Side Story. Rosette’s Letter

[To Asha

Hello.

Opening a letter turns out to be harder than I thought. I’ve never properly written a letter before.

You might not know this. Even you, who’s indifferent to me, would know that I don’t do cute things like exchanging letters with other kids. That most kids like me in Iota are the same way.

Oh, you might object here. “I was never uninterested!”

But if you don’t know a single thing I wanted you to notice, what is that if not indifference? Should I say my acting was just too excellent?

……I didn’t mean to blame you. No, though I’m dying to.

Today especially, I resent my simple writing skills. I don’t have talent for writing like you do. Though such talent isn’t needed for diving to the ocean floor to harvest pearls.

I’m not writing this letter because I have something special to tell you.

Rather, because I can’t convey any words to you, so.

So.

You might have been a bit surprised. Receiving my letter at your new home. I hope you weren’t too disgusted.

Worrying about things like this. It’s not like me at all.

Really, it’s not like me at all.

I didn’t want to be this anxious. But you know, I’ve been like this longer than you think.

Where should I start.

First, how I found your address? You probably guessed, but I asked Aila.

A few days ago she was organizing the house in Iota. At first I was surprised, thinking she was going to dispose of it entirely, but she said she had no such intention.

While I was there, I asked about your situation, your new address.

Naturally, Aila readily told me.

You didn’t tell Aila about what I did to you either. That’s probably why Aila told me so willingly.

After you left like that, I thought I absolutely had to tell you something.

But you didn’t come back to Iota.

No, even on the day you did return, you didn’t want to talk with me. When you brought that silver-haired, lanky boy with you, you didn’t even explain who he was.

That’s what you said.

That you didn’t want to see me. You also said you were disappointed.

Maybe you’ve forgotten it all. I probably wasn’t that important to you anyway.

Don’t deny it. It only makes me feel more miserable.

No, maybe it would be better if you did deny it……

At first, I thought I should apologize to you.

What I did was clearly something that would anger anyone who heard about it. But after that, I didn’t want to anymore.

You might find this a bit absurd. You might burn this letter, saying the time you spent reading this far was wasted.

I’ll be honest with you.

You said you couldn’t understand me.

So no matter how well I craft my words for you, it would be the same.

So all the more, I’ll speak honestly. We can’t get any worse from here. So. So, Asha.

You’ll never understand. You’d say at least it shouldn’t be this way.

Ah, I’ll stop trying to figure you out. Writing a letter that you might have already torn to shreds is torment enough.

Even so, this is the last remaining method.

I don’t plan to change your mind. I just—

Just……

Do you remember the day we first met?

You probably don’t remember. It was when we were too young. We probably met here and there before we could even recognize friend from foe.

Asha, you think I like Aila. That’s why you think I followed her around day and night.

Half of that is true. Aila was the prettiest in the village from childhood, the best swimmer, and anyway, the best at everything.

But, stupid Asha.

You don’t know how hard I tried not to steal glances at your curly teal hair. You probably never even imagined it.

Because that’s the kind of person you are.

Of course I admit my intention was involved here. I orchestrated it that way. I didn’t want to become an easy existence for you.

Do you understand? You probably don’t.

You were someone who would quickly let go whether things were easy or difficult.

I was lucky Aila was there. If she hadn’t been, I would have found no proper method and lingered around your doorstep. You would have easily grown tired of me showing all my affection.

I had so much I wanted to say to you.

Watching your retreating back, I finally understood why they say you ‘spew out’ words. But you weren’t curious about my circumstances at all.

Now even I don’t really want to explain.

How do you end a letter?

I don’t know. I’ll stop here.

Rosette]

[To Asha

Time has passed since you would have received the letter.

You still haven’t sent a reply. I expected this, but my stomach burns.

Receiving a reply full of criticism versus imagining things on my own like this… Which would be worse?

I’m trying not to measure it.

I don’t remember what I wrote before. I wrote whatever came to mind.

I still don’t understand why you exchanged letters with someone whose face and everything else you didn’t know. You said you liked people who wrote well and were thoughtful.

It feels ridiculous that I practiced writing until I had calluses after hearing those words. Should I say I’m glad I can at least show off my changed handwriting like this?

That is, if you didn’t just check the sender and burn it.

I’m thinking belatedly, but what did you think when you heard about my ideal type? I had some hope since you asked something so unlike you.

Though part of me guessed you were asking for someone else. Because you didn’t look particularly interested then.

When I said I liked cute people, people who caught my eye, and readers— what did you think?

You probably didn’t think of yourself at all. That’s how you could be so completely oblivious.

You’re really an idiot.

In those books you love so much, they say love is easily confused. Especially for girls our age.

They confuse friendship, romantic feelings, and admiration.

Do you really think so?

How could anyone confuse those? At least I’ve never been this clear about anything. I don’t want to spout nonsense like ‘momentary delusion.’

Don’t call it admiration.

I’ve never once thought I wanted to be like you.

You’re terrifyingly stupid. The worst.

Really, the worst.

Rosette]

[To Asha

I hope you didn’t read this letter.

I want to ask why it was that person. Why it wasn’t me. Why you didn’t ask me, why you kept refusing when I asked to call you by a nickname.

Was it because my acting was too skillful?

I want to question why it was that person. If it had been someone I saw face to face every day, I wouldn’t even be angry. Yeah, if it had been Bash or Lucio, it wouldn’t have been this absurd.

No, no. I imagined it, and I still hate it. It’s annoying.

I remember the moment I first became conscious of your wavy hair. We were both very small then. You melted the candy I gave you very slowly.

I learned later that you ate it that way because you were afraid your small baby teeth would fall out. But even after that, you always melted candy gently.

Sticking out your tongue a little, licking the colorful candy— watching you, how should I put it…… I just liked it.

Yes, there were moments that were just good like that.

Getting to know you, hovering around to catch your attention— to a degree that wouldn’t bore you— it wasn’t always the worst.

I wrote the last letter wrong. I ended it carelessly in anger.

Though several months have already passed. What’s so good about stubbornly sending letters that get no reply?

I didn’t understand. Those letters that came day after day. Even though you clearly couldn’t reach each other, that boy of yours persistently kept writing letters.

I understand a little now. Sometimes just sending a letter……

Let’s stop.

If you’re reading this letter completely, you must wonder what I’m trying to do. What’s the point of laying out stories that are all contextless content and rambling?

I don’t really know either.

Asha, why am I doing this?

I didn’t catch a single pearl today. It was an unusually sunny day, so when I came back my skin was a bit peeling. It wasn’t a lucky day.

I stopped by your house briefly too. I didn’t force the door open and enter.

Aila asked me to. Empty houses show, so she asked me to just make sure it doesn’t completely fall apart. I did receive light compensation, but I would have done the favor even without it.

It’s true I became close with Aila because of you, but I ended up liking Aila too.

She’s really not an easy person to dislike. I don’t know how it is from a younger sister’s perspective.

I imagine you coming over the horizon. On a very large ship, running to me as soon as you get off the vessel. And slapping my cheek.

That’s when I wake up from the dream. Now that I’m talking about it, it’s too childish. I won’t do more.

I often think of childhood. When I was a bit more straightforward than now. I think that was the best time with you too.

When I didn’t know your fickle temperament. So I could, could be a little honest.

You said you liked writing from back then.