Chapter 92

“Did something happen?”  

Usher softly stroked Eleanor’s hand as he asked. Eleanor, who had been lost in thought and barely blinking, startled and turned to look at Usher.  

“Finally, you’re looking at me now.”  

Usher smiled gently. Eleanor, feeling a bit embarrassed, leaned her head against Usher’s shoulder. She was already half-resting her body against his upper torso.  

“What’s bothering you so much that you’re so deeply lost in thought? You said you just came back from school.”  

His large hand covered Eleanor’s hand. Despite the warm weather, his gentle warmth wasn’t overwhelming or uncomfortable.  

“I’ve been worrying about something that’s not entirely in my control.”  

“Tell me. I’ll listen. They say sharing worries cuts them in half.”  

Usher raised one hand and lightly tapped Eleanor’s lips with his index finger. Eleanor chuckled softly at his playful urging.  

“Professor Adlen suggested that it would be good to propose a bill preventing children with disabilities from being admitted to mental institutions.”  

Wasn’t that good news? 

Usher slightly raised his eyebrows as he pondered.  

“But it seems that due to limited ways to approach politicians, he wants the support of the Claven Duchy.”  

The moment Eleanor mentioned the words “Claven Duchy,” her gaze shifted to Usher. As expected, Usher’s expression darkened upon hearing about the Claven Duchy.  

“But I can’t contact His Grace.”  

Eleanor quickly spoke up, trying to prevent any misunderstandings Usher might have.  

“So I was thinking about how I could help.”  

She considered approaching the families she had met at the banquet held to celebrate the King’s birthday. The Queen had shown a positive response to the matter, so asking for her help wouldn’t be a bad idea. However, Eleanor couldn’t shake the thought that the Queen’s goodwill was directed at the “future Duchess of Claven,” not her personally, which prolonged her worries.  

“Logan is…”  

Usher sighed deeply before continuing.  

“He’s someone who will surely take responsibility for what he’s committed to doing.”  

Eleanor nodded. Logan was a man with strong responsibility, something Eleanor already knew well. If she conveyed the message, Logan would surely agree to help.  

“But I don’t want to suggest contacting Logan.”  

However, she couldn’t bring herself to do that. Usher wouldn’t like it, and Eleanor herself felt ashamed. After leaving him behind, how could she now ask him for a favor?  

“More than anything, the fact that Logan harbored feelings for you, my lover, and tried to seize the opportunity to win you over while I wasn’t around—it always makes me uncomfortable.”  

“…Usher.”  

“I feel betrayed.”  

Usher confessed honestly. Eleanor looked at him with a troubled expression, feeling that it was her fault.  

“Even if you didn’t give him your heart, it’s just that I’m narrow-minded.”  

Usher forced a smile as he spoke, trying to lighten the heavy atmosphere.  

“I’ll look into it. My father might have connections too.”  

Eleanor nodded. Her attitude showed that she wouldn’t do anything Usher disliked. Even if she felt anxious and uneasy, she wouldn’t think of anything related to Logan, let alone act on it.  

“For now, let’s go out. You haven’t forgotten we planned to watch a performance, right?”  

“Of course I remember.”  

Eleanor stood up from Usher’s arms and reached out her hand to him. Usher grabbed her hand with a delighted expression and got up from the sofa.  

“You’ll like it too. I heard it’s a very popular play these days.”  

***

Usher had reserved tickets to a play that Eleanor realized was the same performance she had seen at the charity bazaar hosted by the Claven Duchy. Of course, Eleanor was not foolish enough to mention this, so she quietly swallowed her words.

“How could you do this to me!”  

The female protagonist, Alice, cried out, her voice trembling with anguish, as if recalling a memory from long ago.  

“I’m sorry, Alice. But my real love was Eva.”  

Alice’s lover confessed his betrayal, and at the same time, the veins on the back of Usher’s hand, gripping the armrest of his seat, stood out prominently.  

“Traitor! May you fall into the hellfire…!”  

The curse that followed shook the stage. In despair, Alice attempted to kill everyone and commit s*icide at the end of the play, but she failed. A passing middle-aged man saved her and offered her advice.  

He told her that being consumed by negative emotions was foolish, that one must accept what has already changed and moved on. He said that as one continues to walk forward, they will eventually encounter something new.  

“It’s sad.”  

As the curtain fell, Usher murmured softly.  

