“It’s not an obligation. Usually you only attended for major events like imperial weddings or the birth of an heir.”

“Then why recommend I attend this time—is it to widely demonstrate that His Majesty the Emperor’s reign remains solid despite the traitors’ activities?”

Perhaps my words were unexpected, because Natalie’s eyes widened slightly, but she soon smiled and nodded.

“That’s right. Plus, if you show how close you two are, you can cut off any foolish delusions that might exist.”

“…I’ll think about it.”

It seemed Natalie’s intention wasn’t to strengthen my position because she found me unreliable, but to prevent annoying pests from swarming around.

Embarrassed by my misunderstanding, I looked away from her. Natalie seemed dissatisfied with my lukewarm response and tried to keep persuading me. Growing annoyed, I decided to shut her up.

“So, where did you go?”

“…”

As expected, her mouth snapped shut. I made a mischievous expression. Could it be a man problem?

“Do you have some difficult circumstances to talk about?”

“…It’s not so much that…”

Seeing I wouldn’t back down easily, Natalie let out a small sigh and put down the flowers she was holding on the table. Then she said quietly:

“A child who’s a distant relative is sick.”

“…”

The smile disappeared from my face. She looked straight at me with a serious expression.

“We don’t know what illness it is, so treatment is impossible. I can’t ignore a young child suffering… so I drop by whenever I have time.”

Having finished speaking, Natalie lowered her eyes. Deep sadness emanated from her face. I could feel her affection for the child so clearly that I felt sympathetic.

“How old is the child?”

“…A little over six months old.”

“Such a young child…”

I sighed involuntarily. My chest churned with a feeling that this wasn’t someone else’s problem.

I liked children. I’d cherished and cared for my cousin, two years younger, like a real sister. Though that child disliked me, she used to follow me well when she was little.

I said abruptly:

“Is there anything I can help with?”

“…”

Natalie stared at me with an expression difficult to describe in words. I found her lack of response puzzling.

“Natalie?”

She blinked once or twice, then slowly bowed her head.

“…Thank you just for the words, Your Majesty the Empress.”

“…”

Her eyes were moist. I hesitated, then nodded silently. I clearly felt her wish that I not pry further.

Then I secretly swallowed a sigh.

‘A sick child… how much must the mother’s heart ache?’

It was truly the pain of a severed bowel. So much so that dying myself would be better. The kind where throwing myself into h*ll wouldn’t be too much if it could only remove the dark clouds blocking the child’s future…

‘…Hm?’

Suddenly feeling pain, I raised and opened my hand. I frowned at the clear nail marks on my palm from clenching my fist.

Come to think of it, wasn’t I tensing my whole body? I relaxed my body gently and thought bitterly.

‘I should put in a word to give the physician some accommodation.’

In case some rare herbs might be needed. Though Natalie had refused, I decided to help as much as I could.

Then my chest stung again and I pressed my hand against my heart with a grimace. I must not be fully recovered.

“I should rest a bit.”

“Please do.”

Natalie stopped arranging flowers and stood to approach me. When I lay on the bed, she checked my temperature and gauged when I should take medicine.

“After you sleep, I’ll brew some medicine. Shall I burn the herbs?”

“Please do.”

Soon the familiar fragrance filled the inner chamber. I burrowed into the blankets, suppressing a yawn. Natalie whispered as she drew the curtains.

“Sweet dreams, Your Majesty the Empress.”

I blinked and dozed off. My body seemed to float while my mind felt like it was falling endlessly. As I continued in that hazy state, suddenly some sound reached me. It was a woman’s voice, cold yet somehow boastful. It struck into my head like lightning.

‘The Crown Prince, only ten years old, executed the attendants who committed crimes according to imperial law. They were his right and left hands who had assisted him since his birth, but the Crown Prince realized justice without being bound by personal feelings. Truly a person suited for the throne.’

‘Giving everything to one person isn’t behavior befitting an Emperor who must embrace all people. Remember this. Impartial, fair, and moderate. These are the virtues of a ruler.’

‘But I… I think it’s unlike Your Highness the Crown Prince. Though I haven’t known Your Highness for long, you’re kind. Of course imperial law is solemn. It must be upheld. But if it were Your Highness, I think you’d consider their circumstances too. Things like extenuating circumstances.’

‘…’

‘I apologize. I spoke unnecessarily about things I don’t know. I’ll restrain myself, so please allow me to withdraw.’

‘…the only one who recognized me for who I am… is you.’

‘Only you… only you see me…’

“Gasp!”

I woke with a start. I gasped for breath and wiped away the sweat covering my forehead.

‘Was it a nightmare?’

It was still a dream with only voices and nothing visible. The first I heard was presumably the voice of the Late Empress.

Of course I had no memory of her. All I knew about the Late Emperor and Late Empress were their faces I’d seen in portraits hanging in the Hall of Majesty’s corridor.

After waking from my coma, I’d once asked the Emperor directly about them, thinking it would be rude to ask the maids. I couldn’t forget his expression then.

