greet the morning with her as compensation?

His entire body craved her like an addict.

He could no longer trust his own will.

In the end… he had to confess.

So that she would avoid… keep her distance from contact with him.

Rather… make her hate him…

Constantine had to finally accept what felt like the end of the world while barely containing his numbing emotions.

“Saena.”

Constantine straightened his posture, tensing his entire body.

“I have… something to tell you.”

His muscles stood taut with tension. Cold sweat broke out as he faced confessions that would come out like death sentences. Though it felt like putting his head on the guillotine block and waiting, he swallowed dryly and steeled himself.

“Something to tell me?”

“Yes…”

If possible, he wanted to hide it until the end.

He never wanted to be someone who could harm her. Not just harm—he didn’t want to give her even the slightest disappointment.

But what was the reality?

‘I’m a being who steals her life force for my own wellbeing, eats away at her lifespan, and could kill her.’

In short, he was no different from a parasite.

‘Probably…’

The look in her eyes when she gazed at him would soon change.

Being seen as creepy would be getting off lightly. In the worst case, he might receive contempt, condemnation, and hatred.

Just imagining it made his blood run cold.

But imagining her death was even more horrifying.

So he had no choice.

Since this cursed body simply couldn’t push her away… he had to let her know so she could avoid him herself.

‘In the end…’

There was no way to protect her while keeping Caligo’s secret hidden.

There was no way to maintain a good relationship with her without touching her at all.

No way to avoid being hated by her either.

Her affection and her life.

He had to accept now that he couldn’t have both.

“The reason why I must not touch you.”

“……”

“You wanted to know, didn’t you?”

The moment of truth had arrived.

* * *