Ultimately, Alice accepted the advice, let go of her feelings of betrayal, and left the village. Although the light pouring down on Alice’s head symbolized a hopeful future for her life, it seemed insufficient to some extent.  

“The ending where the female protagonist simply accepts everything and retreats feels unsatisfying.”  

Usher expressed his dislike for the betrayal and sorrow that Alice alone had to endure. Eleanor nodded, understanding his feelings.  

“I thought those two would truly fall into the hellfire.”  

Usher laughed quietly as he stared at the darkness of the stage where the curtain had fallen. Then, he stood up.  

“Shall we go back now?”  

Eleanor awkwardly smiled and followed Usher as they left their seats. She often felt bittersweet whenever she saw the intense emotions that occasionally surfaced in Usher.  

“I should’ve brought the car.”  

“The hotel isn’t that far, you know.”  

Hand in hand, Eleanor and Usher walked along the quiet streets, dimly lit by streetlights, sinking into the soft darkness. Everything seemed fine at first, but whenever Eleanor confronted the wounds Usher carried, her heart became complicated.  

“Eleanor.”  

Perhaps she was breaking Usher even now. The question Jane had posed when she visited—whether Eleanor was ruining her son further and should let him go—echoed in her mind.  

“Eleanor?”  

Lost in thought, Eleanor startled and lifted her head. Usher’s face, half-shadowed by the orange glow of the streetlight, looked puzzled as he gazed at her.  

“What are you thinking about so deeply?”  

“Oh, nothing much. Just trivial things.”  

Eleanor shook her head. Ever since meeting Jane, the moments when her thoughts drifted away even while being beside Usher had increased, and it was becoming a problem.  

“I don’t want to let you go.”  

“Usher.”  

“I know it’s not right.”  

They reached the door to Eleanor’s room. Usher held her hand tightly, refusing to let go. When Eleanor called his name with a troubled expression, Usher reluctantly released her hand, his face filled with regret.  

“Even though I know I’ll see you again tomorrow, I still feel sad.”  

Usher whispered as he leaned his forehead against hers.  

“I just want to live with you already. I don’t want to wait until summer.”  

“……”  

“And I wish you wouldn’t have to wear hats and hide your face every time we go out.”  

He sighed quietly, unable to hide his frustration.  

“Usher, the rumors about us aren’t just affecting His Grace but also you and the Fitzman Earldom…”  

“I know what you’re trying to say.”  

But knowing didn’t make his feelings any easier to bear. Eleanor understood that too.  

“Come inside for a moment.”  

At Eleanor’s suggestion, Usher smiled brightly, like a boy.  

“I won’t refuse.”  

He stepped into the room ahead of her.  

“Hang your hat and jacket on the sofa and sit down.”  

Eleanor spoke as she closed the door, but Usher didn’t follow her instructions.  

“……!”  

Before she could even turn around, Usher suddenly hugged her from behind. Eleanor felt the ticklish sensation of his chin resting against the nape of her neck and shrank slightly.  

“What are you doing?”  

“Just trying to set the mood a little.”  

Usher chuckled softly, his breath warming Eleanor’s ear.  

“Every time we part, I feel like I’m the only one who’s sad.”  

Eleanor gently stroked the large hands clasped in front of her stomach. If these little things had piled up and made him upset, she wanted to tell him it wasn’t true.  

“I’ve been thinking about how I can make you feel a little sad when we part, but I couldn’t figure it out.”  

“……”  

“And yet, even during those moments, I still want to hold you.”  

That’s why he acted on impulse and hugged her, Usher explained. Eleanor loosened his grip and turned around. Usher looked at her, bewildered. Eleanor raised her hands, cupped his face, and brought him closer to her.  

“Elean…”  

Before he could finish speaking, their lips met. Usher closed his eyes and pulled Eleanor into his arms, deepening the kiss. He wanted to forget everything, to claim Eleanor entirely as his own.  

Ever since they reunited, Eleanor always felt like she wasn’t truly his. Usher wanted to make her completely his, hoping that doing so would erase his vague anxiety. He wanted to stop feeling like he had stolen her from someone else.  

Usher gently guided Eleanor’s trembling body to the bed. Eleanor collapsed onto the bed, her legs dangling off the edge. Her golden hair, illuminated by the moonlight, spilled onto the bed like a cascade.