Though only for a moment, his face intensely revealed all kinds of emotions—resentment, longing, guilt, self-loathing. After that day, I never mentioned them again.

I fell into thought again.

‘I said something too.’

Self-mockery suddenly burst out. 

‘Your Highness the Crown Prince would be like this.’

Had I thought he was a pushover? The me back then must have known almost nothing about him, just like now. His birth mother’s assessment was the most accurate.

An Emperor not bound by personal feelings…

Then I furrowed my brow.

‘…It seems ingrained in me to think of him only negatively…’

I suddenly looked down at my forearm to find the fine hairs standing on end. Well, I couldn’t help it when my body reacted before my head. Still, somehow it left a bitter taste.

‘Is it more so because the last voice I heard… resembled his?’

Though I still couldn’t believe it was him, the pleading voice disturbed me. I shook my head to clear away the uncomfortable thoughts.

‘Look at me. Just because he nursed me one night, I’m already softening… I need to be cautious, and more cautious.’

I must never forget. I’m always in the position of carefully walking on thin ice. The destination is far away and I have no allies. If I collapse… then…

“Hm?”

My mind suddenly went blank.

‘Who was I just thinking about?’

* * *

“A pet bird—how thoughtful His Majesty the Emperor is.”

The Emperor’s gift arrived early in the morning. The maids made a fuss surrounding the ornately decorated birdcage.

The cage hanging from elegantly curved bronze pillars had flowers and vines embossed on each bar. In other words, it was quite to my taste.

“Gifting birds to lovers is fashionable these days.”

“The more colorful and vivid the feathers, the better, right?”

“Lady Clovida from the east has already received five.”

“Hmph, what good are numbers? You should receive a pretty, rare bird like our Empress.”

“Exactly. Three of Lady Clovida’s birds are duplicates. Ugh, to give gifts without even checking—how thoughtless.”

The maids glanced at me while praising the Emperor until their mouths were dry, but I just flipped through my book with an indifferent expression.

When I didn’t even pretend to listen, the maids deflated. But as always, their enthusiasm overflowed as they tried again to capture my attention.

“Look at the cage too. How delicately carved.”

“My goodness. Looking closely, each bar has a different flower shape. Various types of flowers too.”

“His Majesty the Emperor specially commissioned it. He personally specified every detail to the Empire’s most skilled bronze craftsman.”

“Oh my. They say he’s been incredibly busy lately… yet even so, for Her Majesty the Empress…”

Should I snort loudly at this point to make them stop? I was having such mischievous thoughts when Natalie appeared.

“Is this the pet bird His Majesty requested from our eastern ally?”

The maids’ eyes widened at this new information.

“What? From the east?”

“No wonder I’d never seen this bird before, goodness…”

“Then it’s truly the only pet bird of its kind in the Empire?”

The maids’ voices rose almost to screams. Good grief, I thought she’d stop them, but Natalie was adding fuel to the fire. I clicked my tongue inwardly.

“Your Majesty the Empress, what do you think? Do you like it?”

“…”

Since I wasn’t reacting, they decided to ask outright. Their eyes sparkled as they looked at me. If I said I liked it, they’d probably chatter about the Emperor’s favor for days. I deliberately made a prim expression.

“Well… I’m a bit afraid of birds.”

“…”

Suddenly their mouths clamped shut like they’d eaten honey. Behind them, Natalie shook her head as though she couldn’t stop me. Whether she did or not, pleased by the quiet, I fixed my gaze back on my book.

“I’ll stay, so the rest of you may leave.”

At Natalie’s words, the maids withdrew in unison. Soon, with just the two of us left in the inner chamber, Natalie said with a sigh:

“Not knowing you disliked birds, I recommended the pet bird to His Majesty the Emperor. I should apologize.”

“It’s not that serious. I just… felt sorry seeing it caged.”

At my awkward excuse, Natalie smiled knowingly. Seeing that made me irritable for no reason, so I snapped the book shut and grumbled.

“But why do you keep bringing such boring books?”

“…Aren’t they books you enjoy?”

Natalie asked back with wide eyes. I scanned the books stacked neatly on the bedside table.

Dialogues with God. The Life of Saint Margaret. Saint Peter’s Faith and the Conflict with Reason.

I looked at Natalie with an incredulous expression.

“Would anyone besides priests like these books?”

“…That’s true.”

Natalie obediently gathered the books, then said as though suddenly remembering:

“Is there anything else you dislike?”

“Anything else?”

“Yes. Like how the inner chamber is decorated… or food that doesn’t suit your taste, anything at all.”

“…”

I looked around the room once and declared:

“I don’t like the color.”

“The color, you mean…”

“I don’t like pink.”

“Ah…”

Natalie scanned the inner chamber, pink everywhere from curtains to sheets, and nodded in understanding. Then with a somewhat playful expression, she said:

“Shall I guess? Your Majesty the Empress likes blue or green, like His Majesty the Emperor’s eye color?”

“…Yes.”

I grimaced without thinking. Of all comparisons to make…